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or Does DH not know me at all?

(53 Posts)
WottyMcWottFace Mon 26-Dec-16 15:00:45

Not really sure if its an AIBU but not sure where else to post.
DH and I normally just do little gifts at Christmas and focus on the children but this year as I turn 30 the day after boxing day he decided to get me a big surprise as a joint gift, he's been telling me how much i'll like this and i'll never guess what it is. Anyway Xmas eve comes and he cant contain his excitement so runs in with a big box shouting surprise!! he got one thing right, I was definitely surprised when I opened the box to find a laptop. Don't get me wrong its a very nice red one but its still a laptop just a newer one than I already have that still works perfectly well. I feel awful as my face must have said it all and although I smiled and said how lovely it was I couldn't hide my dismay. I feel really ungrateful but its not so much the gift itself its the realisation that he really doesn't know me at all. a bunch of flowers or a card made by our kids would have been plenty and really greatly received. I'm not sure if I'm just over sensitive as I near my 30s or if he really believes that a laptop is something classed as a memorable milestone gift??

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Dec-16 15:06:01

Do you consider a bunch of flowers or a card made by the kids a memorable milestone gift?

My guess is you'd be far more pissed off with that.

I think it was lovely that he bought you what he thought you'd like and got so excited about giving it to you.

I take it you'd given him a few ideas which he completely ignored and that's why you're upset?

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Dec-16 15:07:25

Sorry, mean to say YANBU if you'd given him a few ideas of what you really wanted and he chose to ignore them.

SaucyJack Mon 26-Dec-16 15:11:30

Well, it beats a bunch of flowers.

It's a strange present for someone who's got a working laptop if they're not the nerdy sort who likes upgrading tech for the sake of it tho.

Still, worse things happen at sea I suppose.

peekyboo Mon 26-Dec-16 15:14:01

I'm guessing that (to him) there's something different or special about the laptop that makes it a great upgrade for the one you have. If he's into tech it might be obvious to him why it's great, and to you it's a new laptop. It would explain his excitement anyway.
And it beats the joint present my ex got me, which was an electric blanket...

leaveittothediva Mon 26-Dec-16 15:22:10

Oh for goodness sake, I'd be ashamed to even post this OP, you sound so ungrateful. All I can say is lucky you, you obviously have too sodding much. Bunch of chrysanthemums from the 24 hour service station for you next year then. shock

Naicehamshop Mon 26-Dec-16 15:23:24

Yes - he is a bit lacking in emotional intelligence if he doesn't know you better than that. The question is - what are you going to do about it? Smile very nicely and say "thank you" and hope that he didn't notice your expression of dismay? Or sit him down and explain how you actually feel? ( Not saying you should, but if you don't you will doubtless get the same kind of dense dopiness every time you have a significant birthday for the rest of your days... )

RubyWinterstorm Mon 26-Dec-16 15:23:44

Sorry, but really hmm OP

There are so many threads who see Christmas gifts as some kind of relationship test (awarding their DP an "F") .

What did you get him?

CurlyhairedAssassin Mon 26-Dec-16 15:24:23

Is this yet another one of those ungrateful recipient troll threads? Getting boring now.

WottyMcWottFace Mon 26-Dec-16 15:24:38

True, the flowers and card aren't milestone but cost nothing so wouldn't have been a big waste of money! He asked what I would like, so I gave general suggestions jewellery, watch, bag, night away (stuff I actually like)then went completely against it and spent a fortune on a laptop. I'm not really techy so the laptop is a really odd choice. Its not so much the present its just made me feel like he doesn't know me at all that's triggered it off.

PickAChew Mon 26-Dec-16 15:25:11

I'd only be disappointed with a new laptop if it wasn't better than the one I had, merely shinier.

FireSquirrel Mon 26-Dec-16 15:26:48

I'm guessing that (to him) there's something different or special about the laptop that makes it a great upgrade for the one you have. If he's into tech it might be obvious to him why it's great, and to you it's a new laptop.

This. If you've had your current laptop for a few years then you will almost certainly notice a difference in performance with this new one. Ok, maybe he overdid the build up and ok, a laptop is perhaps not something which will be particularly memorable in years to come, but it's not a bad present.

Reality16 Mon 26-Dec-16 15:31:56

Some people can't do anything right ffs.

But seriously, he bought you a new laptop and you are not happy hmm

I feel sorry for him, he probably thought you would be thrilled with an upgraded model. Maybe he doesnt know you at all, but I'm sure he has learnt a good bit from your reaction to that.

GloriousGoosebumps Mon 26-Dec-16 15:32:52

Does he want a new laptop by any chance?

BlueFolly Mon 26-Dec-16 15:33:27

I'd be gutted too. It's the sheer waste that I couldn't stomach. Can you return it?

TerrorAustralis Mon 26-Dec-16 15:34:31

YANBU. I would be disappointed, especially after all the build up.

WottyMcWottFace Mon 26-Dec-16 15:34:52

I really don't mean to sound ungrateful. And its not the gift, its a very nice its just that its so random and that this big build up to make this birthday extra special after the last few being overshaddowed with poorly relatives etc that all the thought and effort resulted into something ive already got. @Naicehamshop I do need to say something to him but how do I say it without sounding like a total bitch.

gamerchick Mon 26-Dec-16 15:36:44

Ah I understand OP, I never see the point of presents to replace the one you're perfectly happy with. It must make sense to men maybe?

My husband did something similar with something I've only just replaced myself recently. I'm still a bit hmm about it even though I like it just fine. I don't see the point in upgrades just for the sake of it though, maybe it's that?

I'll hazard a guess that you'll love the laptop though, just have a play with it.

OohhThatsMe Mon 26-Dec-16 15:37:35

I agree with you, OP. It's not a relationship test, but surely your husband should know what you like, listen to what you say and get something you'll love, rather than some random upgrade of something you already have.

TheNaze73 Mon 26-Dec-16 15:38:18

I think YABVU

diddl Mon 26-Dec-16 15:40:42

I'm with you, Op.

Yes, it's a great present, but when you've already got one that works well it just seems such a waste.

Especially when you'd given ideas.

Why would he think that you'd prefer something that you hadn't mentioned at all?

Rioja123 Mon 26-Dec-16 15:42:17

If you really don't need it I think just be honest with him, take it back and get yourself a nice piece of jewellery to commemorate your 30th instead.

Sparkletastic Mon 26-Dec-16 15:52:01

I would feel the same. Explain that you would like something personal to keep and ask if you can return it and choose a piece of jewellery together instead. Total waste of money otherwise.

Naicehamshop Mon 26-Dec-16 15:52:34

You probably will sound like a bitch op but so what? Maybe he will start to listen to you and not just get you presents that he would like.

I've spent years being very aware of my dhs feelings and wants, and now I'm an expert on him ( a fascinating subject... wink). He still doesn't have a bloody clue about my feelings.

He will soon be an exdh. grin

LionelRitchieAndTheWardrobe Mon 26-Dec-16 15:56:27

People often give gifts that they would like to be given.

To him, it may seem like the best present ever.

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