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to not miss my family one little bit?

(23 Posts)
Kalopsia77 Sun 25-Dec-16 21:02:35

Been NC with awful parents for 10 months now, I have had a gorgeous peaceful Christmas with my three teens and their Dad (he is my ex, we are very good friends and we house share- unconventional but it works for us!). I've been popping on here throughout the day and I have seen some heartbreaking threads about the dreadful way some lovely posters are being treated by their so called loved ones. It has brought back memories of some horribly stressful Christmases trying to please everyone and keep the peace and I'm just so happy and relieved I don't have to do it anymore. It took me years to make the break (I'm 40) and this has been the best Christmas ever. Just wanted to extend a bit of love and hope to anyone who is struggling flowerssmile

kittybiscuits Sun 25-Dec-16 21:05:14

I echo your post Kalopsia. NC for 18 months - I love the absence of stress and just wonder why it took me so long because they were always horrible.

newbeginnings16 Sun 25-Dec-16 21:09:59

Wish I could

SandysMam Sun 25-Dec-16 21:16:00

Ah that's a lovely post! I have had yet another shitty Christmas courtesy of my hate for FIL however I don't know how to go NC without hurting my lovely partner. I also feel like my doing that I am emotionally abusing him by isolating him from his family IYSWIM but I feel so sad for myself having to put up with the horrible old bastard (FIL!!).
Really glad you've had a lovely day, gives us lot hope for the Christmas future!!xx

kittybiscuits Sun 25-Dec-16 21:16:33

What holds you back new?

Kalopsia77 Sun 25-Dec-16 21:17:00

Kitty it's an amazing feeling isn't it?!

Newbeginnings I hope things get better for you. I thought it was impossible for a long time but the pain and stress finally outweighed the guilt and obligation. It hasn't been easy but it's all worthwhile today

comewoowoowithme Sun 25-Dec-16 21:18:22

I'm nc too. Although I realise its not easy to make the break but I don't get why people put uo with so much shit.

Kalopsia77 Sun 25-Dec-16 21:21:46

Oh SandysMam it must be awful when it's not your own family. I feel bad for all the shitty Christmases my ex has had with my family but he did bear them all without complaint. Tbh it would have made things harder for me if he hadn't so I'm very grateful. I love his parents to bits but the next thing about being exes is that he is taking the kids down to see his folks tomorrow and I get a few precious days alone (they invited me but I have to stay for the dog...shucks!)

Kalopsia77 Sun 25-Dec-16 21:22:33

Best thing not next thing grin

newbeginnings16 Sun 25-Dec-16 21:25:30

Ill husband , children , house

Kalopsia77 Sun 25-Dec-16 21:25:33

comewoo I put up with so much shit and I have no idea why now! My mother threw a pie at my head one year and that was 9 years before I grew a pair and fucked them off. It's mad but I don't regret a thing now, just proper grateful I saw the light smile

glitterandtinsel Sun 25-Dec-16 21:28:19

Nc for 3 years. I miss the idea of parents but not my actual parents.

kittybiscuits Sun 25-Dec-16 21:29:21

Great way of putting it glitter. I would have liked some proper parents.

TheSlaughterOfHerodificado Sun 25-Dec-16 21:32:14

glitter

Agree - I love the image of a huge loving extended family, but have never had one - just years of stress and angst.

Have been NC for 15 years and although it upset me at first (old habits die hard) is has ultimately been brilliant!

Houseofmarbles Sun 25-Dec-16 21:32:44

We have just had our first Christmas with just dh and our 2 ds. I have a very dysfunctional family, dm alcohol and drug use, df drug user ( they are both functioning though) . We have had the most relaxing and brilliant day, without any of that anxiety and anticipating potential chaos. We will be seeing them tomorrow but it is on our terms and we will leave if things get difficult, I have clear boundaries finally. Feels great but sad that can't have that relaxed wider family day. But I accept it and make the most of it, mainly no more waisted (negative) energy on them. We all have to look after ourselfs, especially with little ones.

Houseofmarbles Sun 25-Dec-16 21:38:21

I forgot to add related to your op, I am also considering nc if things deteriorate further and my children are negatively effected but feels so final...

Kalopsia77 Sun 25-Dec-16 21:46:20

Houseofmarbles it is final, and it's terrifying but sometimes it is worth it. My kids are still in contact with them but they are old enough to decide for themselves and are so loved, confident and emotionally robust that I have no issues with this (plus the bastards have only bothered to actually see them twice this year!). It's a tough one, life changingly so but for me it came down to a pragmatic cost/benefit analysis.That sounds awful but it was very difficult and I have had counselling throughout so I didn't do anything lightly

Houseofmarbles Sun 25-Dec-16 22:00:03

Kalopsia77 that sounds like you and your children have dealt with the process well. Must of been challenging for you. Mine are still very little and I wonder when it's best to cut ties sooner or later? But I do think if we manage their emotions OK, children can understand about challenging / difficult relationship and protecting ourselves before anything.

Houseofmarbles Sun 25-Dec-16 22:02:10

Yes when / if I get to the point of this is 'the end' of my toxic relationship, I think I'll be here for advise and counselling.

mistermagpie Sun 25-Dec-16 22:26:25

NC with mine for three years now, I barely give them a thought at all these days. They are just like old colleagues or something, basically just some people I used to know.

Houseofmarbles Sun 25-Dec-16 23:13:15

mistermagpie that's encouraging that you can move on and not think x

Cheeseandbeansontoast Mon 26-Dec-16 08:53:17

Lovely post, really happy for you, that you've had a fab Xmas, also to other posters who've had a peaceful Xmas too.

I'm in the same situation. NC for a year now with toxic parents, and not missed them either.

So peaceful, no nasty phone calls, or messages designed to put me down. Always very clever messages, very subtle to others...ooh, the list goes on..

I still get a twinge of guilt that other family members have been caught in the crossfire since I went NC, but I know I did the right thing.

I hope other posters on this thread finally make the break, and that if you can't, I hope you find a way to minimise. flowers

Lottapianos Mon 26-Dec-16 08:58:34

'i miss the idea of parents but not my actual parents.'

Exactly the same here. I am very low contact with my family and I find it really heartbreaking at times, but that's because of loneliness and not feeling part of a family. I don't miss my actual family - I'm so much better off without their coldness and criticism

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