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AIBU to ask my DF to stop vaping when sitting next to me or should I go further?

(43 Posts)
Vida32 Mon 26-Dec-16 18:46:37

I'm 5 months pregnant with my first and DM and DF are staying with us for a few days over Christmas. DF has fought a long, hard battle to quit smoking after decades. After several failed attempts he finally did it with ecigs. Whilst staying with us I haven't said anything when he's vaping in the same room. I just sit on the other side of the room. Today he was sat next to me for half an hour doing it non-stop and eventually I felt I had to ask him not to because I wasn't comfortable.
I know there have been some studies showing it can do damage to fetal development in mice. I know those studies aren't conclusive but it's safety hasn't been shown either way.
DF was quite good about it but a bit upset and said it's completely harmless. He did stop.
AIBU? I don't want to make him feel bad but I want to make the best choices for my baby. Or should I go further and ask him to stop doing it in the same room at all?

donquixotedelamancha Mon 26-Dec-16 19:04:32

He hasn't quit smoking, he just uses electronic cigarettes rather than burning ones- he's still surrounded by a cloud of gaseous nicotine. The data around ecigs is, as you say, very inconclusive. They almost certainly cause some harm, but definitely much less than traditional ones (to adults).

However, one area where there is more certainty about the damage is in pregnancy. Much of the developmental damage is caused by the nicotine (the rest is carbon monoxide- not present), whereas in adults the biggest risk is carcinogens (the risk of this is almost eliminated in e-cigs). While you are right that this damage hasn't been quantified, the effect of nicotine in pregnancy is well known- google it. It may well be that the average effects in pregnancy are worse with e-cigs, due to longer exposure; e.g. would you have sat there for half an hour in smoke.

Its not the worst thing you can do to your unborn child, drinking would be far worse, but I think you're daft to put up with this.

RichardBucket Mon 26-Dec-16 19:07:15

YANBU. It was rude of him to do it next to you, and should have asked if you were okay with ecigs in the house at all.

caroldecker Mon 26-Dec-16 19:22:06

Bollocks it is dangerous. Your house and your rules, but vaping is harmless to bystanders, and has negligible nicotine.

test results

harderandharder2breathe Mon 26-Dec-16 19:51:37

I don't let my friend vape in my house because I don't like it. It leaves a stinking cloud of fog wherever she's been.

In your own house of course you can ask someone not to vape. If they continue to do so they are rude.

Missy17 Mon 26-Dec-16 20:09:21

Your house, Your rules. Fullstop.

hollinhurst84 Mon 26-Dec-16 20:23:52

He has quit smoking, he's using nicotine replacement
If you don't want him to that's fine, the risk to bystanders is negligible though

RonaldMcDonald Mon 26-Dec-16 20:25:09

It's up to you.
I personally believe there are no problems with vaping and therefore zero risks to your baby. These are my beliefs and would inform me not you.
The studies against vaping are piss poor.
I again point out to it being up to you.

Wolfiefan Mon 26-Dec-16 20:27:17

I don't believe vaping has been around long enough for us to know all the risks. I do believe it is less unhealthy than smoking. BUT I wouldn't have anyone vaping in my house.

andintothefire Mon 26-Dec-16 20:31:55

I agree with the above posters. I also think that while YWNBU to move away from him if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you should ideally not ask him to stop vaping inside completely. He has done very well to quit smoking and I think he deserves some support. Perhaps a middle ground would be to ask him to vape in another room? Or could you swap places with somebody?

Having said this, I think it is very dependent on the kind of vaping setup he has. Some produce very little smoke and smell. Others create quite large clouds, which I think are very antisocial and I understand why you would be bothered by it. There are responsible and irresponsible ways of vaping.

Temporaryname137 Mon 26-Dec-16 20:34:49

I am with you, OP. I hate it when DP vapes around me and DD. I fucking hate it. I don't care if he says it's just vegetable oil; I don't care if he says it's harmless - I don't trust it and I hate the fucking burbling noise it makes, and I hate him normalising smoking around DD. Grrr!

Floralnomad Mon 26-Dec-16 20:41:05

I wouldn't allow it in the house in the same way as I wouldn't allow smoking in the house , so any visitors here who want to vape are directed to the garden , I don't care if it's dangerous to me or not , I don't like it so it's not happening in my house . So YANBU.

kew1234 Mon 26-Dec-16 20:59:15

As an ex-smoker and a vaper, YANBU. It's your house, the affects are not known. Yes it's safer than smoking & has been a massive help in kicking the habit - but I still wouldn't VAPE in someone else's house, nor in front of the kids or a pregnant woman.

donquixotedelamancha Mon 26-Dec-16 21:36:59

"Bollocks it is dangerous. Your house and your rules, but vaping is harmless to bystanders, and has negligible nicotine.
test results"

This is a very strange response. The test results you posted (from 1947) have nothing to do with nicotine or e-cigs. Did you think people would just be impressed because you linked to a random article?

Obviously the vapor contains nicotine- that's its entire purpose. E-cigs are vastly safer in most ways, but not this case- Nicotine is definitely dangerous to unborn children.

hollinhurst84 Mon 26-Dec-16 21:51:51

Nicotine is pretty much like caffeine. Addictive, but nicotine alone without cigarettes isn't that bad

hollinhurst84 Mon 26-Dec-16 21:53:51

This might also be helpful

sj257 Mon 26-Dec-16 22:06:54

I hate the way that people think it's OK to vape in places that it wouldn't be OK to smoke. We stayed in a travelodge in London near the excel, there was a vaping convention on. You couldn't see for vapour in the lobby and restaurant area of the travelodge. It's disgusting breathing in water droplets that someone has breathed out.

MyWineTime Mon 26-Dec-16 22:09:29

I wouldn't allow it in my house at all. It's incredibly bloody rude and inconsiderate.

IcedVanillaLatte Mon 26-Dec-16 22:09:45

Sorry to break it to you, but you're constantly breathing in stuff that other people have breathed out (including water vapour). Also intestinal gas.

sj257 Mon 26-Dec-16 22:11:52

Well yes, but vapour that is so thick you can see it just seems disgusting to me.

Graphista Mon 26-Dec-16 22:14:28

"I don't believe vaping has been around long enough for us to know all the risks. I do believe it is less unhealthy than smoking. BUT I wouldn't have anyone vaping in my house."

This is my view. For decades the tobacco industry denied and hid the reality of the harm not only to smokers but to those in their vicinity what makes people think vape manufacturing is any more ethical? There's been nowhere near enough good studies done on it yet to know if it's safe or not. SafER than smoking is NOT the same as safe

MyWineTime Mon 26-Dec-16 22:49:06

Even if it is shown one day to be completely harmless, you have the right to not want someone else doing it in your house, let alone right next to you.

caroldecker Mon 26-Dec-16 23:16:58

donquix My link was from the NHS site

Research into this area is ongoing, but it seems that e-cigs release negligible amounts of nicotine into the atmosphere from here

Link to the research above about a third of the way down this

PrincessConsuelaTheSecond Mon 26-Dec-16 23:35:23

Meh, it's your house your rules, but I don't see a cloud of water vapour doing a great deal of damage. It's nothing like second hand cigarette smoke which contains no end of chemicals.

RichardBucket Mon 26-Dec-16 23:39:30

My problem with them isn't unknown health effects but the smell. A colleague used to vape at the desk across from me and the smell made me feel ill. I never said anything because I was so glad he was quitting after years of heavy smoking, but in my own home I wouldn't think twice about directing someone to the garden.

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