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To not want to pay £10,000 for someone else to have a dream holiday?

(24 Posts)
CadleCrap Thu 22-Dec-16 21:41:27

We live overseas in a holiday destination.

The plan was to have a holiday with DH's family (Dad, 2 sisters, 1 brother and their families) in California in a couple of years time. His brother has said he will not be able to afford it.

My DH has offered for them to all come here and for us to use the money we would have spent on the California holiday on them. The only cost they would incur would be flights.

So, not only would I or the kids get no holiday, but I would have to pay for the privilege of it.

AIBU to be pissed off at his offer?

Dilligaf81 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:43:37

Yes id be very pissed off.
He should have at least spoken to you and why would you spend that much money on a sibling?? Could tjey not come to ypu for a bit ans still have a family holiday ?

TowerRavenSeven Thu 22-Dec-16 21:46:04

Yanbu but you say in a couple of years time? So much can happen before then. For one think a huge talking to your husband for not spending 10 K without consulting you. If he can offer it without your say so surely you can veto it without consulting him?

VeryBitchyRestingFace Thu 22-Dec-16 21:49:04

My DH has offered for them to all come here and for us to use the money we would have spent on the California holiday on them.

I don't understand how your DP's family coming to visit you at your home (?) would require you to spend £10,000? Surely there would be no cost to you?

Can you clarify?

CadleCrap Thu 22-Dec-16 21:50:43

Don't worry, I am going to veto it, but I am a bit pissed off that I would be made to look like the bad guy. If the families can't afford the original plan, I would rather spend the money on us going back to UK.

CadleCrap Thu 22-Dec-16 21:54:16

We might not spend £10,000 but including all the extra food for that number of people, day trips, visit to another city which would require accommodationand flights , a hire car etc. It would certainly add up.

Pestilence13610 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:54:27

10k to host your DH's DB for a year?

bunnylove99 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:58:52

It's v generous and kind of you DH but he should have ok'd it with you first. Surely you can accommodate them much more cheaply though? If they are coming to stay with you let them enjoy that in itself. I don't see a need for you to be laying on expensive trips for them beyond that.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Thu 22-Dec-16 21:59:43

We might not spend £10,000 but including all the extra food for that number of people, day trips, visit to another city which would require accommodation and flights , a hire car etc. It would certainly add up.

How long would they be coming for??

I would knock that itinerary on the head for a start if you are otherwise remotely inclined to humour them.

harderandharder2breathe Thu 22-Dec-16 22:00:31

Yanbu

Fair enough if you agree, for them to stay. But they should pay for trips and shopping and would generally be expected to contribute to food and/or take you out for a nice meal

JennyWoodentop Thu 22-Dec-16 22:01:26

Am I missing something?

- you don't get a holiday yourself, you stay home
- you incur costs of hosting, which come out of the funds for the holiday you're not having
- you get to do the work of hosting your inlaws - or is your husband going to do all the organizing, cleaning, preparations, shopping, cooking etc?

it's a big fat no from me

queenbeeee Thu 22-Dec-16 22:05:54

Just tell them to buy there own flights and hang out in your area. They would have to feed themselves regardless of whether they are on holiday or not so surly they arnt expecting you to pay for trips out. Maybe you can find some free things to do national parks,beach bbqs at home. I think you are being unreasonable seems to me your hubbie has just invited his family over to stay they are paying for there own flights and staying with you. What's the problem? It seems like you are completely over exaggerating I doubt very much that feeding some extra mouths will cost you 10k. Your hubby clearly wants to see the family so I think you should say that your not paying for daytrips and car hire (use the bus) and let him get on with it

rollonthesummer Thu 22-Dec-16 22:09:56

I would be very pissed off with DH-does he not speak to you before making big grandiose offers??

Has his brother in law accepted?!

queenbeeee Thu 22-Dec-16 22:11:20

Id be very hurt if I had to ask my dh if I could have my family come and stay. I dont think its something he would have to ok

KnittedBlanketHoles Thu 22-Dec-16 22:11:39

I would not be impressed with that arrangement.

57968sp Thu 22-Dec-16 22:12:21

It would be a big NO from me too!

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Thu 22-Dec-16 22:20:06

That sounds terrible

Separate the events

You, dh and your DC want to go on holiday to California- do that

You want to have a family reunion trip with dh's family - do that to a place you can all afford. If his db can't afford abroad, then meet in the uk

rollonthesummer Thu 22-Dec-16 22:24:58

Agree with hopelessly!

FrameyMcFrame Thu 22-Dec-16 22:30:37

WhAt the actual fuck?

no.

peppatax Thu 22-Dec-16 22:32:42

I'm reading as the £10k includes the flights so not just additional spends. Either way - fuck nooooo

HeddaGarbled Thu 22-Dec-16 22:33:22

Yes, hopelessly has got it spot on.

oblada Thu 22-Dec-16 22:36:39

This is seriously confusing! One brother said he couldn't afford it so the father and sisters can. So if they all came to see you how would you end up spending 10k?? Surely it can be done cheaper than that and you can go on another holiday on your own later on in california (although this would definitely NOT be my dream destination - missing point I know) or somewhere else.

SquinkiesRule Thu 22-Dec-16 23:30:34

I can see how you would spend many thousands hosting the whole family. We used to host my Mum and her Dh for a month at a time. We lived in California, and if I added up the costs of overnight hotels so we go to attractions as they are so far away from each other, plus extra food, eating out, entrance tickets, keeping the house cooler they couldn't take the heat food, petrol etc etc I must have spent 3 or 4 thousand each time.
I'd veto the idea, just tell his brother to start saving, he can come another year, if he wants to come he'll make the saving money a priority, if he isn't that bothered he'll wait for someone to pay his way.

JennyWoodentop Fri 23-Dec-16 00:02:13

Id be very hurt if I had to ask my dh if I could have my family come and stay. I dont think its something he would have to ok

I take your point, but if you live overseas, as I do, family don't just visit for a couple of days, it's often more than two weeks. So costs and inconvenience of lack of space and privacy mount up even when you get on well with them - that's before you factor in that they've given a lot of time and money to make this trip of a lifetime visit, so you do feel obliged to take them on trips, for meals out, get hockey or theatre tickets etc. It can be fun and well worth the effort, but it is a big deal and does need to be agreed in advance in my view. And it absolutely is not a fair exchange or alternative to having a holiday yourself.

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