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To ask if you tried to have The Talk with children the same sex as you

(50 Posts)
cherrycrumblecustard Tue 20-Dec-16 09:14:11

I know I phrased that badly. What I mean is, did you have your husbands speak to boys about sex and yourselves to daughters, or did you both do it? My parents told me NOTHING (and I do mean nothing, not even periods) so I don't know how to broach this.

MrsDustyBusty Tue 20-Dec-16 09:15:37

My mother did boys and girls. I think my father would be astonished to hear the s word said aloud.

MrsDustyBusty Tue 20-Dec-16 09:16:07

He may not even know it's A Thing.

SpeakNoWords Tue 20-Dec-16 09:16:41

How old are your children?

For me, the key is not to have a single big "talk", it's to talk to them openly about these things from being very small children. Answering their questions in an age appropriate way, then their knowledge will increase with their ability to understand.

cherrycrumblecustard Tue 20-Dec-16 09:18:02

Eldest is ten early next year. I have always tried to be honest but I do think I need to have a "proper" chat about puberty. It's kind of on the horizon.

icanteven Tue 20-Dec-16 09:19:45

I'm looking forward to all this tremendously. My dd's (5 and 7) asked amid giggles how babies got in my tummy/would get in theirs and I started saying that they had eggs in their ovaries (and tickled them in that general area) and that the baby grew from an egg, but before I got any further than that, they collapses in gales of laughter and ran off chanting EGGGGGSSSS!!!! EGGGSSSS!!! IN YOUR TUMMMYYYYY!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

So that was that, really.

I guess I'll try again when they're older.

Cornettoninja Tue 20-Dec-16 09:19:57

Mrsdusty that made me grin

megletthesecond Tue 20-Dec-16 09:20:41

Yes. But I'm a lp didn't have much choice.

I can't remember what my parents told me.

GreatFuckability Tue 20-Dec-16 09:22:08

I never had 'a talk' its just something that's been openly talked about with girls and boys here. But no I don't think you need to be the same sex to discuss it.

Arfarfanarf Tue 20-Dec-16 09:22:10

I talk to my sons about it all. I don't have daughters.
My mum didnt tell me what i needed to know and was so prudish about everything that i was determined to be open and matter of fact. Call a penis a penis, so to speak 😁

I answered questions age appropriately. I bought them books about bodies. Discussed bodies with them - male and female.

I decided early on that just as i wouldnt make a big deal out of it if they asked me about stars or why grass is green, i wouldnt make a big deal out of it if they asked me about bodies or where babies come from.

I have had a few rabbit in the headlights moments 😂 but try to be very matter of fact about it.

You just have to do the best you can.

Of course, now they're 16 & 17 they'd rather stick forks in their eyes than discuss sex and bodies with me 😂😂

Get some good books
That's a good start. There are some fab ones about.

SittingDrinkingTea Tue 20-Dec-16 09:23:58

I don't know if it's still on iPlayer but CBBC's Operation Ouch did an excellent puberty special, worth a watch with your child if you can track it down.

Mrsemcgregor Tue 20-Dec-16 09:24:45

I told my 7 year old DS the very basics a few weeks ago. But that was because he asked and I was caught on the hop!

cherrycrumblecustard Tue 20-Dec-16 09:27:29

Thanks, Sitting I will have a look. It's hard as I don't want to make a bigger deal of it than it is but at the same time I don't want to be like my parents and have me know nothing!

Catsize Tue 20-Dec-16 09:27:48

I haven't made it a 'thing'. My 2 year old and four year old know how babies are made and about periods. Hopefully that will make it less shock later on, as they just accept it at the moment. Although my son is particularly taken with the concept of having his 'seeds'.

AllTheBabies Tue 20-Dec-16 09:28:27

My dd is 6 and had had information from me, her dad and her step dad. I had my dd2 this year and am pregnant with another so obviously she has had a lot of questions! She's too young for the embarrassment factor to have kicked in yet though. To her is just talking about another bodily function.

cherrycrumblecustard Tue 20-Dec-16 09:28:38

Gosh, how did you get a 2 year old to understand?

pklme Tue 20-Dec-16 09:28:49

If it's a DD, a lovely way in is with a pretty gift basket of suitable sanpro, chocolate, bubble bath, book about girls, etc. Things to make the first period something to look forward to, rather than worry about. Let them wait and learn about the horror later.

We had a book by babbette Cole called Mummy Laid an Egg which was fantastic. It's a picture book, and ten may be a bit late for it, but it could be read by DC to a younger sibling for example.

I think both parents need to talk about it, as each have different experiences.

Catsize Tue 20-Dec-16 09:29:03

Should say OP, my mum bought me a book about periods when I was about 11 and it was much easier to digest that than to ask my mum questions. Might be an idea for boys and girls to have books about stuff like this.

cherrycrumblecustard Tue 20-Dec-16 09:30:44

That's a nice idea pk, I'll remember that for when the DDs are 'period age' smile

JingleBellCock Tue 20-Dec-16 09:32:37

I am the one who has mostly talked to both my DS and DD about puberty and sex. I've always just been quite open in what I hope is an age appropriate way.

DH is pretty chilled about these things and would just wait to be asked questions by the kids (which he would happily answer), but I have been a bit more proactive. For example, girls in my family tad to start their periods early, so I wanted DD to understand periods and know how to take care of herself when she starts way before she starts, iyswim. Also, DS has ASC and so I really wanted him to understand puberty so he wouldn't ind it frightening when it started happening (which has been pretty early, too).

CorporalNobbyNobbs Tue 20-Dec-16 09:35:48

No one ever told me. I learned it all from an episode of the Open University to show and my sister's Just 17 magazines helpful

smEGGnogg Tue 20-Dec-16 09:36:00

We've been explaining for years, like a running commentary, no big talk. My eldest is nearly 10. Since about the age of 3 he started asking questions and I just always answered matter of factly in a way he could understand. He was followed by 4 daughters and they've had and will have the same treatment (the baby is only 1 currently) Don't make a big deal of it, just tell the truth. They don't need intimate details but it's no good giving them the fluffy explanation and then years later having to undo what you've done and begin again.
Sometimes they have questions, one or both of us will explain depending on who they catch at the time. We had a car journey not too long ago talking about forceps delivery because something had been mentioned at school and my son had questions. I enjoy talking about the process of life with them.

Araminta99 Tue 20-Dec-16 09:37:02

Remember that girls are getting their periods younger and younger, some at 8 or 9 so it's best to have that talk asap just in case. They may take after your partner's female relatives in that regard, even if you started your period later.

It would be a terrible shock for them if they didn't have a clue why they're bleeding.

My mum started her period at 14, I was 12 but my cousin started at 9. My mum told me at around 8/9 just in case.

SleepFreeZone Tue 20-Dec-16 09:41:46

I'm talking to my 4 year old about things as they arise. My periods, how babies get in tummies etc. My dad is horrified but actually they did a piss poor job telling me anything at all growing up and as a result I was bullied as I didn't know what sex was. So couldn't care less about what my parents think and I've decided to just talk about everything and normalise it all (obviously in age appropriate terms).

There are some great books out there re. puberty so in your position i would talk about it and also leave your daughter with a book to look at in her own time. Then you can answer any questions she may have. She probably knows more than you think!

madgingermunchkin Tue 20-Dec-16 09:43:31

Please don't leave anything until "period age". I started my periods at ten. I was still in primary school. But my mother hadn't told me anything. We never did have any kind of discussion about it.

The younger you start, the less of a big deal it is, the more accepting of it children are. Buy a couple of good books now, let them digest in their own time and come to you with questions.

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