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to ask whether anyone has recovered from a 'stranger' rape

(106 Posts)
myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 04:08:16

And if so how?
Time ?

I am struggling massively. I just want to hear that I can get over this.

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 04:14:59

For context, I can't sleep so tried to walk to nearby 24hr shop and ended up crying like a baby. I can't remain indoors for the rest of my life.

ThatMummy Sat 24-Dec-16 04:18:55

I didn't want to read and ignore, I am so sorry you have been through that sad one of my close friends has been struggling through since it happened to her last year, I am going to sleep now but will reply properly tomorrow, it will get better x

addstudentdinners2 Sat 24-Dec-16 04:26:01


I'd bump this in the morning if I were you when more people will be awake, it will get lost otherwise x

blerghblerghblergh Sat 24-Dec-16 04:26:12

I'm sorry this happened to you flowers I have also unfortunately dealt with a rape, but not a stranger rape. I have found that time dulls the memory but I never got therapy.

I hope you can deal with this and overcome this. You're not alone X

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 04:42:22

Thanks to you all. I'm so tired of nightmares and not sleeping and not leaving the house. I used to be such a different person.

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 04:46:12

The memory only seems to haunt me when I'm asleep. The problem now is that I'm afraid of everyone. Leaving the house is trauma. But I force myself to. Then I end up crying like a baby in the middle of the street.

DesignedForLife Sat 24-Dec-16 04:55:27

Yes, took me years before I could stand in close proximity to a man without being paralysed with fear. Counselling helped a lot. Having some very kind gentle guy friends and colleagues helped a lot. The real turning point for me was meeting a very very kind and gentle (now) DH, something that I wouldn't have thought possible for many years.

I'd strongly recommend getting some professional support, it sounds like you're getting totally understandable panic attacks. Can you go and see your GP?

Whilst not a cure, antidepressants did help me a bit too.


myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 05:01:06

Hi designed. I'm under a mental health home treatment team so they come out to me. They seem not to be able to deal with the fact that I was raped lol though I believe the police and psychiatrist s are having some sort of team meeting soon.
They just gloss over it and look at each other.
I know it's not their area of expertise but I dunno. I'm just not coping.

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 05:04:11

Plus I'm exactly like you. Every man is a potential threat.
This is fucking torture.

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 05:05:46

I'm so angry that sometimes I scare myself!

UnbelievablyChocolatey Sat 24-Dec-16 05:38:09

I'm afraid I've no advice for you OP but I'm up feeding DS and couldn't not respond to your post. I can only say that time is a healer and hopefully one day you can stand tall again and all this will be a tiny insignificant factor in your life. It isn't what defines you and one day you will realise your worth again flowers

TheCatsMother99 Sat 24-Dec-16 05:54:41

My good friend has. It happened before I met her though so not entirely sure of all the support she had at the time although I know she's said she did have counselling and we have spoken about it since I've met her.

She was also stabbed during the attack and received counselling for that and the sexual attack, I understand it wasn't easy for her for a while but she's doing so well now and it's only very specific situations which make her feel panicky, which is completely understandable and the panic she feels now is projected more on to friends, for example, there is no way she would let a friend walk home alone at night.

You will get there too, it won't be a quick fix but you'll feel more safe and better in time, it's so cliché but it is a healer. Try not to be hard on yourself, take a day at a time and one situation at a time. Just as you've done here, if you're finding things hard then tell someone you know.

I sincerely wish you a the best & hope you feel better soon flowers

OhWotIsItThisTime Sat 24-Dec-16 06:19:33

Yes, a friend of mine. Her attacker got caught (dna), but as he had a mental illness he was sent to hospital for treatment.

Legally, this is correct. But for her, it felt morally unjust. She was so upset, afraid and angry.

It all took time. She went off the rails a bit, then changed her career and found her partner. She came through it and is one of the funniest, most talented people I know.

Good luck, give yourself time. flowers

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 06:25:01

Thanks. I'm just crying for no reason again so will reply properly when I can

foxesandtoadstools Sat 24-Dec-16 06:32:26

Sorry I have no experience and can't help but I couldn't read this and not reply. Be kind to yourself ❤️❤️

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 06:34:50

The bastard has a history of rape including time served.
His description should have gotten him immediately arrested.
Less than one month later, he raped a 15 year old.

He is now on remand until the trial.

If the police officer had fucking just googled they'd have found his fucking name. I knew his bloody name from google before they did.

WowserBowser Sat 24-Dec-16 06:35:05

Hey there.

I have pretty much. It was about 7 years ago. I dont even think about it most days.

I havent had proper counselling as was advised not to because of the trial. He is in prison. He served 5 years and was recalled but no idea what for.

What helped me was going on to get married and have a family.

When i look back on it all now, i dont know how i got through it. It was hell.

But you will too flowers

Im so so sorry x

pklme Sat 24-Dec-16 06:39:04

Sending love and strength, as I have no wise words....


AnaMaleka Sat 24-Dec-16 06:39:12

Op ive not been through stranger rape but other rapes. The nightmares and flashbacks can be dealt with through EMDR - it's the trauma therapy used with soldiers (US, UK and Australian from what I know) and works for the majority. It doesn't take away the actual memory, but it makes all the triggers "normal". So if, for example your attacker was wearing a red t-shirt and every time you saw a red t-shirt you dissociated/had flashbacks/had a panic attack, after the treatment you would just see a red t shirt and not have those reactions. It also means the memory of the event gets "neutralised" so you can recall it (you don't forget), but it's like talking about walking to the supermarket, or sitting on the bus: there's no horrible, scary, panicky feelings with it.

If you've not been offered or tried it, then I highly recommend you ask for it. I also can't pretend it's easy to do, but what you've gone through and are going through aren't easy either.

You are not going crazy, you have been put through something that was too much for your mind to cope with, but it can get better - and this method is proven to work. There's a lot of research on it and they can't understand why it works, but it is proven effective (and like I said is used on veterans),and best of all, assuming your rape was a one off, would work pretty quickly too.

If your MH team for any reason don't have someone who practices it, then I suggest searching online for someone near you who does and asking them if they think they could help you. If you can't afford their fees, ask if they ever do reduced rates, or know of another therapist who does it who does - because some do, especially for something like this.

Nobody can undo what this bastard(s) has done, but the symptoms certainly can be helped so that life becomes worth living again.

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 06:39:33

And DO you know the worst? Someone (I think his son and mother) walked in while he was holding my jaws shut to stop me screaming and they did nothing.

Angry isn't enough of a word.

Champagneformyrealfriends Sat 24-Dec-16 06:41:24

I don't know what to say - I just want you to know that, whoever and wherever you are, I am sitting on my little sofa, thinking about you and sending you love and strength. You will get through this. flowers

siscaza Sat 24-Dec-16 06:45:36

I've not been raped but I was attacked (ABH) in broad daylight in a busy place and no one helped. I too felt very angry with the works for a while and having been widowed a few years later it was like a grieving process I had to go through, what I knew about the world had changed and I couldn't trust anyone anymore. Victim Support were very good and I had counselling too.

Have you contacted Rape Crisis? Seen your GP? I'm appalled at your MH team!!

Gentle hugs to you, be kind to yourself flowers

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 06:46:40

Sorry, was busy ranting while you were responding. My main trigger seems to be beards. I know he's in custody so it's not blooming rational that I'm afraid it's him.
Thanks for listening.
None of how I feel now seems to have any basis in sanity so please excuse me if I suddenly don't respond.

myoriginal3 Sat 24-Dec-16 06:50:20

That's exactly how I feel. The world is not the place I thought it was. I don't know anything anymore.

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