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A close friend ignored my Dad passing away

(76 Posts)
LolaDevall Thu 22-Dec-16 13:50:12

A few weeks ago my Dad sadly passed away. He passed on the Tuesday and on the Saturday a friend was having her hen party. I texted her to let her know that I would be able to go to her hen on the Tuesday and gave the reason why. She didn't respond. About two week later I texted her to say hope she had a nice time and her only response was that I owed her chief bridesmaid money for a cocktail making class that had to be paid up front. I replied to her saying that I was upset that she hadn't acknowledge my news but was quick enough to ask for money and she responded saying that she apologised and that she was upset because I was the 4th person who had cancelled going to the hen. I really don't ant to go to the wedding because I feel I should be with my family at this time. What do you think please? She is normally a really lovely girl.

noelheadBandAid Thu 22-Dec-16 13:52:17

I think I'd be having fuck all to do with her from here on in.

Cheby Thu 22-Dec-16 13:52:18

Sorry for your loss. I would ditch the 'friend' and bail on the wedding.

CockacidalManiac Thu 22-Dec-16 13:52:35

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt in a way, she might not be very good at coping with death. Asking you for money like that was very insensitive though.
Sorry for your loss.

mamatiger83 Thu 22-Dec-16 13:53:15

I'm sorry god your loss, your friend sounds completely insensitive. A hen party can be rearranged but you can't put a price on supporting a friend xx

Rubyslippers7780 Thu 22-Dec-16 13:53:16

She has her head up her bum! Really? A lovely girl who never even responsed that your dad died?
I am so sorry for your loss flowers
Surround yourself with friends who care.
Take care of yourself

witchofzog Thu 22-Dec-16 13:53:18

She has been MASSIVELY insensitive and yanbu at all. In fact she hasn't been insensitive. She has been bloody awful and I would not blame you at all for not going to the wedding.

mamatiger83 Thu 22-Dec-16 13:53:36


AllTheBabies Thu 22-Dec-16 13:54:09

Sorry about your dad.

She sounds awful. Obviously she has the idea that nothing matters but her wedding. I would not be going.

cansu Thu 22-Dec-16 13:55:13

She doesnt sound v nice. Even if lots of people let her down she should have responded kindly to your initial text. I would leave it for now. Whether you go to wedding ir not depends on what kind of friendship you are expecting. If you were expecting a close supportive friendship I wouldnt bother.

itsmine Thu 22-Dec-16 13:56:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amandahugandkisses Thu 22-Dec-16 13:57:21

She is being incredibly insensitive. I would withdraw.

iknowimcoming Thu 22-Dec-16 13:59:14

So sorry for your lossflowers

Your friend was hugely insensitive and out of order and I would base my decision on whether to go to her wedding and forgive her on how close you were before this. Mainly because 1. She's probably majorly stressed over her wedding and 2. She may be one of those people who really cannot handle bereaved people/death. Neither of these things excuse her behaviour imo but may explain her apparently out of character reaction.

sarahd100 Thu 22-Dec-16 14:00:31

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

My dad passed away this year too, and I have to say it really shows you who your friends are sad

I wouldn't give up all hope on her quite yet - but perhaps text her and let it know it hurt your feelings. If she's been a good friend to you in the past it may be that she just isn't thinking straight at the moment and hasn't realised the hurt she's caused.

Best of luck with everything by the way, I know this is an awful thing to go through.

Steamgirl Thu 22-Dec-16 14:01:34

This must be a hard time for you - sorry for the loss of your father. Your friend is being selfish and insensitive. I think I would feel the same as you and not go to the wedding. I would send a card and gift with a brief note explaining why I'm not there in person and wishing her the best. She clearly isn't the lovely girl you thought, or, if she is, perhaps when all the stress and fuss of the wedding is over she will realise how awful she has been and apologise.

PoppyFleur Thu 22-Dec-16 14:02:06

Wow, I have heard many bridezilla stories in my time but she really has bought into the Disney idea that nothing should spoil her princess day.

I am so sorry for your loss and utterly disgusted that a friend could treat another in this way. If you don't want to attend the wedding I would send a card and a token gift.

Yoarchie Thu 22-Dec-16 14:04:47

I'd send a text asking for the chief bridesmaid's bank details and tell bride you'll send the money to her. Then I would cut her off and obviously not attend wedding.

Arfarfanarf Thu 22-Dec-16 14:06:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollyisalovelyname Thu 22-Dec-16 14:06:42

I'm with Yorchie. Pay up and cut her loose. Who wants a 'friend' like that.
Sorry for your loss.

NancyDonahue Thu 22-Dec-16 14:06:43

Sorry about your dad flowers

She's not a friend.

Blossomdeary Thu 22-Dec-16 14:10:09

Condolences over your Dad - a difficult time for you. flowers

Your friend sounds very insensitive. We all find death hard to deal with, but to just ignore the fact and then ask for money is not great TBH. I can understand why you might feel disinclined to go to the wedding.

AfternoonTeaBus Thu 22-Dec-16 14:14:21

Sorry about your dad flowers

Another one who says ditch the wedding and her. She's no friend.

krustykittens Thu 22-Dec-16 14:18:17

I am sorry for your loss flowers

Your 'friend' has behaved appalling. Perhaps this is out of character for her but I would be re-evaluating this friendship.

crumpetsforteaa Thu 22-Dec-16 14:19:48

People are such twats sometimes.

So sorry for your loss flowers I know some people get wrapped up in their weddings but some things are more important and it would hardly have been the end of the world if the others just paid for the class - I can't believe she didn't respond. I'm enraged on your behalf, OP.

OVienna Thu 22-Dec-16 14:20:16

She's out of her fucking mind.

HTH - and v sorry for your loss.

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