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DF lying about Christmas

(63 Posts)
TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 12:26:43

When my DS was born, the card I received from my DF was written by someone else. I also received a card in the same writing from a woman. I asked who this was, and DF said it was his friend, implying girlfriend.

Since this DF has been very sketchy whenever I ask about this woman. One word answers, changing the subject, saying it's because he works with her and it would cause gossip.

He has also stated at other times that her family would be unhappy due to religious reasons.

I asked to see a photo once and I saw a picture. She looks much younger. He stated about 10 years difference. I thought more.

Christmas Day comes and DF brings gifts from this woman. Again, he refuses to speak about her.

I have told him that if it is serious with this woman that we will meet and she can meet DS etc. He said she would love to meet him... nothing else ever said about it.

He said he is going to dinner with her yesterday for Christmas meal, but on checking, the venue was not even open.confused

Aibu? Do I just leave it as it is?

The issue on my part is taking gifts for DS, without knowing this person, and the blatant lying from DS.

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 12:33:05

*blatant lying from DF.

DierdrePewtey Mon 26-Dec-16 12:45:42

Maybe he wants to shield this woman from his interfering DD?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 26-Dec-16 12:46:44

Let him tell you in his own time. He clearly doesn't want to discuss it with you yet.

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 12:47:19

Maybe you're right, Deirdre, however why would he then drip feed information and bring presents for my DS from her?

pklme Mon 26-Dec-16 12:47:49

They aren't ready to go public, for whatever reason. You just have to be patient, odd that she does his cards and presents though...

Ineedmorelemonpledge Mon 26-Dec-16 12:51:55

The fact that she does presents must mean that she thinks your DF talks to you about her, and that you know about her, surely?

Why would someone buy presents if they want to remain unknown.

Maybe he's not sure about her, and perhaps he needs more time to settle in with her before introducing her to his family?

If your DF says she'd like to meet your DS then make an invite to him and see what happens. If he says no, then just write her a thank you card for the gifts and let him get on with it.

clumsyduck Mon 26-Dec-16 12:55:41

I don't think op is interfering
She's sending presents to her dc . I think that's a bit weird since you have never met and barely know anything about there but then you don't know what df tells her? Something seems a bit off here
Maybe she is quiet a bit younger and he is worried what you may say ?

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 12:56:07

Thank you, ineed.

I wonder why DF lied about where he was spending Christmas with her?

QueenOfTheSardines Mon 26-Dec-16 12:57:17

"When my DS was born, the card I received from my DF was written by someone else"

This is just plain weird isn't it?

I mean, it can't just be me who thinks that's weird. DFIL is single, I can't imagine him handing over cards written by someone else who we've never heard of or met, with no explanation, because that would just be weird. Surely?

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 12:59:14

It is weird, queen. I don't understand. I appreciate some may think I don't have to understand, but why bring gifts, cards etc from her, but then refuse to give anything away?

MrsTeller Mon 26-Dec-16 13:11:20

She's married?

Ditsy4 Mon 26-Dec-16 13:13:35

It is weird the card thing. So is the fact that she sends presents.
I wonder if she is married. That would explain a lot!

neveradullmoment99 Mon 26-Dec-16 13:13:36

I have sons who are private in this way. I have a brother who is also private in this way. Who knows the reasonsd???!
My brother had a girlfriend and noone knew her name for months. We knew he was going out with someone and later found out she had a son from a previous relationship. She came from another country. Her family were religious and would not approve [ or we suspected did not know] about the relationship with my brother. We believe that he was regarded to her family as a friend. I am saying this because there are all sorts of reasons why this person may not want to be identified.
It puzzles me too but there you have it.

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 13:14:17

Maybe, MrsTeller. shock

I am torn between do I keep out of business, or am i right to be annoyed at the circumstances?

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 13:15:34

Perhaps perplexed is a more appropriate word than annoyed.

QueenOfTheSardines Mon 26-Dec-16 13:17:40

It sounds to me like she's perfectly happy to be identified and more than that, considers herself part of the family and has done for a long time.

And that it's the Father who doesn't want people to meet etc.

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 13:18:47

Neveradullmoment, I feel I would understand more if he was as secreative as you describe, but then the whole giving gifts and cards from her, and ones she's written on his behalf, seems to contradict the secretive approach. confused

lovelearning Mon 26-Dec-16 13:19:16

he works with her and it would cause gossip

It could cause a lot more than gossip, if word of their relationship got out.

OP: You are being unreasonable.

Don't be so curious.

QueenOfTheSardines Mon 26-Dec-16 13:19:37

I don't think there's much point in trying to do anything as your dad obviously doesn't want to reveal and so won't.

I'd be pretty perplexed too.

What I find odd is why your dad is inviting the perplexedness. Why didn't he just write his own card when your baby was born? Why wouldn't he have done that anyway? Rather than giving you a card from him in unfamiliar handwriting with no explanation.

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 13:20:35

I think you might be right queen, however he has on one occasion referred to her as DS's aunt. When I asked if things were that serious, he said he was only joking and that they weren't...

MrsTeller Mon 26-Dec-16 13:21:52

He's an adult, I think you have to accept it's an odd situation and leave him to it.

BoneyBackJefferson Mon 26-Dec-16 13:23:14

Are you sure that this woman isn't actually your father?

TweedleDee3TweedleDum Mon 26-Dec-16 13:23:51

Thanks, loveslearning, maybe I just need to move on?

I am finding that difficult when DF does raise the subject with gifts etc though.

Merriment Mon 26-Dec-16 13:24:48

Could he be in a relationship with a man? How can you be sure its a woman just from handwriting hmm

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