WIBU to say 'no devices' to my adult family on Xmas day?

(182 Posts)
runlulurun Wed 21-Dec-16 11:32:07

My parents, sister and young niece are coming to stay for a few days over Christmas.

What I would like to do is collect all phones when they arrive (including mine and DH's) and then let them have them at designated 'phone times' for says 10 minutes to check messages before putting them away again. But even I can see that may be a tad controlling given that they are aged 40-70 grin

How can I discourage it? Dsis is absolutely glued to her phone at all times and DH and DF aren't much better and I find it incredibly annoying. How do I get them to put their phones/tablets down and get the fuck off facebook/twitter/bbc sport? I think they'd all enjoy themselves more if they were a bit more 'in the moment'

I think my sister already find me somewhat bossy and sanctimonious...blush is there any way I can do it without my whole family thinking I'm a dick? We already have 'no devices at the table'.

Could i ask them to put their phones away for certain periods? Or ask them to keep their phones in a basket in the kitchen so they can go and check them whenever they want but dont just stare mindlessly at them out of habit?

Am I being a dick? Anyway I can achieve this without pissing everyone off?

OP’s posts: |
GeorgeTheThird Wed 21-Dec-16 11:34:26

I think probably the best you can do is turn off the wifi and tell them all that the router isn't working. How is mobile internet in your house, would they just be able to use that instead?

Phones at the dinner table or instead of conversation is just bloody rude.

Sparlklesilverglitter Wed 21-Dec-16 11:34:52

I don't think you can tell an adult they can't use a device TBH.

What about taking photos, wishing there friends etc happy Christmas.

If some one wants to enjoy Christmas by using there device who are you to say they can't?

Maybe say no phones at the dinner table (if they use them at the table)

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Wed 21-Dec-16 11:34:59

Erm, yes sorry you would be a massive dick to ask this. They are adults, you can't give designated phone times to adults!


Have a lovely Christmas!

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup Wed 21-Dec-16 11:35:19

Seriously? I'd never visit you again!

Sparklingbrook Wed 21-Dec-16 11:36:01

I don't think that's on really. They are adults. You aren't being a dick if that's how you feel though.

What do you want them to do when they put the phones away?

EatTheCake Wed 21-Dec-16 11:36:34

😂 I think you was a controlling dick TBH

It's my Christmas too and if I want to chill with a glass of wine and my phone then why shouldn't I?
I would never use my phone at dinner/at the table but the rest of the time I will probably chill on my phone now and then


Hellmouth Wed 21-Dec-16 11:36:46

Maybe turn it into some kind of game? Whoever reaches first for their phone needs to do some kind of dare or something :D I understand where you're coming from, I think that people often spend too much time staring at their phones instead of engaging with people around them. I am so guilty of doing it!

Hellmouth Wed 21-Dec-16 11:37:17

I can't believe some of the comments on here, at least try to give suggestions instead of resorting to name calling!

NathanBarleyrocks Wed 21-Dec-16 11:37:23

YANBU. This drives me mad. My friends & family don't do it. The problem is with people I wouldn't choose to be around...people at work. I used to sit with some at lunchtime but now go out on my own as I can't bear their constant checking of their phones.

NapQueen Wed 21-Dec-16 11:38:42

I think asking people not to be on their phones during the meal is about as far as you can go.

NathanBarleyrocks Wed 21-Dec-16 11:38:47

What do you want them to do when they put the phones away? Erm...have a conversation, live in the moment, not be looking at tedious, repetitive shit on Facebook etc?

Pinkheart5915 Wed 21-Dec-16 11:38:47

Umm Yes you'd look like a dick

They are adults and can use there phones if they wish confused

No phones during your dinner is acceptable but the rest of the time you need to chill out about the phones

Sparklingbrook Wed 21-Dec-16 11:39:52

If the alternative is party games/charades or watching the TV I don't see the harm in them having their phones.

NathanBarleyrocks Wed 21-Dec-16 11:40:03

What are they looking at? Genuine question?

EverythingEverywhere1234 Wed 21-Dec-16 11:40:34

I think my sister already find me somewhat bossy and sanctimonious
Wonder why? hmm (only partly lighthearted) I get where you are coming from but you really can't tell other adults how to spend their time imo. Equally you can't say they'd have a better time if they did it your way. I can see no way that you could do this bar 'accidentally' unplugging the wifi without pissing everyone off.

xStefx Wed 21-Dec-16 11:40:40

Gosh you cant act like that, treating them all like children. Also perhaps they would like to speak to others on xmas day. Turn your router off, they can then message and call who they want but cant play in games and facebook all day without it costing them x
Banning the fones during xmas dinner for an hour though I cant see a problem with x

PumpkinPie71 Wed 21-Dec-16 11:41:13

Seen as you asked yes you'd look like a dick!

I agree with saying No phones while we eat dinner/no phones at the table but the rest of the time you can't tell an adult they can't use there devices because it's not something you like doing.

NathanBarleyrocks Wed 21-Dec-16 11:41:50

What kind of weirdo has their phone on the table at dinner time?

Sparklingbrook Wed 21-Dec-16 11:41:51

My friend often texts me from family gatherings having a good old moan. grin

Only1scoop Wed 21-Dec-16 11:42:03

I can see where you are coming from Op, completely.

However, the ban thing as you say is probably a little harsh.

How about suggesting family Christmas to them without being glued to messages and screens and the awful selfie production line. I hate it all. Get the good old board games out and get the older ones helping your niece construct Playmobil etcgrin

0nline Wed 21-Dec-16 11:42:05

I think my sister already find me somewhat bossy and sanctimonious

I don't think your cunning plan is going to help unstick that opinion. grin

I'm not attached to my phone. Most of the time I end up patting myself only to realise I've left it (.oh so usefully) at home again. But if told to hand over electronics prison visitor style.... future invitations would meet "oh dear, previous engament". I like nice, relaxed meet ups. People coming over all "rules of the house cos... behaviours I wish to control" tend not to be relaxed.

OSETmum Wed 21-Dec-16 11:42:51

I don't think you can ban phones! I guess the best thing would be to distract them with other interesting activities but that might be exhausting for you. TBH I'd let a bit of phone checking go, but if they're not engaging with others at all I'd just say, 'Will you put your phone down?!'.

Only1scoop Wed 21-Dec-16 11:43:07

Phones at the table confused
Do people actually do this

Bearfrills Wed 21-Dec-16 11:43:13

Your post reminds me of one year we had FIL and DH's Uncle round for Christmas lunch. They kept going on their phones and reading us out tweets they'd sent to their friends, then the friends replies, then their replies to their friends, then the replies back. I had an eye twitch after an hour and it continued at the dinner table. I ended up saying pointedly to DH "is your phone away? I don't want any phones at the table while we're eating!" DH looked bewildered because he didn't have his phone anywhere near him but they got the not so subtle hint and put their phones away. They came straight back out again as soon as the plates were cleared.

YANBU to think it's rude because it bloody well is when someone is on their phone constantly but YABU to say anything because you'll just make yourself look like a dick. The most you could do would be to say something like "tsk, are you on that phone again!? Here, have a drink to hold instead!" in a jolly voice.

And unplug the WiFi! I did that the following year wink

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