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AIBU.....jobless SIL with her own Christmas list

(157 Posts)
Sararob28 Sat 17-Dec-16 14:33:59

AIBU? My brothers GF left her job about 6 months ago and worked a bit over late summer but due to some sort of "admin error" has been unable to start her new job but hasn't bothered to do any temp work in the mean time preferring to go out for coffee etc rather than finding work. brother works FT and is supporting her and paying all bills.....not so much an issue, however, I suggested that I'll lable one of the gifts I purchased for my DS from him and SIL (I made out as though I had too much stuff for DS rather than mentioning his finances). We do swap gifts so I also asked him for a low value item as he wanted to get me and DH something ..........however, I don't think he's realised I was trying to help as he sent me his GF's Christmas list asking for one of the items off there. AIBU that she shouldn't be so demanding considering she isn't who has a great big long Christmas list in their 30's? Maybe my brother should have told her it's a coal and satsuma year......bah humbug!

MrsDustyBusty Sat 17-Dec-16 14:36:21

If you didn't dislike her regardless of her work situation, this wouldn't be a problem.

So really, why do you not like her?

WeDoNotSow Sat 17-Dec-16 14:37:01

It's up to your brother isn't it? He's the one that gave u the list, not her?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 17-Dec-16 14:38:25

I'm not sure how their finances and decisions about how and who works is any of your business.

I am a bit hmm about a grown woman having a Christmas list but that's because I think it's a bit childish and grabby. Unless people ask what you want in which case a list or varying price can save embarrassment.

Stop judging and making assumptions. It'll make you feel better smile

pklme Sat 17-Dec-16 14:38:45

That was very thoughtful of you! Perhaps she wrote her list not knowing. If hers includes things she needs then it makes sense for her to be clear rather than getting things she doesn't need.

The adults in my family all have Amazon lists. It's only odd if she wasn't expecting a gift from anyone.

IfartInYourGeneralDirection Sat 17-Dec-16 14:39:31

Um your brother gave the list. You clearly don't like her but this was your brother giving it to you

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 17-Dec-16 14:41:19

I'm sure my sil thinks I swan about drinking coffee all day.

I don't, but she has decided I do.

NapQueen Sat 17-Dec-16 14:41:53

How do you know she "goes out for coffee rather than finding a job"?

And why do you care?

Maybe BIL likes having her home more as she can take on some more if the domestic chores?

NickyEds Sat 17-Dec-16 14:43:08

Eh? So you don't want to buy her a gift because she hasn't started a new job yet?

You think your brother shouldn't buy her a gift (well apart from coal and a satsuma)as she's not working either?

wifeyhun Sat 17-Dec-16 14:43:39

What is wrong with her not working?. I don't and I don't sit about drinking coffee all day.

d270r0 Sat 17-Dec-16 14:43:43

So... you've asked for a specific gift from them... yet you're annoyed because they've asked for a specific gift from you? Don't really understand what the problem is. Why would you not get her a gift just because she isn't currently working?

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Sat 17-Dec-16 14:44:06


Unless they've said they're not doing gifts because they're skint then you're being weird.

Why shouldn't she have presents?

bluebeck Sat 17-Dec-16 14:44:12

Maybe your DB asked her for a list that he could get things off and that is what he is now touting around?

You have said DB wants to buy presents for you and DH so why wouldn't you buy something for DB and for his partner?

Is there a huge back story?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 17-Dec-16 14:44:50

Even if she was swanning about drinking coffee (ooh the shame of it!) so what? Your brother is an adult. If he's not happy about the situation he can do something about it. You said she has a job lined up so what's your beef?

RebelRogue Sat 17-Dec-16 14:45:08

I have a list for DH I don't expect everything off the list,normally there's only one or two things that are "musts". If a friend asks me what i'd like i'd prolly mention the extras off my can never have too many bathbombs or amazon vouchers. I assume if anyone asked OH what i would like he'd point out the same list without the stuff he's actually buying.

HardLightHologram Sat 17-Dec-16 14:45:44

Why does it bother you so much that she doesn't have a job?

Maybe you don't have the whole story. I don't work because my MH is rubbish. All my kids are at school and dh works full time. I'm sure people who don't know about my illness would think I'm a sponger.

Trifleorbust Sat 17-Dec-16 14:47:04

What's her employment status got to do with the Christmas presents she gets? I don't like Christmas lists but you sound like you expect her to be in sackcloth and ashes because she doesn't have a job at the moment.

JenLindleyShitMom Sat 17-Dec-16 14:47:29

I didn't realise being unemployed meant you couldn't get Xmas presents hmm

BestZebbie Sat 17-Dec-16 14:48:50

Perhaps he feels he is providing for the household perfectly well and would be insulted to realise that you think they must be penniless? Perhaps she needs a break for a reason you aren't privy to? Perhaps they don't feel she needs to try to find a job 'in the meantime' as she has already got a job lined up?
It sounds as if they might not have noticed that they are supposed to be struggling and grateful for your charity and are instead probably thinking that it is a bit controlling of you to insist that you label a pre-bought gift as the one from them (but maybe your brother just let it go to humour you/one less job to do).

Also, if they are feeling the financial pressure....doesn't that make it more important, not less, that they get gifts which they actually like and will use? So a list becomes more useful, not less?

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO Sat 17-Dec-16 14:48:51

I am struggling to understand the op at all.

It all sounds very odd.

I would never ever dream of handing over an xmas list to DH sister, and we have been together for over 10 years. I don't have an xmas list and never have and would never give one to anyone, dh and I don't do gifts for each other either ( sometimes I will but not a given).

Anyway in situations like this its best to be honest, just tell him why you offered to give gift from you and why you asked for cheaper gift.

However of course the bottom line is you dont like and resent your sil, but twas ever thus.

I have lots of aunts and one uncle, in spite of raising 5 dc, all close in age they say their sil 9 his wife) is lazy and despise her. Its natural to be jealous of your db wife - partner.

Bauble16 Sat 17-Dec-16 14:49:06

You clearly ooze contempt for her. He probably asked her for ideas for himself so she gave him ideas and then he shared it with you.

It really is none of your business how they live financially and to say she should basically get sod all for Xmas because she doesn't work is weird. Talk about interfering

mimishimmi Sat 17-Dec-16 14:51:27

What's wrong with drinking coffee? Lots of working people do... you know... just swanning off to their desks with a cuppa grin

reallyanotherone Sat 17-Dec-16 14:53:00

Do you actually know that they're struggling for money because gf is temporarily unemployed?

You're making massive assumptions. She may have savings to cover her time off, your brother may earn enough, they may be sensible with money.

plenty of families survive on one income, and they have no kids.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 17-Dec-16 14:53:22

I am at my desk right now drinking coffee! Not working much though hmm

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Sat 17-Dec-16 14:53:48

If I only bought presents for people with jobs, I could save a lot of money.

Wouldn't have to buy the kids anything for a start

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