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to be upset with DH?

(16 Posts)
bonnieweelass Sat 24-Dec-16 15:10:59

DD has been sick all week and today DH has gotten it. After spending much of the morning complaining about not being well, he also announced that he still had some presents to buy and was going into the city to get some. After coming home later than he said, he's fallen asleep on the sofa.

Every time DD asks him to build her xmas present (which he got on weds and I spent all day yesterday clearing her room to make space for) he snaps at her to give him peace and let him sleep. But he wont let me help either.

I have had a go at him for leaving everything til the last minute and upsetting DD. He shouted back that he spent x amount of money on me because I wanted 'extra presents' and he didn't have any money to buy me them until now. He's also shouting at me about getting presents all wrapped but I've been a bit preoccupied with watching sick DD all week, not being able to go out anywhere as a result and not able to wrap with DD not being able to sleep!

I told him he had asked me months ago what I wanted and had plenty of time and should have said at that time if I wasn't going to get it. I told him he was ruining christmas with his attitude and by pointing out how much everything was costing him. DD is upset that her big present isn't built yet and the excitement has been spoiled for her (she's nearly 9, doesn't believe in santa anymore)

So I've got 2 sick people in the house, DH taking it all out on me, I have presents I feel guilty for wanting, and which i know the exact pricing of, I just feel christmas has been ruined now and to top it off we're having dinner tomorrow at MILs who will no doubt lecture me about looking after DH and how he works soooo hard (I work full time too and it was me who took time off to look after sick DD not him). I just can't be bothered with it all.

its the same with holidays. DH ruins it by moaning about the cost.

AIBU to be upset and pissed off? Sorry if it doesn't make sense. I just need to vent and knowing what to say to DH and MIL tomorrow when he tells her how sick he is and how tired he is and how hard he worked etc

JenLindleyShitMom Sat 24-Dec-16 15:13:43

I think you're both stressed, it's Xmas eve, and you should cut each other some slack. He is feeling sick, nobody is in good form when they are sick and your DD should know better than to pester for presents (before Xmas!) when someone isn't well.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Sat 24-Dec-16 15:13:58

If they are both sick you may need to cancel going to the MILs.

Iloveswears Sat 24-Dec-16 15:15:51

You have a dh problem. It's not just about Christmas.
Sounds like the equity of your relationship is off?

Allthewaves Sat 24-Dec-16 15:21:40

I'd tuck everyone into bed and put your feet up. You all sound tired and out of sorts and having a go at each other. Only thing dh had done wrong is not let u crack on and build dd presents, everything else is a bit tit for tat

Footinmouthasusual Sat 24-Dec-16 15:24:41

Yes all stressed. Tuck them up and have a nice glass of fizz.

Tomorrow is another day my dear. Hope you don't catch the big or worse gone to lovely milgrin

Footinmouthasusual Sat 24-Dec-16 15:25:40


Scooby20 Sat 24-Dec-16 15:51:36

I think you are all stressed.

But to be honest regardless of wether your dd believes in santa, I wouldn't be happy that she is pestering on Christmas Eve to have her present built. She doesn't get it until tomorrow.

As long as it's done, for tomorrow, why does it matter when it's done?

He has acted like an arse but he isn't well and being pestered. Then you had a go at him. He had a go back and now it's all got put of hand.

MoodyBox Sat 24-Dec-16 16:32:24

YABU. I may be prejudiced though as I am also ill and mumsnetting napping.

BadKnee Sat 24-Dec-16 19:35:25

Agree DD should be distracted and should not be pestering her sick father to build a present.

Cut each other some slack and rethink xmas for next year. The whole performance is exhausting and no-one has time for it. Last year I was wrapping til 4 in the morning as the kids wouldn't go to bed.

We all, me included, get caught up in it and end up pushing each other to do more at a time when we are busy and often ill. The point about xmas is that it should be a holiday.

As others say - relax a bit

holidaysaregreat Sun 25-Dec-16 01:35:00

YABU if he is ill. Yes he left it all until last minute. but I had to wait til payday too for final few gifts. Maybe stay home tomorrow.

DoosyFartlek Sun 25-Dec-16 01:52:59

What illness has he got? How bad is it?

Yes hes disorganised but he's ill so it's pointless getting cross about the gifts. He can get them in the sales. What was it you wanted?

Are you on a tight budget financially? Or in debt? Why is he worried about money? What are his parents like with money?

With mil when she says DH works hard, say 'yes we both work hard' when she lectures about looking after DH say 'yes I need a rest too, I'm utterly exhausted'.

DoosyFartlek Sun 25-Dec-16 01:54:34

Also at 9 DD is old enough to wait fo item being built.

Or just build it yourself without discussion

MommaGee Sun 25-Dec-16 02:12:55

Why has Dd even got her present yet? Its not Christmas.

DH might be a miserable are but he's I'll and still went out present shopping.

Obv the cost of everything over presents and holidays is annoying but probably best tackled at someime other than the most stressful time of the year

Sybys Sun 25-Dec-16 02:28:35

I have sympathy for DH here. Unfortunate time to be ill and he probably feels rotten about it and wants to sleep it off. Can't imagine braving town on Xmas eve when you're ill is much fun, and it's not unheard of for people to have to wait until payday. Dd shouldn't be pestering him.

He shouldn't be having a go at you either, but he's ill and frustrated and telling him he's ruined Christmas seems a bit mean.

Isetan Sun 25-Dec-16 05:27:50

I have not moved from the sofa all day because I feel like crap and DD and aren't going anywhere because we feel like crap. Christmas dinner has been postponed until we feel better and DD has reminded me that we have been so busy lately that maybe this is a way for our bodies to enforce a time out. We are together in our warm house with a fridge full of food and most importantly, a downstairs lav.

Christmas has not been ruined, what's happening in Aleppo should be a sobering reminder of that.

MN is choc full of unrealistic expectations surrounding one bloody day.

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