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WIBU to uninvite friend to christmas party?

(19 Posts)
FailAgain Sat 17-Dec-16 23:20:54

Every year we have a small Christmas party for close friends and family. Last year my relationship with a good friend broke down and I haven't spoken to her since except in passing.

But I'm also friends with her mum and they both usually come to the party. It was unlikely the mum would come alone (she lives out of town and doesn't like night driving, also she'd understandably be upset if I excluded her daughter) so I sent an invitation for both of them, to the mum's house.

But the mum is ill and can't come, however my ex-friend has RSVP'd saying thanks for invite, she'd love to come! I really, really don't want her there, I only invited her in order not to upset her mum and so the mum would come.

I don't know what to do. Should I just suck it up, be polite and friendly at the party because after all I did invite her. Or WIBU to tell her the truth, that she's not welcome (without her mum) because I'm still hurt by her behaviour and do not want to resume our friendship?

OwlinaTree Sat 17-Dec-16 23:22:11

Maybe she sees the invite as an olive branch?

Mammylamb Sat 17-Dec-16 23:23:29

I think you need to suck it up. By her response it sounds like she is delighted to hear from you and possibly wants to rekindle the friendship; is there a reason you don't want to?

MakeLemonade Sat 17-Dec-16 23:23:32

YABU

You are either too hurt by her behaviour to see her, or not. Her mum attending (or not) isn't ultimately changing how you feel so you shouldn't have invited her in the first place but now you have, suck it up.

CaspoFungin Sat 17-Dec-16 23:24:40

Well it depends what she did really but it would seem quite childish to uninvite her.

PoliticalBiscuit Sat 17-Dec-16 23:35:58

Suck it up. Good thing is it's your party so if she tries to chat just get distracted by other things.

holidaysaregreat Sat 17-Dec-16 23:38:59

I think YABU if you uninvite her. If there will be others there you should be able to kind of be polite - smile & wave type of thing. As others have said she might be looking forward to it and see it as a chance to make amends. If you had sent no invite at all that would be fine. A friend was nasty to me and I couldn't face having her at my 40th but we have since patched things up.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sat 17-Dec-16 23:55:52

Unless she did something terrible. Is it worth carrying it on, and She seems more than willing to make things up.
Life's far too short for all that falling out.

Only1scoop Sat 17-Dec-16 23:58:08

Yabu that would be a childish thing to do.

TheDowagerCuntess Sat 17-Dec-16 23:59:41

Without knowing what she did, everyone is going to tell you YABU, even if you aren't.

On the face of it, you're being petty and unreasonable to uninvite her. However, if you fell out because your husband left you for her, then you're definitely not being unreasonable, but if that were the case, I doubt you'd have invited her in the first place.

mummydawn07 Sun 18-Dec-16 00:18:54

maybe try and resolve the issue at the party? she sounds like she was happy to receive the invitation.. unless it was something unforgivable that made you fall out or part ways in the friendship in which case you shouldn't of invited her, perhaps try and patch things up? if not you have invited her so suck it up and just try and avoid her at the party

FailAgain Sun 18-Dec-16 00:19:44

Right, thanks, it's obvious - it WBU! I was going to suck it up if her mum was there so no reason I can't do the same now she's coming alone. There'll be plenty of other people around and plenty hostess distractions. I wish I'd thought of a better solution to the situation of wanting mum there in first place but it's too late now so I'll resist pull towards childish righteousness - season of goodwill after all. Thank you for keeping me right MN fsmile

monkeywithacowface Sun 18-Dec-16 00:22:40

Not wanting to resume the friendship is one thing but withdrawing the invite will come across as a deliberate act of trying to hurt and humiliate her. You really shouldn't have invited her at all if she wasn't welcome. I doubt you would keep the friendship with her mum either.

monkeywithacowface Sun 18-Dec-16 00:23:18

Cross posts must type faster!

Pluto30 Sun 18-Dec-16 00:26:52

You can't invite and then uninvite someone "just 'cause".

Suck it up and get on with it. YABU.

riceuten Sun 18-Dec-16 00:29:36

Do you want to reconnect with this friend, because that's what it looks like she wants to do with you and it would (on the face of it) be the sensible thing to do.

However, you might want to have a chat with her beforehand to clear the air.

FireSquirrel Sun 18-Dec-16 00:30:07

Agree with pp, it sounds like she maybe sees the invite as an olive branch. The fact that she's accepted suggests she's keen to try and repair your friendship. Unless she did something unspeakably awful I'd look at this as a positive and a chance to build bridges, you may never be as close as you once were but it would be nice to at least be on friendly terms, especially if you intend to carry on the friendship with her mother.

Keithreefteeth Sun 18-Dec-16 00:38:29

What did she do?

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 18-Dec-16 00:46:36

Without knowing what happened it's hard to say.

If she screwed your DH then you have every right to uninvited her - tell her she was only invited because you love her mum & you were being polite to her taxi service.

If she forgot she was meeting you for coffee then suck it up buttercup.

Anything i nbetween you'll have to decide for yourself unless you give us more info.

HTH

Happy Christmas 🎄🍾

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