To expect more from Xh?(4 Posts)
As some of you know, my two youngest cherubs have behaved pretty badly recently. Firstly, DS was in trouble at school for being part of a group of boys who were picking on other kids. He was thankfully not the ringleader. But when I told his Dad, in front of him I was kind of expecting him to get a telling off. Instead all Xh did was shake his head and say " oh dear that's not good is it" then changed the subject. I'm furious, so should he be.
He never disciplines them, not properly.
So I told him about the Christmas present saga, (where they opened the presents twice!!) Both children looked rightfully concerned and ready to be told off. I thought good they should learn their lesson, but then XH just says " well that wasn't a good idea was it.... So are we ready to go...". What the ????????
I am still in court as he keeps wanting to change the contact arrangements. Where the bleeding judge refers to him as if he can do no wrong. It makes me so angry.
Anyway. We bumped into him in town today and the kids ran up to him to say hello all excited, he blanked them. Not a hug or kiss and noting about whether they were excited about tomorrow night ... Nothing. He then said he was on a lunch break and could he go because he was hungry.
It breaks my heart, this is not a father.
Now I know it is not all his fault as he has aspergers ( diagnosed whilst we were married) but damn it kills me every time to see their little faces light up and hit that brick wall of emptiness.
I think you know you are being unreasonable, especially given his diagnosis. But I understand your frustration.
If you need more from him than accept that he won't supply it spontaneously and tell him.
With the school issue, perhaps a text to say "DS has been in trouble at school for bullying. We need to come down firmly on this and so when I tell you in front of him, please may you react with shock and disappointment at his behaviour to support the discipline the school and I are also implementing"
Similar with the presents issue. Perhaps suggest to him that he may suggest that the children Lose a gift for their actions and that you will support him in this.
Regarding the "CBA, I'm on lunch" perhaps "DC were elated to see you at lunch time but a little confused that you weren't happy to see them. I know you were hungry but if we manage to bump into you again, just a smile would have made them feel happy"
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