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Christmas table controversy

(464 Posts)
Tabbylady Sun 18-Dec-16 17:47:58

We always spend christmas with my parents. Me and DH, our 2 DSs, Dsis and her family and DB and his. There are big age gaps between us siblings and therefore the cousins.

Since kids came on the scene they've been at a separate "kids" table for reasons of space and my parents being OTT about "mess" (plastic tablecloths, no alcohol, kids crackers etc)

My sister's daughter is much older than the other kids and has selflessly put up with this for years and we've always had a little private joke about how silly it is. She's nearly 22. This year, my DB (aged 40) split with his long term partner and is planning on bringing his new girlfriend, aged 25...

My DN was a bit fshock about all this, being quite close with DB, but has lost the plot about the ongoing table arrangements. I think she's probably projecting anger about other stuff onto this situation (loss of DBs partner who we all liked etc) but she is threatening not to come if new GF gets "treated like a grown up" while she's subjected to a boozeless christmas dinner with the little ones.

I am actually quite supportive of her- there must be a more inclusive way to do it all- and have said so to DPs who are having none of it. This silly thing is threatening a bit of a rift- me, DH, DSis and BIL and DN all on same side with the rest of them on the other. Suspect DBs new GF has no clue.

AIBU to support my DN in this admittedly a bit silly fuss? How would you resolve it?

SpeckledyBanana Sun 18-Dec-16 17:49:49

Blimey. I would support your DN too.

SnugglySnerd Sun 18-Dec-16 17:51:47

Your poor niece - absolutely ridiculous that she is expected to sit with all the kids and not have any alcohol. I'd be on her side too. No helpful advice though I'm afraid.

DorothyBastard Sun 18-Dec-16 17:52:52

How old are the other 'kids'? Is there space at the adult table for DN? Is there the room for everyone to sit together?

ferriswheel Sun 18-Dec-16 17:53:45

Ha! That is the funniest thing I've read on here in ages.

When the youngest child is 18 willbyour dn qualify for the adult table?

WhisperingLoudly Sun 18-Dec-16 17:54:12

Yes I'd support DN but I have no idea how to resolve it!

How old are your DBs DCs and are they still spending Christmas with you all?

TheCatsMother99 Sun 18-Dec-16 17:54:51

I cant believe that at 22 shes made to sit at the kids table. She hasn't been a child for at least 4 years, never mind the fact that IMO she should have been bumped up to the adult table when she became a teen.

Tissunnyupnorth Sun 18-Dec-16 17:54:55

My family do this, not for reasons of mess, but space (big family). However, once the child reaches 18 they move onto the adult table.

Arfarfanarf Sun 18-Dec-16 17:55:03

I would support her.
She is an adult.
It is ridiculous that she is treated like a child and i would say so!
Tbh I'd probably sit at the kids table with her if i had to, to make the point!

Oldraver Sun 18-Dec-16 17:55:11

I cannot get my head round an adult having to sit at a childrens table with no alcohol (if that's what she wants)..thats fucking madness

Waltermittythesequel Sun 18-Dec-16 17:55:52

Your parents are being ridiculous and are humiliating her given the new circumstances.

If I were her, I wouldn't go!

KellyBoo800 Sun 18-Dec-16 17:56:08

I think that it's silly that your poor DN has been subjected to this for so long anyway! If there is to be a clear child/adult divide then a 22 year old should not be treated as a child.

SVJAA Sun 18-Dec-16 17:56:22

Yeah we had a "kids" table, but as we all hit 16 (pretty close together, only a few years in it) it stopped. 22 is a bit outrageous to ban booze.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Sun 18-Dec-16 17:56:35

I take it DB is not DN's dad?

Aside from that, I'm amazed your neice has put up with this shite as long as she has.

No booze???

I've had bailed on the family Xmas years ago in her place. shock

LineyReborn Sun 18-Dec-16 17:56:53

God that's pathetic of your parents.

Your niece is right.

Floggingmolly Sun 18-Dec-16 17:57:19

Do people really carry on like this? hmm. A grown woman agreeing to sit on a table with a load of little kids because her grandparents refuse to recognise her as an adult?
Why have the lot of you indulged this nonsense so long?

Allalonenow Sun 18-Dec-16 17:58:15

What does your Sis think about how her daughter is treated?
If I were the niece I wouldn't go.

Laiste Sun 18-Dec-16 17:59:02

NO!

OMG that's just ridiculous! In this situation they would be 'graduating' to the adult table at 14 if i were the host. Poor niece!

I'm picturing the youngest still sitting at the kids table with a kids cracker all alone at ... what? 21?

HemanOrSheRa Sun 18-Dec-16 17:59:20

Good grief! I would be supporting her too. In fact if they really won't budge then I would do the same as Arf.

Is space at the 'Adult' table a problem? It is 2 completely separate tables or 2 shoved together?

MrsJayy Sun 18-Dec-16 17:59:34

Gawd that poor girl she needs to be with the adults and have a glass of whatever thebloodyhell she likes, the grandparents must know she is an actual adult I have a dd older than your neice the thought of her on a kids table is laughable

Haffdonga Sun 18-Dec-16 17:59:40

I can understand the table bit, just - space and all that. But why the fuck is she not allowed to drink alcohol at 22 years old? hmm

OrangeSquashTallGlass Sun 18-Dec-16 17:59:59

This is literally ridiculous. Regardless of whether your DB has a new partner or not - your DN should be allowed to sit with you all as an adult (which she is!) at Christmas.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Sun 18-Dec-16 18:00:39

I would have refused to sit at the "kids" table from around the age of 12 so for your neice to humour her grandparents in this for so long suggests herculian virtue on her part.

Poor girl woman.

MrsJayy Sun 18-Dec-16 18:01:47

I had a baby at 22 so this infantizing of adult children baffles me

XiCi Sun 18-Dec-16 18:02:09

Wow, how humiliating for the poor woman
How on earth have you let this go on for so long. Bizarre behaviour. Are they using your DN as childcare for the younger kids?

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