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or was this a bad decision?

(20 Posts)
user1481916344 Sat 17-Dec-16 16:12:27

DH has been working away for the last 5 weeks. Mid week he asked if rather than coming back today, he could come back tomorrow as he'd like to go and visit his family for the night as he was a bit closer than he would normally be. (They live around 4 hours north of us and he was 1.5 hours north this week.) He was at a Christmas party last night. I said he's not really close enough to use that as an excuse, but fine, but reminded him that he's taking DD to something tomorrow at 2pm so would need to set off early. I'm managing several things (xmas related) that he should be dealing with as a favour.

I spoke to him at about 10:30 this morning and he said he was just going for breakfast and then setting off. So I thought he'd be getting to his family by about 2pm. He's still not there. Turns out he gave a lift to a mate for an hour in the wrong direction (so a 2 hour detour). Oh, and half of his family are away. He'll get to the ones that are around at about 7pm. So he'll stay up later (drinking) and getting back in time for DD's thing tomorrow will be a major hassle.

AIBU to be miffed? I wouldn't have minded him being away for another night if it was to see his family, but playing taxi when the friend should just have got the train and spending about twice as long on the road as he'll spend with a couple of members of the family just seems like a pisstake? I don't know. So, thoughts?

haveacupoftea Sat 17-Dec-16 16:17:01

I would be slightly miffed, but he was doing his mate a favour which is nice. I would just warn him he better be on time tomorrow and in good form. If he turned up late, hungover or didnt turn up at all...THEN i'd be furious.

DearMrDilkington Sat 17-Dec-16 16:17:47

Is he really giving a friend a lift?

user1481916344 Sat 17-Dec-16 16:18:54

Yes. I've no concerns on that score. He's an idiot but he's not that much of an idiot.

user1481916344 Sat 17-Dec-16 16:20:26

He genuinely has no idea where anywhere is. If he was driving from London to Birmingham and someone asked him to detour to Norwich he'd probably do it.

LindyHemming Sat 17-Dec-16 16:29:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1481916344 Sat 17-Dec-16 16:30:41

He says he will.

StealthPolarBear Sat 17-Dec-16 16:33:51

I'd feel exactly rhe same however hoe he chooses to waste spend his time is up to him , I'd be furious if he wasnt back to take dd as promised

CustardOmlet Sat 17-Dec-16 16:40:28

I would only be bothered if he was late home tomo, or if we were financially stretched and he's just rinsed a tank of petrol on taxiing.

Bluntness100 Sat 17-Dec-16 16:42:37

If only be annoyed if he was late tomorrow too, don't see the issue to be honest otherwise. Sorry.

user1480946351 Sat 17-Dec-16 16:43:15

It doesn;'t make any actual difference to you though. He asked if you minded him being away an extra night, you said you did not. It's not for you to decide whether he is using his time correctly or who he is seeing.

If he's back when he says he will be and does what he says he will (in relation to you, not others) then I don't see that you have any cause for complaint. YABU.

Ginkypig Sat 17-Dec-16 16:48:28

This is only a problem if he's not back to do the thing with dd.

If he misses out time with his family becase he's chosen to do someone it's his problem, I mean it's it defeats the purpose of the extra night but it's him missing out.

user1481916344 Sat 17-Dec-16 17:01:18

It's caused quite a bit of extra work for me him being away. I thought it was for a reasonable reason (time with family), although I said I'd rather he went for a few days in the new year (and took DD if he wanted to) and did it properly rather than have only half a day as well as adding it on to several weeks away.

user1480946351 Sat 17-Dec-16 17:03:50

Either its ok with you for him to be away tonight or it isn't. He isn't our employee, its not ok if you decide if its a good enough reason and not ok if its not a good enough reason.
That's controlling. If you needed him or wanted him to come home, you should have said so.

user1481916344 Sat 17-Dec-16 17:06:39

That's a fair point.

youarenotkiddingme Sat 17-Dec-16 17:22:39

IT sounds more like your stressed with the workload you have to do as your're covering him as well?

Therefore knowing he's doing as he pleases with no time scales attached is pissing you off?
He's doing what he said he was so how he does it isn't really your place to dictate - I can see why you're annoyed though!

user1481916344 Sat 17-Dec-16 18:42:01

I guess I'm a bit upset that after 5 weeks away he'd rather drive 2.5 hours north to spend a few hours with some of his family and then be in a rush travelling 4+ hours tomorrow than 1.5 hours back to us today. DD has missed him terribly and it would have been nice if he'd come home this afternoon and spent some time with her.

ImissTerry Sat 17-Dec-16 18:48:49

How long is he going to be home for when he does get home if he's been away for 5 weeks?

user1481916344 Sat 17-Dec-16 18:50:20

Hopefully home till New Year at least.

user1481916344 Sat 17-Dec-16 18:51:11

But it's never guaranteed. And I'm going back to work full time this week after 5+ years out, so I needed him here so that i have space to prepare!

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