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To not let exP come to my house on Christmas morning?

(16 Posts)
HappyGoLuckyGirl Wed 21-Dec-16 21:02:54

Back story: split almost 3 years ago. Past 2 Christmases have been spent together with our DS and other family members.

ExP had decided this year that he wants to split Christmas. He knows that I would rather not do this as we have previously discussed it, however, I was expecting it as he has recently got a new girlfriend.

I asked at the beginning of December what he wanted to do and he said split it. I didn'the make a fuss and we agreed I would have DS Christmas eve and the morning of Christmas day. He would come and collect DS at lunch time on Christmas day and bring him back at tea time on boxing day.

He text me a few days after this and said he would be coming down on Christmas day morning to do presents with DS. I said no, he was picking DS up at lunch time as previously discussed.

Today at drop off he said to DS "see you Sunday morning" which I corrected and said "afternoon". He looked annoyed and walked away.

He then sent me a horrible text to say I was being a twat because he had a new girlfriend. He wouldn't be getting me anything off DS for Christmas. He wanted me to stop spending time with his family (mother and sister) he wanted everything he had bought for DS packed up and ready to be taken on Sunday and he wanted "nothing to fucking do with me".

It's my view that he has decided to split Christmas and so my half should be just me and DS. Just like his half is without me. I don't have family I am close to so I am tagging onto my neighbours Christmas dinner, you don't see me telling him I will be turning up for dinner at his dad's!

AIBU?

dangermouseisace Wed 21-Dec-16 21:07:43

YANBU. You can swap around next year. He's lucky to see them at all on Christmas day! Last year I didn't see kids, this year their dad won't. Stand your ground and keep your boundaries up. He sounds like a right idiot, and rather childish to boot.

FoofFighter Wed 21-Dec-16 21:07:52

YANBU imo.

Have had similar problems with Exp wanting to come and "take dc away for a few hours late morning" I said no as it's "my" year
last year he had dc for xmas eve, xmas day and boxing day too. This year he has dc Fri, Xmas Eve day and Boxing day for a few days, he's got dc more than me again!!

Yet I'm the unreasonable bitch...

You have my sympathy. I hope you have a lovely time with your dc.

Tissunnyupnorth Wed 21-Dec-16 21:13:39

No I don't think so, but I would be v wary of your DS feeling like he was the object of a tug of war.

Maybe explain clearly & without emotion what you have said above, that Xmas eve & morning are your time and as agreed and the afternoon & Boxing Day are his and that you feel it is unfair for him to expect to share your time. What does he mean about spending time with his sister and mum?

The allocation of time described above, seems more than fair.

harderandharder2breathe Wed 21-Dec-16 21:15:54

Yanbu

Your time with ds on Christmas is for you, he's the one who decided to split it. He has the afternoon to do presents and spend time

Don't answer the door on Christmas morning if he does turn up! Turn up the Christmas music and ignore him.

Isadora2007 Wed 21-Dec-16 21:18:02

YANBU but I'm not sure what he has for DS that he wants packed up as he should be there to give his son his gifts... so I'd assume he would get those from his dad on Christmas afternoon.
His mum and sister can spend time with you if they like... he is wanting his cake and to eat it too.
Be polite but don't get dragged into text wars.

wasonthelist Wed 21-Dec-16 21:25:57

He's lucky to see them at all on Christmas day!
^This. In spite of asking nicely this will be the fifth Christmas (every one since we split) when I don't see DD from now until after Boxing Day.

HappyGoLuckyGirl Wed 21-Dec-16 21:36:52

Thanks for everyone's responses.

Good to know I'm not being a heartless bitch. Just sick of his crap.

Allthewaves Wed 21-Dec-16 21:39:47

He wanted to split christmas! Has he left all his presents for dc at your house? Surely if you splitting then he does separate present opening at his house in the afternoon

Cherrysoup Wed 21-Dec-16 21:40:43

In spite of asking nicely this will be the fifth Christmas (every one since we split) when I don't see DD from now until after Boxing Day.

So stop asking nicely, tell them next year and the following four, it's your turn. Totally unfair otherwise.

FoofFighter Wed 21-Dec-16 21:45:23

what Cherrysoup said.

fruitbrewhaha Wed 21-Dec-16 21:49:55

I agree with cherrysoup too

wannabestressfree Wed 21-Dec-16 22:12:43

Me as well....

Willyoujustbequiet Wed 21-Dec-16 23:11:45

Hold on a mo. It shouldnt be automatic to take turns for Christmas. If all things are equal fine....but if the NRP doesnt see them from one month to the next, does none of the donkey work then I'd be buggered if they got to share the spoils.

bloodyteenagers Wed 21-Dec-16 23:21:19

I'd text him back.
You seem to be texting the wrong person/someone else is using your phone. Cos surely these messages aren't for me. After all you wanted split Christmas and it was agreed from x-y. I will ensure ds is in the house at x time.

Totherighttotheleft Wed 21-Dec-16 23:24:38

Me and my ex split 3 years ago. The 3 Christmases past he has had Dc from 3pm Christmas Day. His contact day is sat night 6pm til sun 6pm (I fought for this, he was happy with two hours every wed tea time) Christmas Eve falls on a Saturday night. He declared it was his turn for Christmas Eve. I said fair enough but for the next 6 Christmases he's staying with me. He has him at 3pm.

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