Is it me or him?(6 Posts)
Hi all..just wondering if you could tell me aibu? Have been married to dh for 5 and half years. We have been together since we were 21. We have 2 beautiful dds together but sometime's I get so fed up of him it's unreal. We both work full time (my hours are shorter than his) but I do everything both in the house and with the kids. We do.split bills or I pay for some and he pays for the others bit he rarely contribute's towards clothes for the kids. Our kids are 3 and 1.
I'm wore out with them at the minute. 3yr old is sick and the one year old doesnt sleep great so could be up with her 3 or 4 times a night. He does get up to her the odd time but is not as good at settling so I usually do it.
I went away for a nite with friends a couple of weeks ago and he text me to say he couldn't cope with them. He has little if any patience with the younger child. She's into everything at the minute but it's just her way. He went away to work on Thursday and had a work party Thurs night and Fri night so didn't come home til 230pm on Christmas Eve. When he got home he did nothing. I had the dinner prepared for Christmas and the house cleaned and all fuel in for the fire. The only thing's that's had to be done really were make the bottles and tidy up but he let me do it all. Then yesterday I had to tidy the.kitchen and make bottles at 1030 last night as he was still plonked on the sofa.
I have spent years asking him to help me and he does for a day or 2 and then it's rite back to square one again. He doesnt do much with the kids but they adore him. I just don't know what to do? We get on well for a while and then I get tired. I honestly can't keep doing it all. My parents are brilliant to me but he doesn't like the kids spending too much time with them.
I think the more time we spend together the more I think we have both grown into total different people but as we have a mortgage, a marriage and kids I'm stuck with him. I see other families and they look so happy in their photos and it hurts that we don't have any of that. I want to be with some one who wants to spend time with us and who appreciate's all that I do and who wants to do stupid things and have fun..not take me for granted. I feel I deserve more. Aibu?
My ex never paid towards the children's toys/ clothes/ presents. It's a true dick move that is a clear statement fro. Him that they're not part of his life.
YANBU. You do deserve more and you are not stuck with him, there are always options. You're already doing virtually everything yourself anyway.
Do you want the relationship ship to continue, do you love him enough to want that? If you do then it's time to sit him down and lay it out, tell him exactly what you want from him and what the consequences will be if it doesn't happen (divorce?).
You're his wife and the mother of his children, not some house slave there to facilitate family life while he sits about with his thumb up his arse. It's a partnership and right now he is dead weight.
Everything for your children is a shared cost, he isn't being an equal partner and you need to tell him so.
Thanks for the replies. I don't know if I love him to be honest. I can bury these feelings fairly well during the year and we don't spend that much time together but at times like this when I see other families so happy and doing things together I know I'd like that for my family too. My girls love him and I also am heartbroken at the thought of them having having to be away from him of it came to that. Just not sure what I should do to be honest.
TELL him, you need equal leisure time and equal spending money regardless of who earns what.TELL him his attitude needs to change or you can't see the marriage lasting. It needs proper discussion proper Sharing of chores sharing of childcare.
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