NYE, DB and his new gf, families, eh?

[balia]

I've posted about my DB briefly before. He left his wife last year after an affair with someone 20 years younger. They are still together. I've met her once.

It's been a bit devastating for the family, specially (of course) the DC, so I was hoping that Christmas would help heal things a bit. We don't live near each other so we all do Xmas separately but all travel to be together for NYE. I know my neice and nephew are very much looking forward to it. I hoped to get to know the new gf a bit better, too.

Anyway, DB is now being really evasive about when he is coming, whether gf is going to be with him etc. As far as the kids are concerned, they are definitely think they are coming but I'm not clear when he saw them last. He's on holiday at the moment with gf. (Without the DC) I've texted him a few times but he's fobbing me off saying he's really busy. I'm thinking maybe it isn't an exciting enough NYE for them?

I have tried to be so neutral about this, tried not to judge, but to be honest if he doesn't turn up it will be the last straw and I am worried I might say something about his utterly shabby, cowardly behaviour. Am I over-reacting?

[Sandsnake]

I think YANBU. Your brother is rude not letting you - and much worse - his children know what's happening. I imagine that you have guessed correctly and a family night in is not what a young woman considers to be an exciting NYE - your brother hasn't let you know because he won't commit to doing something for his kids in case it upsets his girlfriend. Coward.

You sound like a caring aunt so I'd keep trying for his kids' sake. I presume asking his ex with the kids instead of him and gf is out of the question?!

[HaveNoSocks]

YANBU. Sounds like this is the big festive meet up for you guys and he should a) make every effort to come and b) keep you up to date. I feel bad for the kids if they weren't able to attend, immediate family breaking up then missing out on extended family events too.

[Allthewaves]

It's bit awkward though isn't it. If I was the ow, I'd be lying low. I wouldn't expect to attend any family stuff for at least a year as I'd assume in wouldn't be wanted

[balia]

It's been over a year, Allthewaves. He left in 2015. Last NYE he brought the DC as usual as it was too soon even for him to bring OW. he spent hours texting her and giggling instead, the dick but over the course of this year he has toured her round the family, carefully introducing her to each one of us individually in case it was all too much for her, the precious flower.

If she feels awkward after how nice everyone has been, that's her loss. (And her own fault, TBH) I think messing everyone about will hardly make it less awkward and I'm assuming she's planning to stick around. Fine, just say it's still too soon and wave DB and the DC off. But TBH I don't think it's her as she doesn't appear to have a single opinion I think it is DB, living his 'I am young again' fantasy that doesn't involve inconvenient teenage DCs or elderly parents.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I'd invite the exW and the kids and screw him. But that's me.

[balia]

I'm tempted! I haven't spoken to SIL since the split; in the first few months after the split she was so angry she didn't want anything to do with our family and although I've sent b'day cards etc I haven't had a reply. I'm not sure she'd do the trip to bring the DC's and anyway, DB would see it as a huge betrayal if I went behind his back and invited her.

Oh the irony.

He has texted me today, blathering about how wonderful gf is and how she has changed his life, and slagging off SIL's parenting (of all the utter bloody cheek) but not answering any of my questions about arrangements for NYE.

[pipsqueak25]

i wouldn't hold my breath on his turning up tbh, db needs to man up and sort himself and gf for nye, it would be better to arrange stuff as if they aren't attending. a family do probably isn't gf idea of fun, tbh it wouldn't have been mine at that age.