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To give my friend a cheaper present?

(74 Posts)
Jugglingallthebollocks Sat 17-Dec-16 18:38:19

I fully aware I am being unreasonable and ready for a flaming.... my DCs godmother buys my children a lovely present every year, generally spends about £20-25. I reciprocate and buy her a nice present (she has no DCs), I put a lot of though into it and generally spend about £60. This is far more than I spend on anyone else, would never spend this amount on myself but I appreciate her buying for my kids as they don't get much from anyone else. This year she let them open their presents early and it was a selection box each. I've already wrapped her beautiful £60 jo Malone candle (that I'm coveting and would never get given myself).
Background, I was late with her birthday present as we were on holiday, she took the hump (birthdays are very big things for her) and told me to keep the present for my own birthday from her, which I gladly did .
So AIBU to keep the candle for myself and give her a smaller gift?

luckylucky24 Sat 17-Dec-16 18:43:20

I think it seems a bit petty but you are consistently spending more on her than she spends on your family so I would probably in the future spend less. Unless you could regift the candle it seems daft not to give it to her.

NotSayingImBatman Sat 17-Dec-16 18:46:23

I'd say that sounds fine. She's either a) sulking about her birthday and, as we all know, sulking shouldn't be rewarded or b) she's decided it's time to start cutting back on expensive presents for your kids.

Frankly, if it's b, it would have been nice of her to tell you as presumably she's still expecting a £60ish gift from you.

However I'm sure someone will be along soon to tell you that you're a cow for not getting her present to her on time for her birthday and that your kids are probably spoilt brats that never say thank you etc etc.

Jugglingallthebollocks Sat 17-Dec-16 18:46:58

I know I'm being a bit petty, and feeling a bit sorry for myself. I get literally zilch for Xmas, people that used to buy for me now buy for the DCs and I buy back for them from the DCs. I feel like I spend so much time and money and effort buying for others and I don't even get a box of after eights on Xmas morning. Which I suck up as my kids get presents, I know you don't give to receive but a Jo Malone candle for 2 selection boxes seems a raw deal. I'd bloody love to open that candle for myself on Xmas day....

Jugglingallthebollocks Sat 17-Dec-16 18:48:03

Oh and kids always send a Thankyou card and picture with the gift and text same day. It's definitely me missing her birthday that's the issue.

SloeGinandTonic Sat 17-Dec-16 18:49:02

Not sure why you buy her a gift at all? Is she your friend?

It is usual for godparents to buy gifts for their godchildren. It is not usual for the parents of the godchildren to buy godparents gifts.

Maybe time to call a halt to it all?

carefreeeee Sat 17-Dec-16 18:50:05

£60 on a candle????

she sounds weirdly obsessed with presents to take it out on your kids because you were a bit late for her birthday months age. If I buy a present for a friend's child I don't expect the parents to get me anything...if I buy a present for the friend I wouldn't expect anything in return either - but would be less surprised if they reciprocated. Definitely wouldn't expect the value to tally though.

If I were you I'd get her something for a fiver or tenner each year

SloeGinandTonic Sat 17-Dec-16 18:50:07

Get her a nice bottle of fizz. She gave food and so appropriate to receive drink back.

Keep the candle.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Sat 17-Dec-16 18:50:46

Background, I was late with her birthday present as we were on holiday, she took the hump

How very ... odd. fconfused

She sounds high maintenance. I'd keep the candle and give her a sponsored goat.

SloeGinandTonic Sat 17-Dec-16 18:51:21

Lanson is £22 in waitrose and I am sure that lots of champagne is on offer at other stores. Special enough but not OTT

Floralnomad Sat 17-Dec-16 18:51:30

I say keep it and get her something cheaper , what about a Yankee candle . We have some friends who we exchange gifts with , rarely see them or speak to them from one Christmas to the next but its historic gift giving . This year I said to DH that he wasn't to contact them ( he usually initiates it) and we will see what happens , I've bought them a £50 JL voucher and some chocs just in case and posted their Christmas card - so far we've heard nothing so hopefully I will be able to spend my £50 after Christmas .

DanglyEarOrnaments Sat 17-Dec-16 18:52:08

Keep the candle,buy her box of chocs smile

spankhurst Sat 17-Dec-16 18:53:11

Wow, I'm truly shock at the pettiness of some adults about presents! Not you, OP, your friend. Some of the threads over the last few days are gobsmacking.
Keep the lovely candle and get her some fizz like sloe said.

cardibach Sat 17-Dec-16 18:56:03

I'm just sad you don't get anything yourself, OP. That seems rough. Keep the candle and unwrap it on Christmas morning. Go with a PP suggestion of a bottle of fizz.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease Sat 17-Dec-16 18:56:30

I would take the candle back to the shop for a refund personally, but if you really really want a £60 candle then yed- keep it.

Astley Sat 17-Dec-16 18:56:38

If you want a race to the bottom, keep the candle. If you want to rep are your friendship give her the candle and try and move on.

Maybe she doesn't get any other presents on her birthday and was hurt that you forgot. She sees you with a family and might feel really alone at time like birthdays and Christmas.

SEsofty Sat 17-Dec-16 18:58:05

Godparents buy presents if they want to, not because the parents buy presents for them.

Did she buy you a present? You, not the children.

If not, then don't get one for her

BillyShingles Sat 17-Dec-16 18:58:52

I'm not sure I follow about the gift from her to you. So you bought her something expensive, but were late giving it to her, so she told you to keep jt as a gift from her back to you for your birthday? Essentially she regifted your gift back to you because you were late with hers?!

I think it depends on what you want the outcome to be. If you want to keep going with the bigger gift exchange then give her the candle this year. If you would rather take it all down a notch then give her something smaller. I'd favour being the bigger person and giving her the big gift this year unless you would like to reduce the cost of the gifts on both sides anyway.

I think as children get bigger it is fairly normal to make gifts a bit smaller, especially as families grow and people find themselves buying for more and more children. That might not be what's happening here though.

NancyDonahue Sat 17-Dec-16 19:02:49

£60 for a candle? shock

Are you 100% sure the selection box is the only present she's got your dc's? Are you seeing her again before Xmas?

SloeGinandTonic Sat 17-Dec-16 19:05:19

My godchildren don't buy me a gift. I buy them advent calendars, Christmas and birthday gifts. I will get them confirmation gifts if they do that.

Empress13 Sat 17-Dec-16 19:06:01

Just a selection box each?? Really and she has no DC of her own to buy for ? Cheapskate Sod her I'd def keep the candle and get her that box of After 8's

SantasJockstrap Sat 17-Dec-16 19:07:42

I would get a refund on the candle, and buy some smaller treats for myself, like a yankee candle and maybe a meal out

ijustwannadance Sat 17-Dec-16 19:08:07

She sulked because you were away and her gift was late?!
Keep the candle.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sat 17-Dec-16 19:08:24

Keep the candle!!! If she is genuinely taking out pettiness on the children then she does not deserve fancy candle. I am like you, get nothing for birthdays or Xmas and would never dream of buying myself a fancy candle but should I have already bought one and it was going spare it might have to be my new fancy candle...

Christmassnake Sat 17-Dec-16 19:08:26

Take the kids shopping give them money to buy for you....or if they are to little,buy for you and wrap's a win get something you would like and the kids get to see their open presents from Santa so are happy

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