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To be fucked off when people dont tell you everyone in their house is ill before you go visit....

(82 Posts)
LivinLaVidaLoki Sun 18-Dec-16 20:15:00

OK so I may be being a bit harsh as I'm now laid up with lurgy....
In short, was going to be near MILs so texted her to see if she was in and if she fancied a visit. To he clear we visit with her regularly so it's not a case of "she must've been desperate to see you".
Anyway, she says yes so we swing by.
She let's us in and made us a brew. We sat down just as FIL came downstairs coughing and spluttering all over the place.
I asked if he was OK to which MIL said "oh don't worry we've just all got this awful chesty virus, FIL can't seem to shake it" then she too starts spluttering everywhere before BIL comes in looking like death warmed up.
"Oh BILs had it so much worse though he's been so fevery he's had to take nearly a week off work".
Now, we are all sick with the same mithery virus. I have a full time job and I have a tonne of stuff to do for Christmas and I feel so shit I can't do any of it (I know I should be on top of it by now but tbh my mum died earlier this year and I'm finding it hard to be motivated to do this stuff).
I know it's silly to feel cross with MIL but after the stressful year I've had I'm so run down my immune system seems to be shot to shit and I've never had so many niggly illnesses. I just feel the polite thing to have done would've been to tell us the whole house had lurgy so we could've just wished her a speedy recovery and seen her when everyone was feeling better.

thatsthewayitgoes Sun 18-Dec-16 20:18:22

Yanbu. My daughters party was this weekend. Five minutes after she was dropped off, 1 (non-school) friend let slip she'd been off school all week with a sickness bug that her brother now has. She still wasn't feeling great. Was furious with her mum.

MadisonAvenue Sun 18-Dec-16 20:22:22

YANBU. I have no spleen, therefore my immune system is weak so I have to my very best to avoid germs and advance warning if people are ill really does help! What can be a bit of a cold for one person can make me really ill.

Sorry to hear about your mom flowers

Magtheridon Sun 18-Dec-16 20:22:50

Oh no i absolutely hate this! It's beyond rude! It makes me think they must be really lacking in brain cells or common sense to not tell you they're ill, when they know you're coming round! angry

It also bugs me when friends of mine ask if i'll look after their children for them, but fail to mention they have infections/viruses/headlice/ chicken pox?!?! until i go to pick them up - I've never had chicken pox myself - so that was just ridiculous!

I have a couple friends whose households are always ill, so i'll ask beforehand now and if so, i wont visit. If i didn't ask, they wouldn't mention. hmm but yeah YANBU

Anyone who thinks it's ok to invite someone round when they have a contagious infection/virus are absolute unthoughtful twats

Starsandcars9 Sun 18-Dec-16 20:26:24

Yanbu - I hate it when people bring their kids to play dates/soft play sick - it's not ok and very irresponsible. We have a baby with weakened immune system - just because their child just gets a snotty nose doesn't mean to say ours do - we usually end up in hospital for a few days! Just say sorry I'm/dc are sick - ill see you next week!!!

Pumpkintopf Sun 18-Dec-16 20:31:59

YANBU this was unnecessary and inconsiderate.

bunnylove99 Sun 18-Dec-16 20:35:59

YANBU. I can't believe people who accept visitors/go visiting when they are sick with something contagious. So inconsiderate it makes my blood boil too. I hope you are all better soon.

Timeforabiscuit Sun 18-Dec-16 20:37:03

Yanbu.

Met friend for coffee the other day but she didnt tell me her 2 year old was coming.

Said 2 year old looked like patient fucking zero

Conjunctivitis in both eyes, nasty chesty cough, constant snot, and he wouldnt stop TOUCHING.

Sometimes i wish i had a backbone and just tell people theyre bloody selfish.

Smartleatherbag Sun 18-Dec-16 20:37:52

Yanbu. A slight sniffle is fair enough, unless the visitor is immunocompromised. More than that is not on.

GravyAndShite Sun 18-Dec-16 20:39:07

Meh. Most household illnesses are contagious before they are symptomatic and no longer contagious before the symptoms clear. I'd say your being a bit judge and precious, you could have picked it up anywhere.

Nerris Sun 18-Dec-16 20:48:47

YANBU my bil neglected to tell me his dd1 aged 2, had a streaming cold when he brought her round 2 weeks ago, 5 days before my dd was due to go for an operation. My niece slimed her snot all over my dd's toys, in her bed and i had to keep asking bil to wipe her nose. I did my best to keep them apart but it was just impossible sad. My dd had her operation cancelled as she was (and still is) too fucking ill with said cold.

Im really cross as he didn't tell me even though he knew about dd's op coming up angry. What's "just a cold" to some people can not only be a worry, but also a massive fucking inconvenience to others.

GravyAndShite Sun 18-Dec-16 20:55:41

Nerris why are you blaming bil? You saw Dn was ill, knew Dd had an appointment and didn't send them away? Dd is your priority so you shouldn't shove all the blame on bil now this has happened.

If you couldn't have predicted it neither could bil, but if you could then you should have acted to protect your Dd.

I appears that you put not wanting to have to deal with a conflict above looking after her health. Now you're looking to blame someone else. Take responsibility.

Nerris Sun 18-Dec-16 21:15:15

My bil was desperate for childcare as his dw works shifts, he had nowhere to go at short notice to let his dw get some sleep (he works from home). I felt damned if i did and damned if i didn't.

I was just trying to help them out, but you're right it was all my fault fhmm

Flumpsnlumpsnstuff Sun 18-Dec-16 21:28:10

I'm sat here with impetigo thanks to dd's friend and her mum popping by for a visit, she had what I thought was a scrape on her face ( the mum ) and when I commented she said it was "nothing" so I thought nothing of it however after they left dd asked me what impetigo was confusedI explained and asked why she wanted to know? To which she said oh bf said her and her mum had it so couldn't go to work angry I cleaned everything but must have missed something.

dustarr73 Sun 18-Dec-16 21:47:01

Nerris in that case you should have sent them away.Especially as your child was to have an operation.To me its a no brainer.So in this case it was your fault.

GravyAndShite Sun 18-Dec-16 21:47:49

Nerris you put his family needs above your Dd needs. That doesn't make you a 'nice/good person'. It makes you a people pleaser. Nobody wins when you are a people pleaser. You've chosen resentment over dealing with things effectively.

Bil dw doesn't get a good rest for a few days vs your child doesn't get an operation. hmm

I'm not picking on you for kicks, just showing you how backwards you have got it.

BakeOffBiscuits Sun 18-Dec-16 21:53:20

Flumps that's disgusting of your "friend". I think I'd have texted her and told her you know and are very pissed off!

I agree with you op. Why do people thinks it ok to spread their sodding germs about?

Ankleswingers Sun 18-Dec-16 22:05:42

People are beyond selfish. It's an "all about me" culture these days.

A few days before going on honeymoon to a beautiful destination my DN and her new DH visited some friends, which was all pre-arranged. The "friends" had supposedly forgotten to mention that their whole family were currently wiped out with Norovirus. They announced it once DN and her DH were seated and settled in their house. shock

Needless to say DN went down with the Norovirus on the first leg of the journey. On the plane.

I was gobsmacked at the sheer selfishness and ignorance of those that passed on this whilst knowing that they were going on a once in a lifetime holiday.

YANBU op. There are some very very sefish arseholes out there.

DirtyDancing Sun 18-Dec-16 22:08:21

Yes it's fucking annoying! Argh! angry I'll never forget meeting a friend 3 days before Xmas with our nearly 1 year olds. Turned up and her son was ill, snotty and coughing. Sure enough my DS was ill all over Xmas. Pissed me right off.. in putting him in a mask this year from about 21st onwards

Get well soon OP.

tiggytape Sun 18-Dec-16 22:10:55

YANBU - it is just plain selfish and thoughtless.
If you've got a horrible cold this week for example, chances are you'll be fine for Christmas. Anyone you happily pass it on to this week probably won't be.

Those who say "you can pick these things up anywhere" - well yes that's true. You might be unfortunate enough to walk past someone in Tesco who has a stinky cold and sneezes just as you go by.

But you are far more likely to catch it sharing a small, centrally heated room with 3 sick people for 2 hours. And whilst you cannot avoid shopping or going out forever, you can avoid sitting in a stuffy room with people actively coughing over you.

And those who say "it might be contagious before there's any symptoms" - also true. But if you lack a crystal ball, you cannot avoid ill people with no symptoms and they cannot be considerate and avoid you either.

You can however avoid ill people with sneezy, feverish, vomiting symptoms if they are considerate enough to let you know in advance. You may well be over the worst of it, but you should still give visitors the heads up in case they don't fancy risking it / have low immunity / have a holiday or operation planned etc.

Nerris Sun 18-Dec-16 22:16:47

I concede it was my fault. I should have sent them away. i am angry at him for not giving me the option to say "dont bother dragging your kids over" by giving me the option to start with with a simple text that morning, rather than turning up on my doorstep with a sick child in tow.

But i have learned a valuable lesson and will not forget it.

GravyAndShite Sun 18-Dec-16 22:19:19

Good for you. We are out dc advocates before anything else. 👍

Novinosincebambino Sun 18-Dec-16 22:28:58

If my Dd is ill, I always let who we're supposed to be visiting know and cancel. I have had the "oh we were really looking forward to you coming over" guilt trip. I have just stated firm and explained they would not thank me for whatever lurgey they have. EVERYONE should give others the option of not putting themselves in harms way. It's just selfish not to.

Lorelei76 Sun 18-Dec-16 22:32:00

YANBU I fucking hate this!
Wish you better ASAP.

happymumof4crazykids Sun 18-Dec-16 22:36:42

It is really thoughtless of other people. My sil is awful for this thanks to her and her selfishness of not wanting to stay home with her sick children we have had a sickness bug, numerous colds and even chicken pox! Now I ask if the kid are well or have been ill before I even let her in. She really is one of those annoying parents who will send their kid to school knowing they have been sick all night. No amount of telling her she is being irresponsible gets through. She is also an anti-Vaxer so god help her kids if there is ever a measles outbreak.

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