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Thoughts please

(15 Posts)
Workitbabe Sun 25-Dec-16 12:41:57

Ex dh and I take it in turns to have our 2 dd's on Christmas Day. They have lunch at mine and then go to their Dad's in the afternoon and then it swaps the following year. This worked fine when he lived 5 minutes away. He has now moved with his new wife to somewhere an hour away. He has asked if we can meet half way (will be an hour round trip) so he can have the girls.

I am personally pretty pissed off, as it was him he chose to move an hour away.

What do others think?

They are due back at mine tomorrow afternoon, so am probably expected to do the same again.

RB68 Sun 25-Dec-16 12:51:53

Well how about yes thats fine today but I won't be able to do that tomorrow - an hour is nothing to be honest for this sort of thing. Its fairly normal to do halfway meets

Lilaclily Sun 25-Dec-16 12:52:53

It's not that far to drive surely

pipsqueak25 Sun 25-Dec-16 12:55:25

sorry but that seems a bit u on your part, splitting the difference in the meeting point is good isn't it ? you are parents and at least you are both trying to do the right thing for your dc.
plenty of parents on here don't get involved, stay in touch, i don't see the problem confused

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 25-Dec-16 12:56:19

Are you saying you would never move forward in your life in anyway that means you are more than 5 mins away from your ex?

If he refuses to see them as a result of the distance or says he can no longer afford to pick them up as a resukt of this distabce you have a point but he's not asking anything he's not currently doing himself right now.

Why don't you just say you can't do it and go from there? Have you actually asked or are you just assuming that's how it's gonna be

SpotTheDuck Sun 25-Dec-16 12:59:32

In general, the person who moves away ought to cover the cost/hassle of the extra travel, and in acrimonious custody cases that's usually what the court would order.

So I think it would be reasonable to expect that in general he should do the driving.

Having said that, id be cooperative today to avoid any drama over Christmas for the sake of your DDs.

pipsqueak25 Sun 25-Dec-16 13:05:00

some of this sounds a bit petty tbh. spot the op hasn't mention any problems with ex and acrimony, why should exh live on the door step to make life easier for the resident parent ? life moves on.
it sounds more like op can't be bothered to facilitate what is essentially for the dc on the occasion, surely this is ABOUT the dc ?
would it be possible for the dc to stay with ex tonight then come back tomorrow ?

SpotTheDuck Sun 25-Dec-16 13:29:50

Pipsqueak, yes I know that, and wasn't suggesting that it was (or should be) an acrimonious situation. I was just pointing out what's normal when one parent moves further away. The normal expectation is that the one who decides to move is the one who takes on the extra travel. But, as I said, best to be cooperative today in order to avoid drama.

Wellitwouldbenice Sun 25-Dec-16 13:34:28

He moves. He drives.

OutToGetYou Sun 25-Dec-16 13:39:05

Get drunk, tell him you can't drive.

Dawndonnaagain Sun 25-Dec-16 13:56:08

They're his daughters too, if they want to see their father it's up to both of you to ensure that happens as amicably as possible. So he's moved further away and offered you a reasonable alternative. Accept with good grace.

DJBaggySmalls Sun 25-Dec-16 14:00:37

He can make arrangements to see them for the whole day another day.

Workitbabe Sun 25-Dec-16 15:13:18

I am surprised by the reaction.

My dp moved away from his ds's and he took it upon himself to do the driving as he felt it was the right thing to do given he chose to move 45 minutes away.

I guess I am basing my view on what he does.

Ex h has also asked me to meet him half way tomorrow tea time to take the girls back. I have agreed this time, but have suggested next year they have 2 nights in a row in one place. I think that is a reasonable request.

TaliDiNozzo Sun 25-Dec-16 15:33:17

I agree in principle that the person to move away should shoulder the burden of the increased travel, both in terms of cost and time etc. But a little bit of goodwill (especially at Christmas!) goes a long way and I don't think it's terribly cheeky that he's asked.

Wellitwouldbenice Sun 25-Dec-16 15:35:08

FFS, tell him you're moving to Australia. Can he please meet you half way (and pay half as it will be quite expensive). What a prick. His problem. Doesn't need to become your problem.

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