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AIBU to dislike my 'pervy' husband?

(171 Posts)
TeamAlphaFemale Thu 22-Dec-16 20:16:43

Been with DH for 10 years, married for 4. Have DS 18 months. He's never been a particularly laddish type. I was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year - everything now fine but my confidence has taken a battering. This is all relevant information!

DH started hanging out with work colleagues when we had DS. Formed a sort of dad club type thing. Slowly over time he has turned more and more laddish - a quality I loathe - under the influence of these men.

Now I'm not being precious here - he's a grown man who can watch porn or stare at other women however much he wants. What I've taken exception to is that he often shares his lad comments with me - things like compliments to my sisters arse that his colleagues were talking about etc. He claims it's always just banter. But It's now escalated to the point where he (without me knowing) has taken pictures from FB of some female colleagues and shared him in his dad chat group asking them to rate these girls. Chat then ensued about how hot these women (none of them single btw) and there were various comments made about what they would like to do to these women. This is not ok as these women are his friends and his lack of respect to them disgusts me. (I checked his phone behind his back so can't confront him as he'll know I snooped.) he was also discussing my breasts and whether I should get a boob job but I'm not sure how far this discussion went as had to spring away from his phone as he came down the stairs!

So my question is: aibu to find his behaviour creepy and not ok, or is this just a thing men do? Should I be concerned that he has changed? AIBU to dislike this quality in him? What would you do in my shoes?

I am very insecure due to my post cancer appearance (not had masectomy but have other surgery scars on breast) so I don't want to be a dick about it if it's just my insecurities!!

PuntasticUsername Thu 22-Dec-16 20:19:01

Fucking hell, that's horrible. YA so NBU!

ChasedByBees Thu 22-Dec-16 20:19:02

Absolutely not OK or normal. I'm sorry.

Was there a reason you checked his phone? I think you will need to address this somehow.

He would risk losing his job and reputation if those women found out he had photographed them. And rightly so!

sj257 Thu 22-Dec-16 20:19:35

His behaviour is NOT OK at all! I'd be livid.

Goingtobeawesome Thu 22-Dec-16 20:20:17

You're not the one being a dick..

Smartleatherbag Thu 22-Dec-16 20:20:50

That's absolutely awful! It's also illegal.

Stormwhale Thu 22-Dec-16 20:20:56

His behaviour is disgusting. I think your snooping was completely justified, and you need to confront him. So sorry for what you have been through with the breast cancer. It makes his behaviour even more despicable, and I would struggle to forgive him.

TheViceOfReason Thu 22-Dec-16 20:21:46

He's a total cunt.

Toffeewhirl Thu 22-Dec-16 20:22:01

No, not just your insecurities. He should be going out of his way to make you feel good about yourself after what you've been through. I'm so sorry you're going through this. That's awful.

cosytoaster Thu 22-Dec-16 20:22:07

Urgh - YANBU. I'd find it creepy, disrespectful and not OK, particularly as these are women they actually know in RL. I think all you can do is talk to him about it and take it from there.

Grilledaubergines Thu 22-Dec-16 20:22:21

No, you really absolutely are not being unreasonable. His behaviour is yuk and I'd be feeling the same as you.

pipsqueak25 Thu 22-Dec-16 20:22:49

sorry but i'd be speaking to a solicitor on this one, no way would i stay with someone who acts like this, some of these so called men never grow up and he ia acting like a big kid.

SantasJockstrap Thu 22-Dec-16 20:22:50

Oh my goodness, no YANBU he is a fucking sleeze.

Complimenting your sisters arse?

I could not be with someone who was checking out my sister and had so little regard for women. Don't get me wrong I'm not a womens libber but this is fucking disgusting

pipsqueak25 Thu 22-Dec-16 20:23:02


BeaveredBadgered Thu 22-Dec-16 20:23:12

His behaviour is disgusting. Any redeeming qualities?

Scarydinosaurs Thu 22-Dec-16 20:23:15

I would admit I had snooped and tell him I didn't like who he was becoming. I could not be with a man like that. He is not the man you married. What a nightmare for you.

DearMrDilkington Thu 22-Dec-16 20:23:22

That's disgusting and I'd considering ltb if he didn't stop acting like that, which I double he will.

KayTee87 Thu 22-Dec-16 20:23:24

He's a fucking pig and yanbu. I couldn't be with a man like this sorry op flowers

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Thu 22-Dec-16 20:23:41

What made you want to check his phone?

His behaviour is awful. In no way would I accept dh behaving like that. Fwiw, I just read the op out to dh for a 'mans view' as it were. His comment was "he's an asshole"

DearMrDilkington Thu 22-Dec-16 20:23:42

Doubt* not doubleconfused

SantasJockstrap Thu 22-Dec-16 20:23:53

Just to add, I don't think I could be with him knowing this stuff

TwitterQueen1 Thu 22-Dec-16 20:23:55

Seriously disgusting, outrageous and unacceptable. think about that US blogger who took a photo of a woman in a gym shower and shared it, denigrating her. This is the same kind of thing. She has been prosecuted. Your DH deserves the same.

manhowdy Thu 22-Dec-16 20:24:05

He sounds like an absolute pig.

neonrainbow Thu 22-Dec-16 20:24:24

If my dh did that id have to seriously consider leaving him.

Gollygeewhizztits Thu 22-Dec-16 20:24:25

That is isn't just a thing men do. That's horrible. sad

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