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AIBU to send Christmas card back to DM with not known at this address

(77 Posts)
Jessesbitch Fri 23-Dec-16 11:55:12

DM has sent a Christmas card to Mr & Mrs Hisname. I don't use his name and I've told her countless times not to do this. She says she's just being respectful to him. But she's disrespecting me! The kids have my name too. Aghhhhh.

TheSparrowhawk Fri 23-Dec-16 11:56:06


Ahickiefromkinickie Fri 23-Dec-16 11:57:02


iwilldoit30 Fri 23-Dec-16 11:57:08

Why don't he just change his name to yours?

Send it back.

lougle Fri 23-Dec-16 11:57:37

It depends if your principle is more important than your relationship? I would view it as passive aggressive and rude.

SirMixALot Fri 23-Dec-16 11:57:53


VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 23-Dec-16 11:57:59

I see (and agree with) your point but I wouldn't do this myself.

Not at Christmas. fsmile

LittleWingSoul Fri 23-Dec-16 11:58:39

YANBU drives me mad too, but what lougle said

Jessesbitch Fri 23-Dec-16 12:03:38

I wont do it. But will have to tell her yet again not to do this. 15+ years!

KayTee87 Fri 23-Dec-16 12:05:14

I'd do it, she's being rude to you and obviously disagrees with your choices. Would drive me bonkers.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Fri 23-Dec-16 12:05:37

I would view it as passive aggressive and rude.

OP is not the PA rude one in this scenario!

EasternDailyStress Fri 23-Dec-16 12:05:40

I see your point, but it's a pain having to write two different names on every card. I usually just write first names with the address.

Mirandawest Fri 23-Dec-16 12:06:14

I've double barrelled my surname with DHs. This has led to a variety of ways of addressing cards to us - some people with just our first names, some with Mr and Mrs My surname and some with Mr and Mrs His Surname. I really don't mind. I suppose people like putting Mr and Mrs

0nline Fri 23-Dec-16 12:08:05

It depends if your principle is more important than your relationship? I would view it as passive aggressive and rude


Jessesbitch Fri 23-Dec-16 12:08:44

I'm not even fucking Mrs I'm Dr!!

HeadDreamer Fri 23-Dec-16 12:10:04

Not as bad as Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisSurname. We don't share surnames. So I don't feature at all!

IvorHughJarrs Fri 23-Dec-16 12:10:12

It must be irritating but I really don't see that it matters that much. If you feel such a tiny principle as writing on an envelope is more important than your relationship with your mother then go ahead.

Kel1234 Fri 23-Dec-16 12:11:09

I can understand why you are annoyed if you don't use his name. I'm the opposite and use my husbands name, but if someone used my maiden name instead that would upset me. I even get annoyed if some own uses miss or ms instead of Mrs as my title tbh.
I know it's not really that big a deal, but it's principle. You should be called whatever title and name you prefer

HeadDreamer Fri 23-Dec-16 12:11:36

Dr here too Jessesbitch. I think some people do it deliberately. Only thing is whether you want to make a stand. I don't. Not worth my while over a card.

OwlinaTree Fri 23-Dec-16 12:14:27

I can see how this is annoying but is it honestly worth letting her get a rise of off you about it?

KayTee87 Fri 23-Dec-16 12:16:19

God jesse that's even worse that mrs isn't even your title. People don't do these kind of things to men do they??

Popskipiekin Fri 23-Dec-16 12:17:01

I have kept my maiden name but DM does this all the time. I think she likes to think of us happy and settled as a "unit", gives her a buzz to write mr and mrs. I have given up telling her. My friends get it right and it's not worth the angst. YANBU but, to my mind, there are bigger battles. That she doesn't acknowledge your being a dr would really grate on me though!!

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo Fri 23-Dec-16 12:18:17

Customs have changed over the years and your DM is not keeping up. Yes, she's in the wrong, but you can choose how you react and respond, you know. For example, you can choose to roll your eyes and have a chuckle or make an issue of it.

May this always be the biggest gripe you have with her.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Fri 23-Dec-16 12:21:25

God jesse that's even worse that mrs isn't even your title. People don't do these kind of things to men do they??

I imagine they do when it's one's mother doing it.

My mother still calls me Teeny Bash.

EweAreHere Fri 23-Dec-16 12:22:05

Um, it's OP's mother who is being passive aggressive and rude. She knows it's not the OP's name, yet insists on upholding what she thinks OP's name should be...

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