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Sil, PITA. Always buys extravagant presents.

(9 Posts)
kissmethere Tue 20-Dec-16 09:56:07

I'll explain.
We have very different views on exchanging gifts. I always get the kids nice presents for Christmas/birthday but I live with in my means. Well I try! Money had been tight this year and has been the same for her at points.
Se called me this morning to has about what to get my youngest, who has a hobby which is at times expensive. She wants to buy him something related to this. I say it won't be cheap, she knows this, so please a voucher to contribute towards it. I get silence. Eldest will get money, she's older will definitely appreciate it for sales shopping.
Then she asks what do me and DH want? I say a bottle of something would be lovely for us to enjoy. Silence. She asks is there a particular range of clothing DH likes? Perfume or jewellery I'd like.
No not really. I say please concentrate on the kids as we do not expect to get gifts as we've all been in a tight jam at times this year it's not necessary even though it is Christmas.
The problem is she does this every year. Spends extravagantly and then tells anyone who'll listen how broke she is. Probably not her friends though as she very much likes to put up a facade that they want for nothing. I will be getting her and DB and token gift and the kids nice gifts as well. I have to stick to a budget but they are good gifts.
I know if I had the means I would splurge. Same with her I'm sure it's that she is a spending queen who buys crap they don't need, comments on what other people have, how do they afford it etc. I feel like she's trying to impress when there is no need. I'm so sick of it every year. I spoke to DB yesterday as well and I explained the proposed gifts were too much and he was shocked that she was contemplating spending so much.
I want to tell her to get real but I can't even imagine the fallout from that. I may have to it though. There is so much more to this with her attitude. WWYD?

kissmethere Tue 20-Dec-16 09:57:34

Sorry for typos

MrsDustyBusty Tue 20-Dec-16 10:00:09

I'd leave her alone and stop interfering.

MiladyThesaurus Tue 20-Dec-16 10:02:20

Let your DH explain the issue to her and do the presents for her and her family (I presume it's his sister). If it's his brother's wife then I suggest that both you and SIL step back and let them both sort out all the presents for their brother and family.

Then you don't need to worry about any if this at all.

Tobebythesea Tue 20-Dec-16 10:05:17


Stick to your plan and budget. It's so easy to go overboard at Christmas. Hopefully one day she will get the message.

kissmethere Tue 20-Dec-16 10:07:20

She's my DB's wife. He called me about something unrelated and it came up about the gifts.

MiladyThesaurus Tue 20-Dec-16 10:07:52

In which case, speak to your brother.

hazell42 Tue 20-Dec-16 15:51:56

You buy what you want. Let her do the same. You do not have to spend equal amounts of money. Learning to accept gifts gracefully is important. it allows the gift giver to feel good about themselves. Bitching that it is the wrong present, wrong colour, tat, too expensive, not expensive enough, not wrapped, or any of the million other things people complain about, does not make the gift giver feel good.
Smile, tell them its lovely, then hand over your own gift if you brought one. That's it

kissmethere Tue 20-Dec-16 16:25:47

I know I know but I get the feeling she expects us to match her. I think my frustration is she spends all year round and complains all year round about being skint. Tells everyone, in the family, how much everything is like she's the only one.
I always accept gifts graciously however she does not. She like to comment. She even complained to me one year about a scent my mum gave her. Inexpensive but mum had chosen carefully to give her something nice. I told her not to dare mention it to my mum. She didn't as art as I know.

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