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DH told me he rates his mother's opinions more than mine

(102 Posts)
theclick Mon 19-Dec-16 22:21:48

During an argument. It was mostly over the fact that she keeps meddling in things eg our new house, basic decisions that should be all mine but she keeps sidling up to him and whispering in his ear, ltelling him what her preferences are (carpets, kettles, etc etc) when I've already told her what I've chosen.

We argued a lot as I have a general issue with how she always does this (and how he actively seeks her opinion).

Him saying this is a big deal for me and I don't think I can see a way back from it. It's annoyed me to the extent I've put him in the spare room.

What would you do?

DailyFail1 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:24:06

Someone who constantly sides with his mum over his wife isn't a capable husband in my book. Leave him.

UnmentionedElephantDildo Mon 19-Dec-16 22:24:31

Why are the household decisions all yours?

Sounds a bit of a crap imbalance tbh.

theclick Mon 19-Dec-16 22:24:36

Should add that im hormonal and just want to scream anyway which hasn't helped.

theclick Mon 19-Dec-16 22:26:05

They're not, but we are meant to be making them together and instead of doing just that, he always asks her opinion too (her taste is shit) and if I say no to something to her, she just goes and asks him what he thinks (like a child who has had mum say no so she asks Dad).

Justmuddlingalong Mon 19-Dec-16 22:26:25

flowers Your relationship will never work. Don't waste any more time swimming against the tide. It's exhausting and you never get anywhere.

nickelbabeinamanger Mon 19-Dec-16 22:26:32

YANBU.
He needs to man up and accept that you're his wife, and his mum is not.

If it helps, my sister is divorcing her husband mainly because he won't leave his mum's apron pocket

MrsDustyBusty Mon 19-Dec-16 22:27:05

If he's asking for her opinion, you can't blame her for giving it.

Ultimately, I'm sure once you tire of it, they'll be very happy together.

Oysterbabe Mon 19-Dec-16 22:27:31

I was with a mummy's boy for a while and it was fucking awful. You need to tell him to grow up or get out.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Mon 19-Dec-16 22:27:42

Him saying this is a big deal, is this how he plans to live the rest of his life with you? Basically living with him mum still but using you?

Love51 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:28:14

Ask him if his mum thinks it was a good idea that he said that out loud?

Cookingongas Mon 19-Dec-16 22:28:59

Ultimately, I'm sure once you tire of it, they'll be very happy together.

^

In spades.

ivykaty44 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:29:08

So rather than have his own opinion he relies on his mother's opinion...?

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Mon 19-Dec-16 22:29:42

I'd honestly leave him and I rarely say that.

PickAChew Mon 19-Dec-16 22:30:24

Tell him to fuck off back home, then.

mummypeepee Mon 19-Dec-16 22:30:33

My DH's response was why has he tried to talk himself out of DTD for
The next 10 years 😂

napmeistergeneral Mon 19-Dec-16 22:30:38

YABU for saying you're "hormonal". This sort of language simply encourages women to dismiss their anger as hysterical or uncontrollable or somehow not legitimate. You're legitimately pissed off because of what your DH said. A grown man cares more about what mummy thinks than his life partner? Insulting to you, insulting to your partnership.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Mon 19-Dec-16 22:31:13

YY Nap.

Bluntness100 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:31:44

>> basic decisions that should be all mine<<

Well that's unreasonable, but I do agree in general it should be him and you making the decision, not him you and his mum. That's just weird. I can't even imagine a scenario where my husband would have asked his mothers opinion and they had a great relationship. It's very bizzare he'd ask about things like carpets and kettles.

Sorry I couldn't live with such a mummy's boy. He needs to man up and understand he's in a mature relationship where the two of you make decisions together and his mother isn't part of that.

SexTrainGlue Mon 19-Dec-16 22:32:18

In deciding his opinion he can consult whoever he likes.

So him asking for advice really shouldn't be an issue.

Her sulking when you tell her to her face that you don't like her taste may or may not be reasonable - depending on how you tell her. You sound a bit blunt on this thread. Are you terse with her too?

TrojanWhore Mon 19-Dec-16 22:34:24

"basic decisions that should be all mine"

This is bollocks

"Should add that im hormonal"

This isn't a get out of jail free card.

Bluntness100 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:34:32

>>YABU for saying you're "hormonal"<<

This. It's really not ok. It perpetuates a nasty myth about women. That we can't control ourselves as we get " hormonal". You don't hear men dismissing their anger this way, don't perpetuate it about women.

SheldonCRules Mon 19-Dec-16 22:36:22

Why are all the decisions yours? They are clearly not joint as you say "all mine".

I don't get why adults are not allowed to seek opinions, be close to etc their parent the moment they get a partner. A parent should always be more important than a spouse.

SailingThroughTime Mon 19-Dec-16 22:40:00

'I've put him in the spare room.'
Hmmm.

napmeistergeneral Mon 19-Dec-16 22:41:35

She says DH so I assume they've know each other longer than moments, Sheldon. You don't have to rank your nearest and dearest but if you decided to get married and become a new family unit, that family unit will only function healthily if the two founding members respect each other above all others in matters pertaining to that family unit. Its perfectly possible to cherish their parents while being in an independent partnership and family unit. One does not preclude the other.

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