I've NC'd for this as the circumstances are outy but I'm a long timer.
My DP and I are getting married next summer. It's not going to be a huge extravagant thing but we between us have a lot of family and friends- the guest list is currently at 130- so it's not going to be cheap either; we're aiming to keep it around the £10k mark which is pretty good value for a Home Counties summer wedding with a nice church and reception venue with halfway decent food. We're paying for it ourselves with family contributions here and there (my Mum is paying for my dress, his parents are paying for the cake and photographer- we've got mates rates on both).
At the moment we're living in DP's flat which he has on a shared ownership help to buy mortgage. We don't have a joint bank account, I just transfer him £500 a month. At the moment that money is going into our wedding fund, and he's adding another £100 himself, so we're saving £600 a month together.
Here the bit I'm not too happy about. My DGM passed away in April and left me £5000. When we found out how much she had left me (which was after we got engaged) DP said something along the lines of 'ok, well that'll get us halfway to our target.' and at the time I didn't think to argue. Since then it's just been taken for granted that all my inheritance would be going into the wedding fund.
After a long probate process, the money landed in my account today. And the more I think about it (which I have been quite a bit recently to be fair), the more I feel quite resentful at the idea of spending it all on the wedding- it's the only inheritance I'll ever have and I could do so many other things with it- pay off my student loan for example, or learn to drive- both of which DP has already done. When I've brought this up to DP he's pointed out that a- without it we'd have to save up for at least another year to be able to afford the wedding we want, and since I'm refusing to have kids before we're married and I'm already 31 we don't really have oodles of time to play with, plus we've already booked and paid deposits and sent out save the dates, and b- that when he eventually gets some inheritance all of that is going to go towards our future too. I do see what he means, but I still feel a bit annoyed about this and I don't really know what to do. Any advice?
AIBU?
To not want to spend ALL my inheritance on my wedding?!
December2016 · 21/12/2016 20:40
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I know my DGM would've been happy for it all to go on the wedding- she was very impatient for us to get engaged, bless her (as it was, at the time she died DP had picked the ring design and it was being made, so she only just missed it 
) and always said she'd contribute to the wedding, but I very much doubt were she still alive that she'd have subtracted that from what she left me. But the way it's turned out that's essentially what's happening.
I don't think we can save up the entire amount in time- the £600 a month we're putting away at the moment is pretty much the most we can afford. Financially we're not that intertwined- the mortgage and all the household bills are in DP's name, I give him £500 a month to cover my share - although as I said at the minute that's going towards the wedding instead. We buy food pretty much equally, split most meals out etc. So far we've not had any reason to change that arrangement. When we have kids, if he's earning enough I'll be a SAHM, if he's not then I'll work.
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