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To feel outdone by mil

(88 Posts)
Nameforsaken Sun 25-Dec-16 13:09:44

I know I know I should be fucking grateful that she cares and she's bought them things.m

But I'm not, I'm pissed off.
There's fucking plastic crap all over the place.

Santa brought them a stocking with 5 small gifts in.
We bought them 2 main gifts each.

Mil asked for ideas. Like every year I give her a couple suggestions and ask her not to buy too much.

She's bought the things I suggested but has then bought loads more! Alot of which has completely overshadowed things dh & I have bought. E.g. I have bought dd(3) a lovely well made, slightly expensive toy. Mil has bought a pink, plastic crappy version of it. She's also bought a happyland doll set, very similar to the playmobil family set I got.

For eacch gift we have bought, there are 4 of grandma's. She's got them more than fucking santa.

I know she means well but she's completely stepped on our toes.

cherrycrumblecustard Sun 25-Dec-16 13:11:15

Honestly, I hear what you're saying, but it is what grandparents do.

pipsqueak25 Sun 25-Dec-16 13:12:54

it's a gp thing, but charity shops will welcome the excess so it will be a win win situation, you declutter, someone else gets a bargain and charities benefit.

Nameforsaken Sun 25-Dec-16 13:14:13

I Know, I know I'm completely unreasonable.
From now on I'm going to have to give her a list of everything I buy the kids so she doesn't duplicate.

It's like it doesn't even occur to her that we as parents might actually buy them gifts too!

PaperMaicheLobster Sun 25-Dec-16 13:14:26

YANBU. Id be really pissed off. Similar has happened in my house this morning OP- my Mum went nuts buying for my niece to the extent she has probably brought double what DBro and his partner brought for her.

DBro has taken her to one side and explained that for her birthday and next Xmas they will buy the gifts, label one from her and Mum can put some money into her savings for her. Could you suggest this?

sunnyshowers Sun 25-Dec-16 13:15:00

Our house is a FLOOD of toys from aunties and grandparents....santa mehhh...got what they wanted but omg every year it's unbelievable.
Every other say if the year they know the value of stuff but today is special...they're young for a short while and it's amazing to know how loved they are...shower away

Nameforsaken Sun 25-Dec-16 13:15:11

I've already hidden a few things that she's bought. Ready for charity. DC haven't even noticed they've gone missing!

Lilaclily Sun 25-Dec-16 13:15:29

Oh my mother in law does this

Whatever we get she always tops it

So ds 12 main present was x box games and star wars lego

She got him 2 star wars lego boxes and a fecking lego dimensions set thing

We got him one guiness book of records , she got him gamers edition, we got one Dr who annual, she got him match annual, Beaney annual and dandy annual

I literally give up

RandomMess Sun 25-Dec-16 13:17:19

Donate to the local refuge? Yeah it's not nice of them they could have bought a quality gift costing £££ if they were wanting to be lavish rather than going for quantity

user1477282676 Sun 25-Dec-16 13:18:13

She's got them more than fucking santa

Sorry but quote of the day for me.

Anyway...my Mum used to do this bless her. I once said "I'm getting DD a dolls pram for her birthday...I've seen a gorgeous one and will save up for it"

A week later, she turned up on the doorstep with a second hand pram her mate had given her.

WHY!??

My advice is to ditch the pink plastic crappy version of the nice thing you've bought...put it in the garden. Is it a toy kitchen?

Evennumberonthevolume Sun 25-Dec-16 13:18:50

I've already hidden a few things that she's bought. Ready for charity. DC haven't even noticed they've gone missing!

I think that's unfair tbh. What if you'd spent time buying presents for someone to find someone else had purposely hidden them and the receiver never got them.

Nameforsaken Sun 25-Dec-16 13:20:27

I hate going over the top at christmas. We buy thoughtfully, things we know our dc will love. And that will last!
We don't live in a city so don't have toy shops convenient to us. So I guess I or the kids don't see what's out there, which means I get ideas from them, not from their impulses.

Mil, definately walks around toyrus just picking up any old crap with no thought.
Plus, everything she has bought dd is fucking pink!

Nameforsaken Sun 25-Dec-16 13:22:04

No user it's a dolls house

Nameforsaken Sun 25-Dec-16 13:23:21

even I'd never gove that many presents to one person, not even dc. I bet mil can't even remember what half the stuff is she's bought

RNBrie Sun 25-Dec-16 13:23:39

I aim low. I buy my dc stuff they need and some nice clothes and then I tell the family what to get them that I know they'll love. Then I sit back and watch the joy. My sister always gets exactly what I tell her to and it's always my dc's best present, my sister is getting all the praise but I get the warm glow of knowing I nailed it. Take the competition element out of it and it's win win!!!

TheQueenOfFuckingEverything Sun 25-Dec-16 13:24:29

This used to happen every fucking year with my ex PIL.

DD is now a teenager and I was rather relieved when they sent her £50 in November to buy her own present with.

Then they took her Christmas shopping last week and helpfully gave her the money to buy loads of stuff for my younger DS (not their grandchild, in fact they've never met him).

People think I'm being a bitch for feeling ungrateful about it but I know that they know that it's unwelcome. They're pissing me off and outshining me via a child they've never even met and I can't say a word about it without seeming like an utter bitch. Obvs I haven't said anything of the sort and have been very nice to DD about how kind she's been. But inside it smarts. DS hasn't even touched his gifts from me yet cos it's all about the fucking huge remote control dragon that we don't even have fucking room for!

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Sun 25-Dec-16 13:25:00

I think yabu sorry. I hate pink plastic tat with a passion, I get it, but it's Christmas, your mil has bought lots of things which is kind. Anyway part if Xmas is getting tat!

chocolateworshipper Sun 25-Dec-16 13:27:04

Create an Amazon wish list for your kids (you know you can add things from other websites). Insist that she ONLY buys things off their wish lists so that they never get duplicated presents. Obviously the wish lists that you control won't have any crap on

Nameforsaken Sun 25-Dec-16 13:27:12

I know lois I know I'm being totally U.

Nameforsaken Sun 25-Dec-16 13:27:48

That's a great idea choc

Nameforsaken Sun 25-Dec-16 13:28:15

She's wasting her money too. But she doesn't seem to care about that.

DJBaggySmalls Sun 25-Dec-16 13:29:59

YANBU, its not a nice thing to do. Families work together, not against each other like this.

cansu Sun 25-Dec-16 13:31:13

Giving stuff away before your dd has chance to pkay with it is bloody rude and ungrateful. My mum has always done this. It gives her pleasure. Dd loves the plastic pink stuff. Why should you intervene? I really dont get it? Maybe your dc prefer the toysrus stuff? If so maybe you need to face that.

Cagliostro Sun 25-Dec-16 13:31:43

YANBU I do think less is more. But even if the tat is overshadowing it today it doesn't mean it's forever. Toys that are well made will outlast it and get much more use and love in the long run. Not that it's a competition of course and I bet DD is just over the moon that she is loved and has toys to play with.

Just because something is not really fawned over at the time doesn't mean it's not a hit. It's like books - every year the kids get books at Christmas, DD even specifically says santa always brings books and it's not Christmas without books! But they get mostly ignored on the day and that's fine - they get loved and used plenty after but it's understandable that the more flashy things get the attention first. smile

Cagliostro Sun 25-Dec-16 13:33:23

YABU about getting rid of stuff first though that is not fair. The only time that is OK is if it's something so badly made/age inappropriate that it would be unsafe surely? My DCs have been given some dreadful stuff in the past that I would never dream of buying them myself (I am quite picky I admit that) but it's THEIRS.

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