AIBU ex partner(6 Posts)
So this may be a bit long winded but I wanted to get everything written down for a full perspective.
So... Been split up with exp for 4 and a half years. Now happily married with DH.
I have dd1 with exh who is now 8.Me and exh have a pretty good relationship but only talk in regards to DD.
In the last 12 months he has had quite a few relationships.
1- Was a woman from Australia who was working in his hometown who had 5 children that she had left in Australia whilst she worked over here because the money was better in her field. Understandable. But she hadn't been back to see them in 18 months. The youngest was 2. I was a bit wary when he told me as I couldn't imagine leaving my children and not seeing them for that length of time, so I said I was happy for him and as long as he liked her and it was a relationship and not a fling then obviously it was down to him if he wanted to introduce DD to her but to be a bit wary because I felt like if she had left her own children then she probably wouldn't have really enjoyed taking on another child or being around other children.
Anyway, my DD met her on one occasion, at a coffee shop and DD seemed to like her.
The next month she took a flight back home to her home country with exp. Turns out she wanted him to do a drug run!!! Nice!!
2- a few months later when DD1 came home from her weekend with ex partner she told me that she had stayed at a woman's house who had 2 children. She had a lot of fun and enjoyed spending time with them. Great! Then every other weekend she seemed to meet up with them for a few weeks then came home and was really upset and said that se couldn't see 'A & B' anymore as her dad had done something wrong and he was crying down the phone and saying how sorry he was.
Nothing to do with me but I did mention to him that DD was upset that she couldn't see the ladies children no more and in the future maybe see if the relationship is going to last before introducing DD and spending all of their time together with other people. He has her every other weekend. I said I hoped her wAs OK as DD seemed worried that he was so upset.
3- he was away with DD for the weekend and they met a woman there with her 2 children and DD and the children played together a lot. 3 weeks later he wanted to take DD to this woman's house in another country to stay for the week. I said I don't know if I felt comfortable with that and whilst I trusted him I didn't know about them staying in a strangers house in another country and maybe if he wanted to go then to stay in a hotel or for him to go and see the woman and see how it went and then take DD another time.
This wasn't for the just for kids sakes but as a romantic relationship for himself and the area in the country where she lived had nothing nearby for miles.
4- 1 month after wanting to take her for the week he says he is with someone new and has been for 3 months timing works out well! I casually mentioned this to him and he said no it was 3 months and that he wS talking to her whilst wanting to take DD to this other country to stay with this other woman. He said she had 3 children and one the same age as our DD. I said to him that maybe he should spend some time getting to know this one before introducing DD to her and the same for her kids. As I didn't want her to get attached to more children to then be pulled away again.
He totally agreed and said no he likes this one and will take the time before they introduce the kids in the new year and I suggested that they do a fun day out for something for all the kids. He even asked for a few suggestions. I told him I was happy that he had met someone and we joked that hopefully this one would last.
Fast forward to tonight and he usually drops DD back around 5-5.30 on a Sunday on his weekend so we have enough time to finish things off for school (if he ever takes her homework or school book he always forgets to bring it back ) and get her bathed fed and ready for bed. So today he text and said he would bring her back at 7.30 I said oh ok it's a bit late but yeah that's fine.
Then he turned up at the house with his new girlfriend. I was a bit shocked at first as I thought he would have had the decency to text before hand after our conversation the other day. I assumed that they had been out for the day together and that they was running late and that's why she was with them.
So DD came in and said that was daddy's new girlfriend. I said oh that's nice, did you have a nice day? What did you do ? The normal questions. She said that they was late because they had to wait at ex partners house for his girlfriend to get there and she was really late before he could drop DD home because they wanted to go to a resturant afterwards.
I was a bit peeved as he knows he could text and ask to drop her back a bit earlier if he needed to. Rather than make her wait around for a few extra hours.
Now here is my AIBU. Shall I call him tomorrow and just have a chat with him about this?
I honestly don't care if he has 10 women on the go at once but I don't feel he needs to introduce our DD to all of them. Before even knowing them. But I don't know if I should say anything or just leave it?
YANBU you need to have words with him and explain that your daughter needs stability from him, not a new girlfriend every other week.
FWIW it sounds all a bit odd that he keeps on going away with other women with kids and dragging your daughter along - I'd be worried he was using his status as a father to draw single mums, and then hoping to have his jollies whilst the kids entertain each other.
The next month she took a flight back home to her home country with exp. Turns out she wanted him to do a drug run!!!
Did he do it??
Sounds as if the stupid man is having a midlife
You need to have a serious conversation with your EXP. He can't keep parading a new woman in front of your DD every few weeks as it must be so confusing for her, not to mention how damaging it could be for her mental wellbeing. And wanting to take her to stay with women he's only just met is totally not on! Hopefully he'll see it from your POV and be reasonable about it.
I agree. Definitely have a word with him. It seems to me you've been very understanding and very lenient so far.
He should be spending more time with your DD1, just them two, than taking her to his girlfriends houses.
YANBU. And my thoughts were running on the same lines as * DesignedForLife*'s - is he 'using' your daughter as a prop to get into these women's
knickers good opinion?
His contact time is just that - time for his daughter to have contact with HIM. If these women-with-children were part of his normal day-to-day life (i.e. they lived together and regarded themselves as a family unit) then of course that contact time would involve them too. But that's not the case here. This quick succession of new faces is not good for your daughter, and he needs to start putting her first. He sees her every other weekend, he can surely give her that?
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