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AIBU?

To be annoyed at DH for dropping me in it?

37 replies

justwanttoweeinpeace · 17/12/2016 15:48

So this morning DH announced that he'd bumped into our 70 something NDH who told him she was on her own on Xmas day. He started our convo with 'we have a dilemma...'

She's perfectly fine in small doses, but can be bloody hard work when neighbour type issues arise (parking!)

He wanted her to come over for coffee on Xmas morning, which I'm fine with but warned him that I'll be cooking etc and therefore won't be available for chit chat. (I love this stuff, happy to do it, don't want to delegate or shift anything to tea time etc.) He of course doesn't fancy playing the gracious neighbour so that idea was vetoed.

I suggested she came for tea, DS (3) won't be quite so hysterical and we'll have had our big lunch by then. A pot of tea and a bit of supper will be a much more relaxed affair. Also she's not a night owl so it's not like she'll be here all night.

For reasons unbeknownst to me, that is a terrible idea. To explain the issues would be 'too complicated' apparently.

WIBU to just present her joining us for tea as a fait acommpli at 3pm on Xmas day when DH is a bit too food drunk to argue? No one else would mind. A few hours would do diplomatic wonders for 2017.

I'll feel awful sat here knowing she's on her own. I'm also worried that she's expecting an invite. I wish DH had never said anything to me now.

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DeciRed · 17/12/2016 16:04

Xmas tea it is!

baconandeggies · 17/12/2016 16:18

She might not want to come round!

baconandeggies · 17/12/2016 16:20

Was his combo with her:

Him: so, doing anything for Christmas?
Her: oh no, just a quiet day at home

Or

Her: oh I'm all alone this year, not looking forward to it

baconandeggies · 17/12/2016 16:21

*convo

bloodymaria · 17/12/2016 16:40

Has he actually invited her?

mummydawn07 · 17/12/2016 16:43

invite her round for tea and see what she says..

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 17/12/2016 16:50

It's a bit rich of hubby to 'sort of ask her round' but not want to play the gracious host. I'd suggest a late tea, then she can go home afterwards after hopefully having a nice time. That way you won't be lumbered with her all day and won't worry about morning coffee morphing into lunch. It could be stressful for her too. Many older folk prefer to be in their own homes as they're more comfortable with all their things around them.

Marcipex · 17/12/2016 16:53

Morning coffee seems a dismal option to me. How are you going to usher her out so that you can sit down to a delicious dinner that you have all smelt cooking?
Tea time would be much better imo.

Suburbopolis · 17/12/2016 16:56

She might not want to come. I can't think of anything worse than going somewhere and not being wanted!

But my dad used to do this all the time, visit relatives and sit there silent while my mum chatted. Or invite randomers and leave my mum to make small talk and cook.

SapphireStrange · 17/12/2016 17:10

Tell him the options again: morning coffee with him hosting, or late tea/early supper with you both there.

If he's not happy, he can uninvite her. Or he can bloody well host, seeing as he's the one who's asked her.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 17/12/2016 17:13

He's being rather a prat naughty here. He wants to have the koudos of asking her, without the actual inconvenience of hosting her...

PNGirl · 17/12/2016 17:15

Did he not have the foresight to realise that if she comes in the morning someone will have to start chivvying her out when you start thinking about having your Christmas Dinner? "Off you go then, seeing as you're not invited for the next bit".

Tea is much better.

WellErrr · 17/12/2016 17:18

If he's invited her he can hardly get sniffy about having to chat to her can he?

Go and ask her for tea instead. And buy himself copy of 'Wifework' for Christmas, the prick.

honeylulu · 17/12/2016 17:19

Well, what is he proposing?
Is it that he wants to invite her for the whole day but give you the responsibility for hosting/ entertaining her? If so it needs to be clarified now that it's his idea = his responsibility.
This rang bells with me as my dad used to do it all the time - invite various poor unfortunates he felt sorry for but then dump them on my mum to deal with. It was as if once he had assuaged his guilt with an invitation, his work was done. One acquaintance of his was going through a rocky divorce and dad kept inviting him to Sunday lunch. After lunch dad would vanish to his sports club and leave mum to listen to the poor fellow bemoaning his problems for hours.... once he found a new girlfriend we didn't see him for dust (at least that problem solved).

SolomanDaisy · 17/12/2016 17:24

If you're having her round for a few hours, you really might as well ask her for Xmas lunch. Anything else has a hint of not really liking her, unless there's an easy explanation like no space.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/12/2016 17:24

I think he's already asked her to dinner. He was expecting you to agree right off the bat and now he's panicking because he has to find a way to 'talk you round' to it.

PuppetInParadize · 17/12/2016 17:25

Yes, afternoon tea is the better option. And she might not want to come anyway! !

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2016 17:25

It was a 'glory invite' wasn't it? He looks lovely while volunteering your time. Have her round for coffee so he has to talk to her.

Chewbecca · 17/12/2016 17:25

3pm is early for tea on Christmas Day isn't it? I'd do 5pm.

It would be v embarrassing for her to get there in the morning whilst you are prepping dinner then to kick her out before you sit down to eat, you'd have to invite her to eat with you then surely?

GeorgeTheThird · 17/12/2016 17:28

Morning coffee is a bad idea because it will lead naturally into Christmas Dinner and you will either end up inviting her to stay or feel like a heel for not doing so. Afternoon tea or supper would be much better. I agree though - he's invited her for dinner hasn't he.

Butterymuffin · 17/12/2016 17:28

AcrossthePond has nailed it. I would say to him 'I don't really get the gist of what you've agreed with the neighbour - can you tell me exactly what was said please?'

diddl · 17/12/2016 17:36

Sorry, what's your dilemma?

If he feels that he must invite her then he does it to suit you both at a time when he can host her.

I don't think that you have a dilemma at all, Op.

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expatinscotland · 17/12/2016 17:38

What did he actually invite her for, if at all? Of course he 'doesn't fancy playing the host', he wants you to do all the hard work. Well, fucking don't.. 'You know, we don't have a dilemma at all. You put your foot in it. Now you sort something out.' And leave him to it.

WellErrr · 17/12/2016 17:39

Ah yes Across has it.

Unfortunately, you can't uninvite a lovely pensioner from Christmas dinner.

justwanttoweeinpeace · 17/12/2016 17:39

I think what is actually happening in DH's head is this:

Neighbour is alone at Xmas. I should invite her. I don't really want to. I'll drop it all on DW so its her problem. Oh heck I thought DW would just make it all go away - panic panic.

I don't mind if she wants to come or not, DS thinks she's great and if she makes her excuses at least I offered.

Not sure I fancy a couple of hours with a grump in the corner either, but I did marry him so I suppose I should

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