To be a bit upset with his Mum?(18 Posts)
Me and my other half are having our first child together, he doesn't have a great relationship with his mum but on speaking terms, she's been told we're having a baby yet she's not said anything to me and she's made it out to be an awful thing, blaming him and saying he's got me in trouble by doing this, everyone else has been happy for us but she's playing on my mind, I don't know if I feel hurt or just emotional, she has other grandchildren and he has a child from a previous relationship, my mind is thinking I don't want my child to be treated any different but it seems like it will be
Is there any reason why she might reasonably not be thrilled? Are you 16 for example? Is he in trouble with the police a lot?
I'd just ignore her if you can, of course its upsetting but you know the relationship isn't great.
How far along are you? Hopefully shell get more excited as you go along?
moonshine (lovely name) try not to worry. Just correct her when she says anything... "I'm not in trouble, we are delighted." Whether the baby was planned or not, as MommaGee says unless he is in trouble with he law or you are 16 or under then it should fine.
I wouldn't worry too much you can't really gauge until the baby is here (and about 12 months old)
No, I'm coming up to 30 and he is in his 40s, the baby wasn't planned just yet but we both wanted a baby and both thrilled it's happened so soon, he's a decent man, doesn't get in trouble, sticks by his other child and if his ex is ever in trouble he does his best to help her out, it's like she's decided she doesn't want anymore grandchildren so that's that. He has corrected her and she just ignores him, it upsets me a bit because hearing what she's like with other grandchildren and when she found out about pregnancies before she's always been thrilled and the loving Nan but I haven't even had a congratulations or any acknowledgement of the baby, I've had a better reaction from his ex than I have of his mum and me and his ex don't normally get on but that's going to change.
Don't know if it's me just being emotional or not but if she can't be happy for us while we're pregnant I'm tempted to tell her not to bother at all once the baby is born if they will get different treatment to the others.
Is she religious or worried about 'what will the neighbours think'? Could it be the fact that you aren't married? Silly in this day and age but you know how some people are.
She's not religious at all and has has a reputation when it comes to men even since my other half was a baby but no one is allowed to bring that up!
Me and my other half both had the same views when it comes to marriage, baby or not it wouldn't happen because we just don't believe we need to be married, we're not religious and would rather spend our money on living together and having a family which is now all happening and it's a very exciting time for us ☺️
It'll be her loss if she wants to ignore the fact she has another grandchild on the way but I'll put my foot down on anyone who thinks they can play games with my child, that won't be happening.
Thanks for the congratulations ☺️
This is about whether you can ride it out and hope she comes round and you can forgive her. Or whether this is a deal breaker as far as you and OH are concerned.
My MiL was absolutely awful to My DD and her partner. The partner was separated from his wife and In the throws of a divorce when my DD met him. A year later, when my DD was expecting, my MiL would come to,the house and not speak to her or her partner. (They were living with us temporarily) . This went on for about two months. Eventually My OH told her she was not welcome to visit us, if she would not show respect to our family.
She did come round eventually, my DD forgave her and had a great relationship with her. Myself and OH played along for the sake of family, we put on a big pretence that all was OK. The truth was that, neither of us could forgive her for the way she treated them. My DD was very ill with the pregnancy and I don't think the treatment from a Gran that she loved, helped.
Whose told you what she's said?
How long have you known your OH? If it's a while and she hasn't bothered to build up any type of relationship with you, she might be doing you a favour. Let her stay at arms length.
Now DH and I hadn't been together long when I became pregnant unplanned. DH was coming out of a divorce and had a DS, my DMiL and my DP struggled with the news at first but given some time they came round and once DS1 arrived he was very much loved by everyone.
I'd give her some time to get used to the idea, talk about the baby etc and wait and see if she comes round. Once the baby is born, if she's still not excited or enthusiastic then I think you can make a decision about her future involvement with the baby. It may just be a shock she's trying to get used to!
Could she be worried about the age difference between you and your partner?
Also, please make sure you are financially independent. If you put yourself in a vulnerable position financially and something happens to your partner or you split up you don't have the same rights as if you were married to him.
She could have concerns over the age gap, it's quite significant. There's also the fact it appears to be a new relationship and there's already an unplanned pregnancy, most mums would have conflicting feelings over that, worried it may not last, anger their own child had been careless or the feeling they were "trapped".
Your son could talk to her like an adult to find out what her worries or concerns are however irrational they are.
Been here OP with my ex. Had two DC with him and practically had to make his mum see them at all despite her seeing her other grandchildren regularly. Was weird... luckily we're now ex and I don't have to see the crazy woman anymore. Did find out though she'd decided one of them didn't look like him so wasn't his!!! Anyway they do see her more now and they like her but I'm still glad I don't. .. oh and the one that didn't look like him is the one that resembles him most now :D
When you say it's happened "so soon", does that mean you haven't been together long? If so, she's probably worried that it's too early to be sure the relationship might last and she could have another grandchild who doesn't live with their father.
He told her himself because obviously he's happy and wanted to share the news with his mum, she's not yet spoken to me, he said I should message her and just see if she had a nice Christmas and see if she mentioned it but I don't really want to do that.
When I said about it happening so soon we was wanting to be moved into another place before it happened but that's not a problem as we will be moved before the end of next month, we've been together and know each other for a long time, the age gap has never been a problem.
Just seems like every time I've tried to make any type of relationship with her she dismisses it unless I'm doing something that will help her out then she won't leave me alone!
I would just let your DP deal with his mother and you focus your efforts on enjoying your good news with people who are happy for you.
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