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To hate that my mum writes a paragraph about me, gives personal details and sends to hundreds of people that she hasn't seen in years

(93 Posts)
jdoe8 Tue 20-Dec-16 13:27:35

She's told them all about a medical issue I had earlier in the year (that I haven't told many of my friends about) and she's said the company and job that I started this year and the name of the place I've moved to.

I'm really very private. AIBU to not like this at all? She never sends the text for me to approve.

I've only found out this year what she sent as I had a family member send me a card and comment on it.

I've repeatedly asked her to not be so personal but she never listens, one year she gave away a client name that I was on a secret project with and it could of lost me my job. She goes on about "it's a private letter to her friends" and imply s it's not my business. But I dont see it as a private letter as its something she prints the same to hundreds of people, many of whom the only contact each year is a card.

chickenowner Tue 20-Dec-16 13:33:36

Explain to her that you will have to stop telling her any details about your life if she keeps ignoring your wishes.

This would annoy and upset me too.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Tue 20-Dec-16 13:37:08

YANBU about the condition.

Unless you work for MI6, I think you're being a bit U about the job.

As for this:

I've repeatedly asked her to not be so personal but she never listens, one year she gave away a client name that I was on a secret project with and it could of lost me my job

How did she know the client name if it was a secret project? confused

BarbarianMum Tue 20-Dec-16 13:40:06

Well maybe don't tell her stuff you don't want her to pass on. Wtf are you telling her confidential work information for anyway? Sounds like neither of you had any filters.

FireSquirrel Tue 20-Dec-16 13:42:51

Good lord, of course you aren't being unreasonable, that's a complete violation of your privacy and unbelievably disrespectful, I would be mortified and very very annoyed. Given that you have already repeatedly asked her to stop and she doesn't appear to be listening, you need to seriously consider reducing contact, or at the very least not confide in her about anything remotely sensitive or confidential.

treaclesoda Tue 20-Dec-16 13:43:12

If you lost your job due to a breach of security, that breach would have started with you, not your mum confused

I'm on the fence about the medical stuff. I mostly think she shouldn't be putting it in a letter but context is everything. So I'd be furious at 'X had a difficult time in hospital recovering from surgery for an anal fistula' because that's private. Whereas 'X had a stroke despite being young and outwardly healthy. We are so delighted that she has made a full recovery' wouldn't be anywhere near the same level of breach of privacy.

treaclesoda Tue 20-Dec-16 13:44:43

I'd be amazed if my parents could tell anyone the name of the company I work for, much less the name of a client grin

jdoe8 Tue 20-Dec-16 13:46:05

It wasn't MI5 stuff. But it was confidential bid work that it is fine to tell close family members, but no one else. I did make this clear to her, but she didn't listen and also said some inaccurate things about it. Luckily nothing came of it, but it could of cost me a lot.

CockacidalManiac Tue 20-Dec-16 13:46:23

Round robin Xmas letters are the work of the devil.

QueenLizIII Tue 20-Dec-16 13:47:41

Every year I get a photo card from the parents of the kids i once babysat. They are now 28, 26 and 24.

its nothing short of pathetic and speaks voulmes about the parents.

one of the letters told me all about her son developing epilepsy and having seizures in uni lectures. she had no right telling anyone that.

i hear you on the health front.

but you deserve to lose your job if you told your mum a client name on a secret project. sounds like you boundary issues.

QueenLizIII Tue 20-Dec-16 13:47:56

*have boundary issues

PinkSwimGoggles Tue 20-Dec-16 13:48:27

this is why I don't tell my mother much.
her my parent's round robin makes janet and roy proud.

BarbarianMum Tue 20-Dec-16 13:50:03

Sorry but "confidential bid work that it's fine to tell your mum"? Really? hmm

Arfarfanarf Tue 20-Dec-16 13:50:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Tue 20-Dec-16 13:51:20

But it was confidential bid work that it is fine to tell close family members, but no one else.

I'm struggling with the notion that it's ok to tell close family about confidential work-related issues. confused

But just assuming that it is okay as a rule, it's not okay in your particular case because your mother has a mouth like the Mersey tunnel. And you know this.

Therefore you should treat all work related information, and anything to do with your personal circumstances, as "confidential". Unless you're happy with your mother broadcasting it.

GlobalTechIndustries Tue 20-Dec-16 13:52:33

Some times the best way to keep a secret is to use dummy situations to cover your secrets.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Tue 20-Dec-16 13:52:38

You shouldn't have told her the client stuff anyway - round Robins are the least of the problem these days when it comes to information dissemination. Even if she doesn't use the Internet it's not impossible she would tell a friend who would post it on a forum.

SapphireStrange Tue 20-Dec-16 13:52:40

YANBU. Just stop telling her things. If she complains, remind her of why you've had to do this.

And to pps – it's up to the OP if/what she wants to tell people about her job.

And those judging away about her telling her DM about the work project, the guidelines were that it was 'fine to tell close family members'. OK, the OP possibly misjudged how much of a blabbermouth her mum is, but there's nothing in principle wrong with telling a mother those details under those guidelines.

TheClacksAreDown Tue 20-Dec-16 13:53:20

Confidential bid work shouldn't be shared with family.

But generally yanbu. My mother used to try to do this so o ended up telling her little.

AmberEars Tue 20-Dec-16 13:53:59

YANBU. I would be really annoyed about this.

SapphireStrange Tue 20-Dec-16 13:55:23

PS For anyone not able to get their heads round the idea of it being OK to mention confidential work things to close family, I recently left a job having agreed a settlement. I am/was allowed to talk about the details to 'immediate family', but not others. If that helps anyone grasp this concept better.

MikeUniformMike Tue 20-Dec-16 13:55:49

I don't tell my DM much because it gets slightly modified and then broadcast making me look a twat. She lies about what I do for a living and where I live, "because it sounds better" or "well I don't know do I". She means well but we don't speak much any more.

MargaretCavendish Tue 20-Dec-16 13:57:57

OP, you do know that if she stops including any information or starts only being very vague about you in the letters then all the recipients will assume that you are now The Family Disgrace and in prison or similar? On the plus side, that's exactly the sort of gold that round robin readers are hoping for!

DJBaggySmalls Tue 20-Dec-16 13:58:30

YANBU, stop telling her stiff and when she complains tell her why.
Act like you signed an NDA and what you know is covered by the Data Protection Act.

DJBaggySmalls Tue 20-Dec-16 13:58:44

Stiff? Stuff.

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