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AIBU to be struggling getting rid of a friend

(14 Posts)
Imknackeredzzz Mon 19-Dec-16 22:51:04

Just that really, my best friend I've known for over 20 years has pushed me to my limits today- and frankly I don't think I can take anymore.

Having said that I love her to death all the same, but feel I really need to cut her out of my life. I'm in tears because of it- but I need to do it for my sanity. I've done so so much for her it's untrue.

Don't know why im posting really, just feel like I need a hug

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 19-Dec-16 22:53:52

Here's your hug <hug>. Do you want to tell us what has happened, or do you just not your virtual hug?

PurpleDaisies Mon 19-Dec-16 22:54:23

What's she done? Is this a one off or has this been building for a while?

PurpleDaisies Mon 19-Dec-16 22:54:38

Forgot, flowers

Imknackeredzzz Mon 19-Dec-16 22:57:56

Thanks, she's just hard work. And I can be too at times I guess. But over the last year I've lent her money to go on holiday, listened to her problems
Till 1-2am at night even though I have a baby who wakes at 5- made her dinners- run after her - even got her psychiatric help when she needed it early part of last year

I give so much of myself and it's dawning on me I get very very little back- and when I do annoy her or get arsey she makes me feel so guilty- even though I've done so much for her and done it happily.

It's making me too sad now

PamplemousseRouge Tue 20-Dec-16 00:45:07

flowers

KellyBoo800 Tue 20-Dec-16 07:27:25

I had a very similar situation a few years back although it was with two friends who had become very close to each other through me. Their unpleasantness happened so gradually it was hard to notice at first, but got to the stage where they made me feel like complete shit when I had to cancel plans due to a death in the family. I didn't speak to them for a few weeks after this, and then one of them made a bitchy comment on Facebook that was clearly aimed at me so I thought "fuck them". Blocked them both from my phone and all social media and never looked back.

One of them had been my friend since we were toddlers. I have no regrets. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I know through other friends that the two of them are still best friends and like to bitch about me a lot and how 'toxic' I am for doing this to them, but I really don't care. I'm happy without them.

I really think this is something you need to do OP.

Imknackeredzzz Tue 20-Dec-16 11:52:24

Thanks Kelly, however the worry about being without her is making me very anxious, even though I know this is something I need to do.

God I feel pathetic

KellyBoo800 Tue 20-Dec-16 12:28:29

Please don't feel pathetic. It's a very big decision to make and one that if often a long time coming.

Do you otherwise have a strong support network? Or do you feel that she is perhaps all you have in terms of strong friendships?

AlpacaPicnic Tue 20-Dec-16 12:34:22

Would it help to not think about it in terms of 'forever' but in terms of 'for now, until things change'?

I know what it's like to be the giver in a friendship and to dump the taker. We didn't talk for three years, then we got onto the nod-and-smile stage and now four years later we can have a general chit-chat but nothing too much, or too intense. I'll never be as close to them as I once was because the trust has gone but our situations have both changed and its ok. Things feel different.

rabbit12345 Tue 20-Dec-16 13:00:48

OP my "very close" sister and I went NC in the Summer.

I can't even begin to tell you how sad I have been about it but her actions since confirm that I have made the correct decision to walk away and stop seeking resolution.

Do not be afraid to miss her. You can miss someone without wanting them back in your life. Some days are easier than others but when you have known someone that long, you really do enter a grief process. At the same time it can be strangely liberating to realise that you can walk away if you need to take the space and re-set your boundaries.

I was upsetting myself for a long time, bringing up old scars and memories so that I could justify to myself that I was right for keeping her out of my life. Once I acknowledged that I simply missed her, things got easier. Like Alpaca says I prefer to think of it in terms of "maybe one day we will resolve this but not right now"

pklme Tue 20-Dec-16 14:07:36

Have a month off to recharge yourself. Focus on you and your family, on getting enough sleep etc. Then decide if you want to get back in touch.

Dragonfly3 Tue 20-Dec-16 14:15:29

I had a similar situation with a very needy, controlling best friend. In the end she walked away from me, was nasty and bitchy about me to anyone who would listen and I was very hurt. We had been best friends since primary school and saw each other every day, she was like a part of my family. We recently got back in touch via another school friend but I have no desire to reform our friendship as I have been so much happier in the years since we 'split up'. It's ok and normal to miss people even when they're not good for you, but you'll find other people to be with who won't take so much out of you and will help and support you in your life. Just take it slowly.

Imknackeredzzz Tue 20-Dec-16 19:05:33

Thank u all for the supportive messages, I think I need to think about it one day at a time as you say and maybe not think about forever right now.

I love her to death but she is having a negative impact on my life and I need to keep well mentally for the sake of my little boy and my husband.

She has defiantly been the taker in our friendship - and me the giver. But u only have so much to give to anyone.

I'm not perfect I make mistakes too - and might unintentionally annoy her at times, but when I think about how much I've done for her and how little I've actually received back it makes me
think

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