To turn up without a gift for his wife?

[Chipscheesentomatosauce]

Long story short, I may be going to my uncles house later and I haven't got a gift for his wife. I don't like her as she caused a lot of hurt for my aunt when her and my uncle spilt up and she's just not my type of person. Im polite and things are civil when I see her, but she knows I'd just rather not see her.

My uncle is really my father figure and as far as him and my son are concerned, he's his grandad. Last year was the first time I was in his and his wife's house and it was a last minute thing. Delivered his present and stayed for about 45 mins. He's stopped signing his cards and presents from both of them, just him. He's asked me the other day about seeing us today and I said he could come here or we'd pop in there when my cousins over, like ended up happening last year. Last year he took some photos and said it made it his day that we came over. I don't want to have him running about all day, so that's why I said we could maybe pop in there. But I've nothing to give his wife, so would it be rude?

[RhiWrites]

If they're hosting, yes. Bung a bottle of wine in a gift bag.

[crumpet]

Yes, it's Christmas. A few chocolates or wrapped bottle of wine or something as a token.

[pasturesgreen]

Frankly, it doesn't sound great if you're going to theirs.

You must have something lying around at home that you could bring as a last minute gift - I'm thinking bottle of wine, box of chocolates?

[Lilaclily]

Box of after eights

Very rude to go empty handed

If you don't like her don't go to her house and eat her Christmas dinner !

[Chipscheesentomatosauce]

Not sure she's much of a wine drinker, so was thinking maybe a box of biscuits, or shortbread? and will only be from the shop up the road

[crumpet]

A gesture like that is fine.

[Chipscheesentomatosauce]

where did I say I was having dinner there?

[RockStonePebble]

Yes you must get her something! If nothing else, your failing to do so would likely make your lovely uncle uncomfortable. Why would you do that to him on Christmas Day? You must have a box of biscuits or some chocs you could wrap up as a token gift for her?

[QuiteLikely5]

Yes take something. If you love your uncle then respect his choice of partner - don't make her feel uncomfortable about your presence.

Kill her with kindness!

[Lilaclily]

Sorry I misread, I apologise

[Chipscheesentomatosauce]

Would it be worse to text and ask him what she does drink?

[Chipscheesentomatosauce]

I could see if my cousin knows, actually/

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

I'd find it rude if someone came to my house and doled out presents and left me like snot. You just dont do that. Surely you must have something to give her. A tin of biscuits or could you regift something to her.

[Chipscheesentomatosauce]

Its only my uncle I'll be giving to at that point. But, I know I should really have planned better. It feels a bit PA to hand her a bottle of something she hates or a cheap box of biscuits. But it's the best I can do now.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

A box of biscuits is fine. She's not expecting the crown jewels and a golden goose, is she

[TheRealBarenziah]

Was she the OW/reason that your aunt and uncle split up, or have I misread your post?

It takes two to tango. If you're prepared to overlook the fact that your uncle had an affair, you should try to forgive her too, rather than imposing double standards.

So yes, I think you should take something, even if it's just a bottle of wine or cheap box of biscuits.

If it made his day for you to pop in last year, it would be nice if you could reconcile with his wife sufficiently to be able to spend more time there during future Christmases. I bet it would mean a lot to him.

[Ellisandra]

Difficult as I don't want to have a go at you on Xmas Day, but... what did she do that was worse than what your uncle did?

If it is the affair - then they both cheated but he adds in utter betrayal of someone he promised to love and respect forever.

Unless she taunted your wife - and he stopped her? - then what had she done that is worse?

[Chrisinthemorning]

I would give a generic gift labelled to both of them eg alcohol, chocolates, a plant.
FWIW we are pretty much NC with FIL and his horrible wife (not MIL who is lovely) and this is what we would do if needed and what they do for us too.

[Chipscheesentomatosauce]

That is exactly what she did! When he decided he wanted to try again with my aunt. Which didn't work out, obvioulsy. He maintains there was no affair as such; but he left my aunt six weeks after meeting her.

But I shall take a small thing. My aunt raised me better than that. Though I know it probably hurts her that I'll even be going there

[HappyJanuary]

If she went out of her way to hurt someone you love, your aunt, then I don't think it's necessary to take her a gift. Yes it's a snub, but so what? You're calling in for a short time and will only have a gift for one person. Presumably you have forgiven your uncle because he has done lots of kind things for you over the years, but she hasn't. Seems two-faced to give her a gift in those circumstances imo.