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To be very disappointed in my step daughter today :(

(52 Posts)
user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 20:52:41

Namechanged for this.

My ds2 has been bullied in high school for the previous years. Me and the school took a hardline on this and eventually three of the boys were excluded for there actions (plus some other stuff). The police were also informed as they were also racist towards by son who is of a mixed heritage.

Yesterday evening my son received a message from an account without a profile on facebook. It was a picture of ds2 with a racial slur written in bold white letters.

I knew it was them, what I didn't know was how they found the facebook. It's a private account with just family and very close friends, it's a private account under a nickname. Ds accepted the friend request for this account and he didn't really think much of it.

However what i didn't know until today was that my step daughter is friends with one of the bullies. They are practically our neighbours and live on the same housing development. So I went and had a word with the bullies boys mum and she said she was shocked and the boy is in a lot of trouble (she sounded furious). What I didn't know was my dsd was hanging round with them yesterday.

I had a bad feeling as soon as I heard this, it then clicked as to how they found my sons facebook. So I quietly asked dsd if she had told them about ds2 facebook being him. She basically admitted to telling them. She said she didn't think they would send something like that and they told her they would not. I didn't show it but I felt so angry at her.

I felt betrayed by her, She knows what they are like she should have done better. I just can't look at her this evening. I told dh and he is very angry (she tried to blackmail him like she does).

To my stepsons credit he was very kind to my son although he is also friends with these boys he's not as close.

It's made me want to move, I feel so bad for ds2 of whom he has had to put up with racial abuse. The development does not have many young people live on it and so these boys seem to be big players in a very small pond.

I did not take it too the police but I let all the boys mums involved to be aware that if another single word is sad to ds2 I will.

My children's ages as i didn't mention them are ds1 17, ds2 16 dss 17 dsd 15 (same year as ds2).

user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:06:51

Anyone.

Birdsgottafly Thu 22-Dec-16 21:10:52

She's at the age were peer pressure can dictate their behaviour.

Your DH needs to question who she's mixing with.

Personally I would have taken it to the Police, it's a hate crime and everyone involved needs to understand the seriousness of it, your DSD included.

Rainatnight Thu 22-Dec-16 21:11:05

The only thing I'd ask is whether you're sure that your DS2 hasn't shared details of his account with anyone else. 16 is quite old to have such a private account.

Rainatnight Thu 22-Dec-16 21:11:38

And yes, I'd take it to the police. It's a hate crime. I'm sorry you and your DS had to go through this.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Thu 22-Dec-16 21:14:08

Hard to un pick it - but your dsd told these bullies who she is friends with what your sons secret FB is.

user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:14:14

16 is quite old to have such a private account.

The account has a nickname as they account name and a Manchester United logo as profile pic. To see anything else you have to be accepted as a friend.

Eevee77 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:14:33

I think you're over reacting in regards to your DSD. You can't even look at her? I'd be very dissatisfied that she thought they were appropriate friends, but they're almost adults fgs.

user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:14:51

Hard to un pick it - but your dsd told these bullies who she is friends with what your sons secret FB is.

Spot on.

gamerchick Thu 22-Dec-16 21:15:13

Go to the police. Seriously they come down hard on internet bullying. My ex friends daughter nearly shit herself when the police knocked on the door because of her Facebook bullying.

user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:15:57

Your DH needs to question who she's mixing with.

I agree I don't like them boys at all.

user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:19:14

Go to the police. Seriously they come down hard on internet bullying. My ex friends daughter nearly shit herself when the police knocked on the door because of her Facebook bullying.

When I knocked on the door they shit themselves. I spoke it out with the parents for a long time and they have promised severe punishment. This is the first incident in over a year, which is one of the reasons. They are also going to apologise to ds2.

GreatFuckability Thu 22-Dec-16 21:20:21

She's 15. She made a mistake in trusting someone. She owned up. I think you are being a bit OTT.

christinarossetti Thu 22-Dec-16 21:20:29

I also think you should report to the police now. To not do so gives a mixed message to your ds about how serious this is, and also to your dsd.

I'm sorry that you and your family are going through this.

Where did they get the photograph of your ds from, do you know?

user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:24:04

It was a facebook picture from ds2 page only accessible if he allows the request.

user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:24:29

But he acceapted the request.

Empress13 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:24:51

Did DSD know about all the trouble beforehand with the racial slurs? If so then why on earth did she give them his details?

Little bi. Atch if you ask me - I too wouldn't be able to look at her and yes get the police involved. Too much of this crap goes on these days. Could help prevent it happening to someone else.

And if I was your DH she would be grounded for the foreseeable and a word had with her from the police.

Bettyspants Thu 22-Dec-16 21:25:39

I think you're being abit hard on her, however I'd definitely report the incident to the police.

user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:26:29

She's 15. She made a mistake in trusting someone. She owned up. I think you are being a bit OTT.

I acceapt this but she showed a sense apathy in it that really pissed me off. She just didn't care. I've gotten over it.

Eevee77 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:26:50

Your ds also needs to take responsibility for his own privacy and not accept requests off people he doesn't know but at 17 that is up to him.

Miserylovescompany2 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:27:33

I would also suggest you take this to the police. Yes, you've spoken with the parents, but, I think a stronger message needs to be sent AGAIN! There has been previous police involvement and it hasn't deterred them.

nichito Thu 22-Dec-16 21:28:51

GreatFuckability The intimation seems to be that OP's lad has been racially bullied for some time by these specimens, and that in spite of this (presumably it is known about within the family) his stepsister has continued to be mates with these guys.

I accept the difficulties presented by peer pressure but the girl is not 8 years old, and peer pressure is not a get out of jail free card.

IMO it is exceedingly important for kids and young people to appreciate that there are certain circumstances wherein keeping your head bowed and saying nothing is cowardice. That ain't an appealing trait, and it's one I would be keen to nip in the bud wherever possible if I were the DSD's parents.

user1482432724 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:29:33

Tbf on her she didn't know about the previously racism, but she did know about the bullying.

MummyStep123 Thu 22-Dec-16 21:30:05

Is she aware of the bullying? I'd assume she was?
I would be really disappointed as well, and hurt.

SantasJockstrap Thu 22-Dec-16 21:31:53

She's 15? sorry but at 15 you know right from wrong and to be honest I would probably want her out of the house for good

She has deliberately given away the lads private online account, to someone she knew was bullying him - so it is clear what she was trying to achieve by doing this

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