To be dreading MIL's military take-over

[TackyChrismasJumper]

A few months ago DH and I decided to organise a casual BBQ for family and friends. Idea was that we'd just buy a load of meat and drinks in, BBQ in the garden with a bit of music etc.

DH then told me MIL was coming to 'help'. Help with what, I asked ...

Well she turned up in the morning with a shit load of plates, dishes, beakers etc etc. She then sent DH to shop with a shopping list of stuff she 'needed' (we'd already bought what we thought we needed).

He arrived back home with party sausage rolls, crisps, m&ms, salads, potatoes, garlic bread etc etc ... I thought it was getting a bit excessive - MIL then decided he needed to go BACK to shop for more meat and more potatoes and more everything basically. By the end of it DH had been backwards and forwards to shop 3 times, mil had used 3 whole bags of potatoes and DH had cooked 3 huge packs of chicken, 3 packs of burgers, 6 packs of breadcakes, pork chops and basically enough to feed the Chinese army. It was ridiculous. I knew it was too much but nobody would listen to me. We had around 15 people there. After the BBQ we had to throw half of the food away untouched as there was too much to even store in the fridge. I was furious. On top of this MIL insisted on barking orders at me all day whilst running around washing doors and skirting boards and making 'jokes' about me being useless. It was a massive stress.

Now DH has decided to have a party on Boxing Day for his dons 21st. Very similar set up to last year with more or less same people invited. DH has said "my mum will want to come and help".

I'm fucking dreading it. I very nearly lost my shit last time. This time I'm working until 5pm so will be coming home from a days work just as preparations are in full swing and I can NOT be doing with being ordered around and ridiculous amounts of food and money being wasted by DH running backwards and forwards to shop on her orders.

He won't have a word said against her and says it's me being ungrateful and unreasonable. AIBU to tell him to keep a check on her this time as I was so close to blowing my top last time??? It won't go down well

[whyohwhy000]

[SouthPole]

it would be a shame if you had to work late, 'til say - 7pm?

[GravyAndShite]

You both have different values. I'd be tempted to be the 'useless' caricature she's painting you as. Pop your feet up and practice this phrase,"You are so efficient. So nice to get a break. Thank you for using my kitchen so well."

Try to mean it too.

[Gooseygoosey12345]

Quite frankly just say no.
I'd give him an option. I would say to him "look, too many cooks spoil the broth so either one of us can do it but we can't both so if you'd like your DM to do it I shall make myself scarce" and then go and have wines in the bedroom

[carrotcakecupcake]

Can you just back out of doing anything and let her run the show? Sounds like that's what she wants so may as well let her get on with it? You might have to put up with some PA comments, but you can do so while enjoying the party she's throwing?

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Go out for a nice meal and come back just in time for the party to start.

Blame work for the delay.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

And you'll get your skirting boards cleaned, so that's a bonus.

[GravyAndShite]

Oh! oh! Pre-emptive: leave out the pledge and a cloth for the skirting boards in case she wants to get started there before you get home.

[roundtable]

I'd love to hear the mil's side to this...

[TalkingofMichaelAngel0]

Come home at the start tome kf the party, explaining how you had to work late. Pour glass of wine and relax

[rollonthesummer]

Did he enjoy the day of the BBQ where he was sent to the shop 3 times? Did he think that throwing fuck loads of food away was a waste?!

I presume when he said 'my mother will want to help', you said-'I don't bloody think so!!'?????

I would be throwing a strop round about now-it's your house.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Fuck it, leave her a full list of what you'd like done.

[GravyAndShite]

Oh oh! Arrive home with a family feast from KFC in case there isn't enough food?

[GravyAndShite]

Last one! maybe

Leave ingredients and recipe for a specific dish you want prepared. Have a portion and seek her out to comment on how she did it very well for a first attempt...?

[HumpMeBogart]

Then tell DH and his mum they can organise it all between them. Come home an hour or two later and join in the party. Don't obey any orders!

[Patriciathestripper1]

Let her and Dh get on with it

[jayisforjessica]

To those saying "just let MIL have at it", remind me how many MIL-from-Hell threads we've had on this site, and how many of them contain the advice that the OP should just put her foot down and say no?

Put your foot down and say no, OP! Saying yes - or saying nothing - is tantamount to accepting her controlling behavior, and if I've learned nothing else from this site I've learned that once you give controlling people like your MIL an inch, they will take a whole mile. Then you'll be back here with another thread about something much worse that she's done/has railroaded you into doing (and it will likely involve your DC, if you have any). Stand up for yourself now to save even more hassle down the road.

[Butterymuffin]

'Darling, that's a great plan as my friends asked if I was interested in a big night out and staying over in a hotel on Boxing Day night! Of course I'd said I was busy but this changes everything!'

[RB68]

I had one like this - I ended up giving her a specific list of everything but the food - and made sure if she started on food then I asked where she was up to on her list and could she vacate the kitchen as I was on a schedule... Remember you are the general and should be directing troops - send hubby out so she has no one to send off to the shop

[dailyshite]

I feel your pain. DM is just like this and then tells everyone that I'm really stressed by cooking for people when actually she stands close enough to me that our shoulders are touching and rearranges all of the stuff I'm cooking

Have decided to do a cold buffet the night before secure the cat in another room so that she's completely flummoxed when she gets here and then just get pissed.

[Benedikte2]

Suggest to DH that MIL and he host the party in her home.
You can turn up when the food is ready.
Otherwise I'd work late (at the pub) with a friend and arrive back late with the friend for moral support.
Without any support from DH you are unlikely to get MIL to co-operate with your suggestions and you are fighting a losing battle OP
Good luck

[57968sp]

I would let her have total control, sit back and enjoy the show. She is such a great organiser and your husband clearly agrees so leave them to it.
Putting your foot down just causes stress. Practice being laid back and smile. Bet it totally pisses her off.

[MrsMcMoo]

Mine's like this. I feel your pain. Cant stand overbearing people.

[ImtheChristmasCarcass]

Two words: WORK LATE.

Or at least say you are. Honestly, I wouldn't show up until I thought everything was 90% done.

[Naicehamshop]

Say no and mean it!! Otherwise she will waste a ton of food again and ruin the occasion for you, your dh (even if he won't admit it) and his son. It's your house - do NOT stand for this shit.