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I've left the washing up on his chair

(98 Posts)
Grumpybear16 Sun 18-Dec-16 06:27:17

Aibu? Background info is we have 2 small boys aged 2.5 and 7 months. I'm on maternity leave and DH works full time and goes to the gym most evenings. He also eats separately from us as he says he needs more protein. Every morning I get up to his washing up and the kitchen a mess. I do it because I can't stand the mess. Yesterday I took the boys to my Mums for the day and I came back last night to piles of washing up/mess on his computer desk. I asked him last night to wash it up and this morning it's still there. Instead of doing the usual I have piled it all on his chair so when he wants to go on his computer he'll have to deal with that first (I don't expect him to wash it up and there'll probably be an argument). I'm planning on starting to pile it in his car or even just chucking the whole lot away so he has to wash things up before using it, I'm that sick of it. Aibu to just leave it there? Should I warn him first? Wwyd?

Ohdearducks Sun 18-Dec-16 06:42:42

Yes leave it, you're not his maid or housekeeper so don't let him treat you like one. He keeps doing it because he knows you'll eventually clear it up, break the cycle.

TheMaddHugger Sun 18-Dec-16 06:44:07

Good Luck sweetie. I have no polite advice ((((((((Hugs))))))))))

periwinklepickspoppies Sun 18-Dec-16 06:46:50

Don't ask him to wash up, tell him. He isn't doing you a favour by washing up so don't frame it as one.

NiceFalafels Sun 18-Dec-16 06:49:23

Good on you? Does he do nothing at all domestically? What a selfish tot!

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 18-Dec-16 06:50:06

Yes, leave it there. Does he actually spend any time with you and the dc? It all sounds rather grim.

GreatFuckability Sun 18-Dec-16 06:50:55

Id stick a lock on the cupboard and don't give him a key. Then if he wants a plate....not your problem.

overthehillandroundthemountain Sun 18-Dec-16 06:52:02

Good for you! I just left the cutlery basket for him to unload, and left him to cook dinner, too. I had asked twice and he was not helping. So I left it Don't remember signing up to be a housemaid!

ladylunchalot1 Sun 18-Dec-16 06:52:36

Just wash it.. you know you will eventually lol

RubyWinterstorm Sun 18-Dec-16 06:52:55

Selfish man angry

NickyEds Sun 18-Dec-16 06:54:14

YANBU. My dp won't wash up and it's unbelievably fucking annoying.

Mindtrope Sun 18-Dec-16 06:57:08

He sounds more interested in himself and his body than his family.
Were you the poster who complained about your OH eating all the food in the fridge?

He sounds a catch.

bloodymaria Sun 18-Dec-16 06:58:04

He sounds like a knob! Yanbu

UnicornInDMboots Sun 18-Dec-16 07:11:27

Yanbu!!!!!
And if he is that averse to washing up he could spend less money on the gym and protein ....and buy a dishwasher

zen1 Sun 18-Dec-16 07:15:41

YANBU. How do you put up with him? What does he contribute?

Nemesia Sun 18-Dec-16 07:18:05

Do you share a bed? If you don't, pile all his stuff in his bed then spread the duvet back over. If he wants to sleep then he has to deal with it.

cheekyfunkymonkey Sun 18-Dec-16 07:18:21

He is clearly working on the theory that if he leaves it long enough you'll do it.

Mindtrope Sun 18-Dec-16 07:22:23

You have to admire the guy- found a soft enough woman to put up with this.

Will be a really useful family dynamic to model to his sons. Hopefully they can find some soft touches too.

Kr1stina Sun 18-Dec-16 07:24:22

You have a baby and a toddler and he goes out most evenings ?

I think you have a bigger problem than washing up .

Euphemia Sun 18-Dec-16 07:25:37

What would happen if you just ignored his dishes? Really steeled yourself and just did NOTHING with them?

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing Sun 18-Dec-16 07:29:20

Agree with Kr1stina

The washing up would be the nail in the coffin for me.

Takfish89 Sun 18-Dec-16 07:32:50

Be sounds awful. I honestly can't understand how he thinks this is acceptable. When do you get time to exercise or have a break? Does he ever help out? Good for you for taking a stand but could I also suggest you guys consider couples therapy. From the very very small snap shop you have posted it sounds like your communication has really broken doen. A big good luck xx

EnormousTiger Sun 18-Dec-16 07:35:38

I suspect if you were back at work (I was full time by 7 months) this would all sort itself out. You would be swanning off to the gym every other night and he would be tackling washing after work.

Get back to fairness in terms of income and duties and things will settle down. Money always talks. I found earning 10x my husband worked very well indeed.

Mindtrope Sun 18-Dec-16 07:39:00

I suspect if you were back at work (I was full time by 7 months) this would all sort itself out.

So going back to work will stop him from being a knob?

What a simplistic view.

Grumpybear16 Sun 18-Dec-16 07:41:24

Thanks everyone. I think sometimes you need to write it down to realise just how bad something is. He literally does nothing and when he does he goes on about it for weeks. He even said once "you've got all day to do it!"

You're right Kr1stina, there's so much I don't even know where to start.

Nemesia - we don't! It had crossed my mind 😄

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