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To just not effing bother...

(23 Posts)
Playdoughinthecarpet Mon 19-Dec-16 22:39:36

Dd 5, has been enjoying ballet for 18 months, done a show, 2 lots of exams and has learned so much. She picks up the steps quickly and has nice friends at the class.
She has been going to swimming lessons and has always loved swimming. She spent every day in the pool on holiday and we swim fairly regularly.
In the last month she makes every excuse not to do either. Have tears, pretends to be I'll, sore throat, sore lip, tummy ache, funny taste in mouth, the list is endless.
I have spent £14 in the last 2 weeks to sit as the side with Dd and watch the other kids.
Do I just stop taking her or AIBU to keep dragging her along. Don't drive and have ds to look after, the nights are cold/dark and it would be easy to quit but she is good at dance and has to swim. So frustrated Wwyd???

PlayOnWurtz Mon 19-Dec-16 22:40:54

Ask her what's up. Ask her if she wants to take a break and then if she does take a few weeks out or half a term off. Nothing is lost by having time out at this age.

LindyHemming Mon 19-Dec-16 22:41:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pettywoman Mon 19-Dec-16 22:41:24

I've always insisted on swimming but everything else is optional.

Arfarfanarf Mon 19-Dec-16 22:44:12

I would ask her if she wants to quit.

These things are supposed to be fun. If you arent having fun why carry on?

There are many things that you reallydont have a cchoice about but hobbies and activities are supposed to be your time to enjoy yourself.

If you're being forced to do them because it's supposedly teaching you some bullshit lesson about stamina and commitment then it's totally failing to understand the point of hobbies.

Whatsername17 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:44:18

My dd is the same age and is knackered after a long term. Id give her a break then take her back after Christmas. If she is the same after Christmas I think she needs some tough love. My dd hasn't been swimming for the last two weeks as she had her nativity that clashed with one lesson and rock climbing the following week. The break has done her good tbh.

BusyBeez99 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:48:04

We tried swim lessons from age 2-5. Gave up. Went on holiday with a 5 year old wearing arm bands. Then DS school did lessons from year 2. DS swam within two weeks.

Playdoughinthecarpet Mon 19-Dec-16 22:48:36

Thought a month off for the ballet would be an idea but have paid loads for swimming.
Since starting school she's lost interest, tiredness maybe? She has talked about being nervous doing the school nativity and says she doesn't need swimming lessons cos she can swim (with armbands)

BusyBeez99 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:50:29

Starting school is tiring. Perhaps a break would do her good. Then pick it up later. This is why we limited DS activities until year 2

Playdoughinthecarpet Mon 19-Dec-16 22:52:01

She has been diagnosed with abdominal migraine, think she has started worrying about things.

BusyBeez99 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:54:06

Poor thing. Do the classes stop for Christmas? Perhaps after a break, if they do stop, she will be a bit rested. Good luck.

Playdoughinthecarpet Mon 19-Dec-16 22:57:26

It's a good idea Busybees, will do that with ds. Dd will decide whether she goes back ultimately, I just really want her to as she is good. Omg, just realised I am really tying to be controlling, blush

Playdoughinthecarpet Mon 19-Dec-16 22:59:17

No, both classes are every week.

Playdoughinthecarpet Mon 19-Dec-16 23:07:25

Glad I posted this. Yes, hobbies should be fun and preferably not end with angry 'i love you's' at bedtime and if all else fails, school do swimming lessons in a few years.
Thank you all flowers

Playdoughinthecarpet Mon 19-Dec-16 23:09:41

Sorry, only just found the reply button 😁

Footle Tue 20-Dec-16 07:33:40

Playdough, it's brilliant when someone starts off clearly being unreasonable to their child and then takes the replies on board ! She's not very old and school , especially in winter , is a massive daily effort.

junebirthdaygirl Tue 20-Dec-16 16:33:42

Are you sure she doesn't have inflamed tonsils. It causes pains Inn the stomach. My ds always had tummy pains. Doctor wrote it off as schoolitius. New doctor arrived said he had horrible tonsils and no wonder he had a pain.

BdumBdummer Tue 20-Dec-16 16:52:41

Sounds like mine. Abdominal migraine has been an issue for us too. As far as swimming is concerned we paused it until she was ready. She's Y5 now and definitely not as strong a swimmer as others but just earned her 50m badge (yay!).
Ignore others' timetables and follow your own.

lljkk Tue 20-Dec-16 17:56:58

hmmm.... this may be irrelevant, but fwiw

When I was 5yo, I was desperate to do ballet. When I started ballet, other girls sneered & belittled me. So I refused to go back. But I couldn't tell my mom about that, I was ashamed. I was very sad to give up ballet.

Since OP's DD has previously loved swimming... something is bothering her. Something she can't talk about. I'd want to get to the bottom of it.

TeenAndTween Tue 20-Dec-16 18:32:29

If she has just started reception I agree she's probably exhausted.

DD2 has started secondary and she's exhausted, and only does 1 after school activity (swimming) per week. She moans about going but likes it when there.

When she's rested over Christmas have a chat, see what she says about having a break /stopping / continuing. But if she says continue she has to participate for as along as you have to pay in advance for (eg 1 term).

Agree though that swimming maybe should be just having a break until the summer as learning to swim is imo an essential life skill.

BdumBdummer Tue 20-Dec-16 18:57:23

Our dd was more motivated to learn to swim when she went in Y4. Each Sunday before, I would take her myself just to make her more familiar with the venue and to try out some of the challenges. She overreached herself and was put in a higher group. It made her very unhappy and the tummy thing started again. So I asked her to be put in a lower group and she flourished. By the summer she was much more confident.
I know that swimming is an essential life skill. I have MS and it's the only sport I am good at. I wanted us to enjoy it together. While I would have loved her to be a strong swimmer just out of nappies, that wasn't going to happen. Forcing her to go to endless lessons just made her hate it. I took a step back, waited for her to get the motivation of school lessons, bought her more sporty costume and it has worked a treat. If it had failed I would have tried something else. Swimming is vital. Hating to swim is avoidable.

Playdoughinthecarpet Tue 20-Dec-16 22:01:18

Dds schoolfriend started in swimming class last week. They are best friends but can clash, could be the issue? Am not going to mention ballet/school/ swimming until before the next lesson, have a chat then. Dd asked if she was going to ballet today, I asked her if she wanted to and she said no so we went to a soft play for a change. We all had fun 😀

Playdoughinthecarpet Tue 20-Dec-16 22:09:56

Bdum, I don't want her to hate swimming lessons as she has always loved the pool. She spends ages in the bath pretending to be a mermaid!
Great idea to take her on a Sunday, will remind her how much she enjoys it wink

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