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Dp asking for expensive present. Should I get it

(82 Posts)
flopseyR72 Mon 19-Dec-16 15:56:10

My DP wants a £500 pound camera for Christmas. This is more than I would want to spend. However, I do earn good money. But I have a lot of expenses and to be honest saving for house and have DD in nursery. He does buy me presents but feel it is too much. He spends a lot during the year. I was hoping to spend near £250 max. Am I being mean? It's making me anxious. He always calls me tight with money but I think I am careful and he is the opposite spend happy type.

RedGrapeCornSnake Mon 19-Dec-16 15:59:09

Cheeky bugger calls you tight and demands a £500 present?
What's he buying you?
£250 sounds more than generous to me

YelloDraw Mon 19-Dec-16 16:00:39

£50 or £500 - if you don't have it/don't want to spend it that is your business.

Don't like that he calls you tight.

Get him a £250 voucher for a place where he can buy the camera (in the Jan sales!)

scoobydooagain Mon 19-Dec-16 16:00:44

If you can afford it would it not be better to spend £500 on something he wants and will use rather than £250 on something he does not want? If £500 is too much, can you give him money toward the camera?

flopseyR72 Mon 19-Dec-16 16:01:39

I don't ask. He has often bought me jewellery but to be honest I would rather we just got each other something nice but not expensive. I don't believe in buying loads of expensive stuff when we have other priorities. He is just the type that spends everything he has.

flopseyR72 Mon 19-Dec-16 16:03:09

I would never ask him to buy me something expensive he just goes and does it which makes me feel awkward

flopseyR72 Mon 19-Dec-16 16:04:34

does anyone else have a partner that asks for expensive stuff for Christmas/birthdays. Is this normal?
Technically I can afford it. But prefer to save or spend money on house/dd.

HeddaGabbler Mon 19-Dec-16 16:04:36

Why don't you agree a set limit to spend? That's what me and my husband always did & it always worked well.

dArtagnansCrumpet Mon 19-Dec-16 16:05:59

Cheeky twat! I'd say your deposit and DDs nursery fees come first. There's nowt wrong with being sensible at all. Even if i had the money there's no way I'd buy dh a present for 500 that's beyond excessive and to me it would really put me off them.

dArtagnansCrumpet Mon 19-Dec-16 16:08:07

And dh never tells me to buy him anything. I will do but money is tight and other things are a priority as they should be!

Ahickiefromkinickie Mon 19-Dec-16 16:09:12

Not normal, imo. Sounds very grabby. Have you told him that him buying you expensive presents make you feel awkward? If you have told him and he persists, then it's his own fault and you shouldn't feel obliged to reciprocate with more than you want to.

Do you live together?

KinkyAfro Mon 19-Dec-16 16:09:13

My DP would never ask me for an expensive present but before I had a word, he'd spend loads and I felt uncomfortable having not spent as much. Our first Christmas together, after 8 months of dating, he spent around £800 and I spent £50! I told him that there's no need to buy such expensive gifts and we now compromise on putting away what we'd spend on birthdays/Christmas and using it towards weekends away/holidays.

I think you DP is very rude to ask for that much, just tell him you're not comfortable spending that amount and you most definitely don't expect that much from him

GoofyTheHero Mon 19-Dec-16 16:09:49

Cheeky git.
My DH tells me not to buy him anything. I do, of course, but we don't spend much on each other as, although money isn't tight, we'd rather save it for holidays etc.

mowglik Mon 19-Dec-16 16:12:37

My dp doesn't ask for expensive presents but I do get him stuff I know he wants which is generally expensive. It's nice to splash out sometimes on your dp as opposed to bills etc if you can afford it. Esp if it's important to them.

Failing that why don't you do a joint bday/Xmas
present and get him a token present on his bday. If he really wants the camera I wouldn't be able to say no (if I could afford it), it'll make his day I'm sure.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Mon 19-Dec-16 16:14:19

That's very cheeky of him to say that to you.
He sounds shit with money. And very selfish.
My ex was like that, and it was the main reason I dumped his ass in the end.

MoreThanUs Mon 19-Dec-16 16:15:28

I'd but him the camera this year as you can afford it. Then in September I would agree a max amount of money towards eating out / weekend away (to benefit you both) for next year.

mowglik Mon 19-Dec-16 16:15:35

Not sure why pps are calling him a cheeky twat if OP is saying he spend a lot on her through the year, OP is it comparable/more? How much will he spend on your Xmas gift?

dingdongthewitchishere Mon 19-Dec-16 16:15:44

My husband and I have join bank accounts, so both our income are family money. If we could afford it, I would happily buy it, but it's "our" money, it's a bit different.

Otherwise, I don't really expect anyone to "tell me" what gift to buy them and they wouldn't even know if I can afford it or not.

BarbaraofSeville Mon 19-Dec-16 16:16:01

You need to agree how you share your money before buying a house together, because financially you sound incompatible.

Adults with their own money don't need expensive Christmas presents, especially when you have quite different opinions on what to spend. There is also the risk of you asking for a load of things off him that you don't actually want to make the amount spent equal.

You would be better off only exchanging token presents and then buy yourselves what you want and need like £500 cameras out of your own spending money.

What does dressing up the camera as a Christmas present actually achieve? Presumably he will want to choose a specific model? So you input will be simply giving him the money?

SaucyJack Mon 19-Dec-16 16:17:04

Do you live together?

I don't think it's a big deal to splurge family money at Christmas- provided you can afford it and you both get something "big" out of it.

If you don't live together, then it's a bit grabby TBH to ask someone for such a big ticket item.

Sweets101 Mon 19-Dec-16 16:17:46

If he would happily spend all his money on you i don't think he's being cheeky just has different ideas to you on spending money on partners.
If you have the money I don't think it would hurt once in a while to meet his wishes rather than always prioritising DD/what you'd rather spend your money on.
I think that's what partners do, compromise and do nice things for each other where they can.

Bluntness100 Mon 19-Dec-16 16:17:46

Ok, but you admit he is buying you expensive gifts in return? You feel awkward you say as he spends so much on you , but do you tell him not to and ensure he returns them or just accept this gifts.

This does not appear to be he wants an expensive gift and buys you something cheap in return, but more this is how he spends.

I think it's unreasonable to accept expensive gifts from him but not want to reciprocate, sorry,

Upanddownroundandround Mon 19-Dec-16 16:19:37

It's a bit late in the day now but could you talk to his family and share the cost with siblings, parents, etc and all contribute to get him the gift he wants rather than a few people buying things he doesn't want as much.

Don't feel pressured in to overspending though.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 19-Dec-16 16:22:52

I don't even spend £ 500 on the whole of Christmas, and. I like to think Im not tight.
If Hes so spend happy . Why can't he spend his own money. As appose to yours. Hes not soft is he. Loves scattering cash around. Provided its not his own. Hes certainly as cute as a basket of kittens. I'll say that for him.

diddl Mon 19-Dec-16 16:30:21

I probably wouldn't buy someone a £500 camera even if I could afford it tbh.

Christmas has never been about big presents/gestures for me.

When you say that he buys you presents-do you mean Christmas bday or randomly throughout the year?

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