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to hate the comment "I'm an adult, you're a child, so you'll do as I say" or similar?

(87 Posts)
Christmas2016 Thu 22-Dec-16 12:41:54

It's not just me, is it?

cardibach Thu 22-Dec-16 12:44:20

Dep nds what it's about. Adults do have more knowledge and experience and sometimes children just do have to do what they are told. Sometimes there's a really good reason but it would take too long to explain. Sometimes it's to make the adult's life easier and that's OK too in Amy circumstances. I don't think never engaging with reasons with a child is a good thing, but sometimes? Even often? No problem.

CauliflowerSqueeze Thu 22-Dec-16 12:44:34

It seems to be more frequent the other way round sometimes!

Arfarfanarf Thu 22-Dec-16 12:45:49

Agreed it really depends on context.

Sometimes children simply do have to do as they are told because adults are in charge of them and need them to do as they are told.

Strongmummy Thu 22-Dec-16 12:45:53

I'm not keen and aim not to use it, but sometimes I'm tired and can't be arsed to explain so tell my DC to just do it as mummy says so!!!

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Thu 22-Dec-16 12:46:08

It really depends on the circumstances.

Sometimes you just have to insist, not every occasion lends itself to a full and beautiful explanation on the spot.

Christmas2016 Thu 22-Dec-16 12:46:17

I think it sends the wrong message.

No wonder so much abuse doesn't get reported - after all, they're the adult and the child will do as they said. If you have your parents reinforcing that too.....

J0kersSmile Thu 22-Dec-16 12:46:34

I actually like it. I get quite annoyed, though I don't show it, at my dcs friends that require endless explanations when they come round to play and I've said no about something.

fueledbybacon Thu 22-Dec-16 12:46:52

I use this, not regularly, for my teenager. They have breathtaking entitlement at this age!

Christmas2016 Thu 22-Dec-16 12:47:37

I think it's one thing to say "because mummy said so" and another to say "if an adult tells you to do something, you do it"

Wolverbamptonwanderer Thu 22-Dec-16 12:47:58

I think you're over thinking it. Abuse is a minor point in relation to the number of times children DO need to be told what to do by the adults in their lives.

Do you not think children should do what adults tell them to then?

J0kersSmile Thu 22-Dec-16 12:48:11

That's rubbish op.

I'm a youth worker and I work in a school. Most dc who are abused disclose it. More then 70%. That has nothing to do with being told to not do or do something without an explanation.

CauliflowerSqueeze Thu 22-Dec-16 12:48:50

There seems to be an abject fear of adults having authority over children and obedience. The relationship is not even and this is OK as long as it's not abused. Adults should be in charge. It's not always possible or desirable to explain the minutiae behind every decision to your child and reach a happy compromise. Sometimes young children can't be reasoned with ("no you can't go to the supermarket naked") and sometimes older children have to follow decisions that you want and they don't (I know we have plenty of money but you are not receiving £150 pocket money a week even though we could afford it).

Christmas2016 Thu 22-Dec-16 12:49:26

But why are you telling your children that adults are always right? That's exactly what you're saying, when you tell them "you do as an adult tells you"

RhiWrites Thu 22-Dec-16 12:49:35

This is the underlying moral of What Katy Did. The message is that if Katy had just done as she were told she'd never have got hurt. But if her Auntie had said the swing wasn't safe then Katy would never have taken the risk.

I think children deserve an age appropriate explanation - even that's "I'll explain later darling".

YetAnotherUser Thu 22-Dec-16 12:50:01

If I explained to my children exactly why they should do the things I ask, it would be bedtime before they were even dressed and ready for school.

Wolverbamptonwanderer Thu 22-Dec-16 12:50:49

You're not commenting on the rights of wrongs. It's not about an adult being "right" it's about the child doing what the adult tells them to

Trifleorbust Thu 22-Dec-16 12:51:14

I think YABU. As a general rule, when the adults in question are in a position of responsibility, that is exactly what I expect from my kids. That doesn't mean they do what total strangers say, but me, DH, grandparents, aunties, uncles, teachers - I fully expect them to do as they are told by those people.

Christmas2016 Thu 22-Dec-16 12:52:03

No, people are missing what I'm saying. You're all using examples of when you say "do as mummy says" - that's just implying you're rights, which isn't a bad thing. However, why say "you should do as an adult says"? That's just telling them all adults are right.

Presstheresetbutton Thu 22-Dec-16 12:53:02

I hate the trend of parents negotiating every single thing with their children.

Wolverbamptonwanderer Thu 22-Dec-16 12:53:07

So? I don't get your point. It's not about right, it's about doing as they're told. Right or wrong is irrelevant

J0kersSmile Thu 22-Dec-16 12:53:22

I tell my dc to do as they're told when they go out with friends parents ect. I want them to be well behaved.

I don't want my dc growing up feeling entitled to question adults. If they feel something wasn't right or wasn't fair they speak to me about it after and I'll sort it out. They aren't adults yet, their brains are not developed to make adult decisions and I trust the adults in their life to make the right decisions about whatever to keep them safe.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Thu 22-Dec-16 12:54:03

"But why are you telling your children that adults are always right? That's exactly what you're saying, when you tell them "you do as an adult tells you""

I'm not telling them that. I'm pulling rank, within family, in specific circumstances which may not be susceptible to full explanation on the spot. That doesn't mean it can't be explained later, nor that it happens in absence of wider understanding of roles and authority.

I suppose I just don't see it as a clear-cut as OP does.

Christmas2016 Thu 22-Dec-16 12:54:15

J0kers - I research psychology. Specialising in sexual abuse.

CauliflowerSqueeze Thu 22-Dec-16 12:54:29

I agree with Trifle.

If a random man on the street says to come and have a look at his puppies then it's ok to say no.

If a teacher asks you to put on your coat then it's not ok to say no, even if the teacher hasn't sat you down for a long discussion about the weather, about the difficulty of managing a classroom if all 30 children said no, and of the fact your coat could get lost.

Sometimes I see a sign saying "no entry" and it doesn't have a long list of reasons why the person putting up the sign would like me to obey it.

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