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To NOT let DS go to his school disco?

(37 Posts)
Wwydhere Tue 20-Dec-16 16:11:23

Its tonight. Rewards disco. He's 11.

He has said since getting the letter he does not want to go.

So it's his sisters birthday soon and she wants to go bowling. Tonight is half price bowling. She is off school and has been getting ready since 1pm for her bowling and pizza outing.

DS just came home and said he wants to go to school disco now.

Bowling is booked for 6pm. Disco is 5.30pm. We don't drive. We can't walk him to school, go bowling and be home to pick him up. He can't walk home alone in the dark.

And besides he made his choice and we made arrangements based on that.

AIBU to stick to the plans we have made now?!

SmilingButClueless Tue 20-Dec-16 16:16:08

YANBU. He said he didn't want to go and you have something else planned now. Plus there seems to be no way of actually getting him there unless you cancelled the bowling, which doesn't seem fair to his sister.

TheWitTank Tue 20-Dec-16 16:18:13

YANBU. If it is impossible to get him to the disco without disrupting the bowling trip, you go bowling.

BertrandRussell Tue 20-Dec-16 16:18:19

Is there a reason he can't walk home?

Sybys Tue 20-Dec-16 16:20:14

No chance of a friend's parent taking him?

But no, YANBU. He made his decision and should be old enough to appreciate that. It's not as if school discos are even a big deal.

NerrSnerr Tue 20-Dec-16 16:20:14

Could he walk or get a lift back with a friend?

Wwydhere Tue 20-Dec-16 16:20:17

Bert it's through a playing field and a cemetery.

He usually gets a lift to and from school from a friends mum. Friend isn't going to the disco so he would be walking alone in the dark which I'm just not comfortable with.

KnittedBlanketHoles Tue 20-Dec-16 16:24:26

Yanbu, no disco. Are you worried there'll be a strop?

Wwydhere Tue 20-Dec-16 16:29:00

Hes sulking, big time. But our whole family can't change birthday plans on his whim.

Reality16 Tue 20-Dec-16 16:29:43

I think he probably didn't think it would be all that but has now been drawn in to the excitement of his peers today. I would probably do my best to accommodate, I have often changed my mind last minute about doing things and I don't think it's a punishable offence. Can you take him and them get a taxi to bowling or something?

TheWitTank Tue 20-Dec-16 16:31:48

Let him sulk. He had the choice, he made it and has decided to change it just hours before the event. Tough I'm afraid. Anyway, pizza and bowling isn't a bad alternative! I would say he can cheer up and join in or sit on the side and sulk. His choice.

AChickenCalledKorma Tue 20-Dec-16 16:35:01

I would stick with your plans. Possibly with a small element of bribery (eg extra dessert!) if he snaps out of the sulking before reaching the bowling alley.

Eaglesandbeagles Tue 20-Dec-16 16:39:18

Yanbu. Remind him you made plans based on him saying he didn't want to go. Had he told you before the night of the actual event you would have been able to take him. He cannot go through life expecting to get what he wants when he hasn't made plans. If he can get a friends parent to take him and bring him home then fair enough but otherwise he'll have to come with you to your sisters birthday.

Eaglesandbeagles Tue 20-Dec-16 16:39:28

His sisters*

Bluntness100 Tue 20-Dec-16 16:41:50

He's not going to be able to go, it would be very unfair to cancel or delay his sisters birthday outing simply as he changed his mind.

dollydaydream114 Tue 20-Dec-16 16:44:33

He's 11, which I think is old enough to understand that he made a choice and now has to stick to it.

If there was any way of him getting a lift or something, great, but if there isn't I think he just has to learn the lesson that you don't get to change your mind about things at the last minute and expect everyone else's plans to change accordingly. Sit him down and explain that he has said several times that he didn't want to go, that it's his sister's birthday and that plans have been made, and point out that if it was his own birthday he would be furious if his birthday treat was cancelled due to a last-minute change of mind.

lovelearning Tue 20-Dec-16 16:44:41

Hes sulking


How would you feel if your birthday plans were spoiled by your sister throwing a strop?

lovelearning Tue 20-Dec-16 16:45:30


DixieWishbone Tue 20-Dec-16 16:46:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatsAndCocktails Tue 20-Dec-16 16:46:58

Could he get a taxi there and back if you aren't comfortable with him walking?

CatsAndCocktails Tue 20-Dec-16 16:47:27

But YANBU to say no and continue with his sister's birthday plans.

crumpetsforteaa Tue 20-Dec-16 16:49:00

Logistics or not of course he shouldn't be able to go!! He said he didn't want to and now you have plans. Tough if he's now changed his mind.

DeleteOrDecay Tue 20-Dec-16 16:51:11

YANBU, logistically you can't take him and get to bowling on time, he knew you had made alternative plans and it would be unfair on his sister to change them now. In real life it's not always possible to suddenly change your mind at the last minute.

harderandharder2breathe Tue 20-Dec-16 17:14:27


It would be nice if you could fit it in, but you can't because you made plans based on him saying he didn't want to go, so he can't go.

SecondaryQuandary Tue 20-Dec-16 17:24:10

That's life. He needs to suck it up, birthday trumps rewards disco. And what the others said too about changing his mind. He needs to learn he had to stick to his decisions.

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