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would do you do with a sulker ?

(36 Posts)
pipsqueak25 Sat 17-Dec-16 21:38:51

i ignore them but what do you do ? - when it is an adult is it so irritating,

LindyHemming Sat 17-Dec-16 21:39:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arfarfanarf Sat 17-Dec-16 21:40:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WaryMary Sat 17-Dec-16 21:42:37

With adults and children I ignore. I intensely dislike it,

JaneJeffer Sat 17-Dec-16 21:43:08

Ignore them and be outrageously cheerful.

pinkieandperkie Sat 17-Dec-16 21:48:36


SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 17-Dec-16 21:58:58

Who is the sulker in this case? Partner?

LovelyBranches Sat 17-Dec-16 21:59:07

It depends. If it'a someone sulking out of genuine disappointment then I'll try and make them laugh or feel better.

If someone is sulking because they didn't get their own way and are acting like a spoilt brat then I tend to just leave them to it, but I find sulkers really affect my mood so I find it worthwhile to try and lighten things.

gleam Sat 17-Dec-16 22:04:22

The best thing to do, imo, is leave them alone and let them come out of it in their own time.

To me a sulk is a hurt response, not a manipulative one.

Wolfiefan Sat 17-Dec-16 22:07:16

No gleam. A hurt response is "you know yo really hurt me when ..."
Sulking is childish and an attempt to gain control. It's horrid.

TataEs Sat 17-Dec-16 22:07:57

i think i could be considered a sulker. this is because if i feel sad, mad, disappointed, upset i tend to go quiet for a bit to process those feelings and move on. it can take an hour or so. personally i'd rather be ignored, or have people carry on normally around me as ultimately talking about it or being called out on it won't change how long it will take me to process my feelings. i don't sulk in order to get my own way tho.
if someone's trying to manipulate you by sulking i'd just call them out it. 'i know you think if u sulk a bit then ill change my mind, but i won't, so either suck it up or come back when you're ready to move on'

gleam Sat 17-Dec-16 22:08:12

I have to disagree, Wolfie.

elodie2000 Sat 17-Dec-16 22:08:25

If it's an adult, confront them. Tell them that you know that they are a) trying to manipulate you and that b) what they are doing is emotional blackmail. Tell them that it won't change anything & that it actually makes things worse.
I hate sulkers.

HelenF350 Sat 17-Dec-16 22:08:38

I ignore mine mostly, although occasionally my frustration gets the better off me.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Sat 17-Dec-16 22:08:49

I say, "Awwww, are you sulking? Are things not going your way?" and then carry on with my life.

elodie2000 Sat 17-Dec-16 22:13:19

gleam There's a big difference between someone who goes quiet/ into their shell when hurt & someone who activel sulks and gives the cold shoulder. Sulking is quite an aggressive action.

Wolfiefan Sat 17-Dec-16 22:13:21

Gleam are you a sulker?! grin
Adults should be able to discuss their emotions rather than throwing a strop. A sulk does nothing to resolve a situation. It's like a passive aggressive tantrum!

RockStonePebble Sat 17-Dec-16 22:19:45

LTB. Ex was a sulker. Sometimes wouldn't talk to me for 2 or 3 days after a minor disagreement. It was nothing to do with him being hurt and everything to do with punishing me for my supposed transgressions. No way to live.

Fidelia Sat 17-Dec-16 22:21:04

Ignore them, go out and have fun.

Sulkers want attention: They either want to be placated so they get what they wanted, or to argue, but be able to blame it on the other person (so try to irritate the ther person into 'starting' the argument), or to ruin the day for everyone else.

Going out stops all of that.

If they're still sulking when you come back, pretend like you don't notice the sulking. If they ignore you, pretend you don't notice. Refuse to walk on eggshells around them, and if they get grumpy, ignore that too. They only sulk because sulking works for them. When it stops working for them, they have to find another way to express themselves.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Sat 17-Dec-16 22:22:38

The best thing to do, imo, is leave them alone and let them come out of it in their own time.

Absolutely. There's nothing worse than trying to enjoy a good sulk and having to contend with someone determined to cheer you up. fangry

I always came out of it much quicker as a child/teenager if I was just allowed some time to wallow.

gleam Sat 17-Dec-16 22:34:25

Perhaps my idea of a sulker is different to most of yours?

TataEs's description is what I'm thinking of - a period of withdrawal where you get over whatever upset you and then you're fit to rejoin other people. But it takes a while and you can't just snap out if it. It's also not done with intent to get your own way.

How would you describe that, if not a sulk?

Rachel0Greep Sat 17-Dec-16 22:35:02

Lived with a flatmate years ago who was a champion sulker. It would be nothing to do with anything I had done. She could be sulking about something work related, family related...
After a few episodes, she was quite aggrieved when she told me that she 'had decided she would speak to me again' and I pointed out that you cannot actually treat people like that...
As far as I remember, she stopped it then.
It's horrible, it's extremely childish and should not be entertained in an adult.

Saracen Sat 17-Dec-16 22:54:10

Agree with gleam. I am quite a sulker. I know it is not easy or pleasant for others to deal with, but I cannot simply snap out of it at will - unless you want me to plaster a fake smile on and pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

Time fixes it. It's best for everyone if I can be alone for a while. Sometimes that isn't possible.

Dh deals brilliantly with my moods, because most of the time he genuinely doesn't notice them. Or he notices briefly, asks if there is anything he can do, then soon forgets that I was sulking and carries on as normal. This makes it easier for me to return to normal faster.

elodie2000 Sun 18-Dec-16 07:47:05

Gleam: How would you describe that, if not a sulk?
Feeling sad/ disappointed? Needing time to process...
A sulk is deliberate coldness towards another person designed to make them feel bad for what they have 'done' to you.
Yes, maybe your definition is different!

Candlelight123 Sun 18-Dec-16 08:43:24

Sorry but sulking is childish and ridiculous in an adult and if I was on the end of it I would have to say so in no uncertain terms (and I do). Being disappointed is one thing, we all feel this and you get over it, but sulking / cold shoulder is completely an other.

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