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Is it reasonable to move?

(56 Posts)
dreamapart Wed 21-Dec-16 13:58:25

Wibu to move a long way away from children's father, though staying in the uk? Or is this not allowed?

xStefx Wed 21-Dec-16 14:03:01

Whats the reason for moving? Job, new bloke?

dreamapart Wed 21-Dec-16 14:07:16

New start really smile

Daisyfrumps Wed 21-Dec-16 14:08:59

It's legal, but I think the other party can try to go to court to attempt to stop it. I think if the child has already moved and is settling into school etc then it's unlikely a court will rule to force her to return.

Are you fleeing?

dreamapart Wed 21-Dec-16 14:09:53

No, not really, I just feel a fresh start would be best

NerrSnerr Wed 21-Dec-16 14:11:33

It's so hard to say if it's reasonable with the little info you've posted. If your children have a good relationship with their dad who wants to be involved then I would say it was unreasonable if the only reason was a 'fresh start'.

Daisyfrumps Wed 21-Dec-16 14:11:49

dreamapart Wed 21-Dec-16 14:12:49

I think it's really because I don't trust myself not to go back to him, if he's close?

Daisyfrumps Wed 21-Dec-16 14:16:10

Have you had any counselling?

NathanBarleyrocks Wed 21-Dec-16 14:16:59

How would you feel if he did this to you?

dreamapart Wed 21-Dec-16 14:18:41

No, why?

I'd be very upset Nathan

limon Wed 21-Dec-16 14:19:45

How would you feel if he moved away with the kids?

UnbornMortificado Wed 21-Dec-16 14:21:14

It will be legal although ethically not so much.

I don't see why you'd move children away from their other parent except for abuse, violence etc.

Floralnomad Wed 21-Dec-16 14:21:40

I don't think you should do this unless there is a very good reason ie excellent new job / dying relative that you need to care for , your children are entitled to a proper relationship with both parents .

Daisyfrumps Wed 21-Dec-16 14:23:11

I think if you're mainly wanting to move away because you don't trust yourself to not get back with him, it might be easier to do some emotional work on yourself - make yourself stronger. This may be better than running away?

Or was he abusive?

DearMrDilkington Wed 21-Dec-16 14:26:14

If he is a good father and has a good relationship with the children then I think it's a really selfish idea, sorry. I also think your children will resent you later on in life.

Unless there is more to it of course.

dreamapart Wed 21-Dec-16 14:31:46

I don't really know. We've not split up yet.

Daisyfrumps Wed 21-Dec-16 14:47:45

Why do you want to split up?

dreamapart Wed 21-Dec-16 15:02:32

He's not very nice to me. But he's a good Dad.

Allthewaves Wed 21-Dec-16 15:06:12

If he's a good dad and you have no legitimate reason for moving then I'd say Yabu.

If kids have good parents then it's wrong to take them away from one of them if it can be avoided.

Get some counselling. I found relate very useful when trying to decide to stay in my marriage or not. They let me see the pros and cons. How in could go about separating and what it would look like

dreamapart Wed 21-Dec-16 15:15:35

People have said not to go to relate, so I'm not sure if I should of not?

UnbornMortificado Wed 21-Dec-16 15:16:32

You've got to put your children first.

DD2's dad was an abusive arsehole who currently isn't allowed unsupervised contact but I still wouldn't move,

DH was offered work down south we turned it down so DD can still see him supervised at his mams.

I do sympathise with you, I'd of loved the fresh start and the peace.

Daisyfrumps Wed 21-Dec-16 15:18:59

Which people have said not to go to Relate OP? You don't have to go as a couple. If he's not nice and controlling in the relationship it's best to attend counselling alone.

xStefx Wed 21-Dec-16 15:21:20

If you move away from your support network I.e Family and friends then your more likely to go back to him.

Leave him but don't make it hard for the children to have a relationship with their dad

I would suggest relate , at least you tried

5000candlesinthewind Wed 21-Dec-16 15:21:32

You would be very unreasonable imo. Very selfish of you.

Could you not move an hour or so away? That way you're not close enough to start things up again but your child can still easily see their dad and continue a relationship with him

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