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To not know what to do now....toddler excluded from nursery.

(79 Posts)
Shockedshell Sat 17-Dec-16 13:26:54

My 2.5yr old grandson (he lives with me) is no longer welcome at his outstanding, award winning, inclusive nursery.
I know he is a challenging child and it's almost certain he has additional needs, though he does not have a diagnosis just yet, but their decision has upset me greatly and I can't work out how to move forward.
The nursery have told me they had reached crisis point and have run out of strategies to manage his behaviour however, the nursery's application for funding to provide some one to one support was turned down by the SEN Early Years Panel. They said he is simply displaying toddler behaviour but the nursery strongly disagrees with this.
The upshot is I need to find alternative childcare ASAP or give up work but who will want a child that has already been excluded from one nursery and I have no idea how we will cope financially without my wage. Right now I don't think I could actually put my trust in another nursery but I need to do something. How do I work out what?

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 17-Dec-16 13:30:00

Sorry to hear this. Would a childminder be a better option? A smaller group of children in a more homely environment might be more suited to his needs?

How is his behaviour at home? Are you coping OK? flowers

Purplestorm83 Sat 17-Dec-16 13:34:17

What kind of behaviour are the nursery having problems with? Is he a danger to other children? That's the only reason a child would be excluded in my experience (having worked in a number of childcare settings). I agree that a childminder could work better, you may even be able to find one who specialises in SEN?

Shockedshell Sat 17-Dec-16 13:35:01

I have thought of a childminder but finding one that is good with the days I need and willing to take on a challenging child seems like an impossibility.
His behaviour can be challenging at home but we cope, he is so much better on a one to one basis.

missyB1 Sat 17-Dec-16 13:36:26

Are you getting support from any professionals? Could the HV help?

Allthewaves Sat 17-Dec-16 13:37:22

A nanny with sen experience in your own home for childcare.

Have you gone to gp/hv about behaviour issues. Sometimes pushig through nhs side to get diagnosis gives you evidence to get educational support

Stormwhale Sat 17-Dec-16 13:37:44

What about a nanny who is experienced in children with sen? Could you post on the sen board for advice?

Shockedshell Sat 17-Dec-16 13:38:18

He struggles with waiting and transition amongst other things which causes him to lash out, throw things and harm himself ie slaps himself in the face, pulls his hair, scratches his face and throws himself backwards.

Shockedshell Sat 17-Dec-16 13:39:36

He is under a paediatrician who has referred him for some assessments and he is also under the genetics team.

TheWitTank Sat 17-Dec-16 13:40:13

I am sorry op, sounds really tough flowers
I was also going to suggest a childminder, but I agree it may be hard to find one who will take him on. Is there any chance of an au pair considering he is so much better one to one?

TheWitTank Sat 17-Dec-16 13:41:06

To add, I did mean an au pair/minder with experience of SEN.

Shockedshell Sat 17-Dec-16 13:41:06

I think a navy maybe too expensive, he is a looked after child and Children's Services foot the childcare bill at the moment.

Shockedshell Sat 17-Dec-16 13:42:02

A nanny!

Daisygirl1991 Sat 17-Dec-16 13:42:24

Hi there, as a nursery nurse your post jumped right out at me, I can't understand how they can justifying excluding him, unless as has been previously said he is becoming a danger to the other children. The only other thing I thought is if he does have additional needs that the nursery feel require one to one care, then this may be difficult if they have been denied funding as there will be a ratio in place which for his age is 1 adult to every 4 children, which means the adult who is taking care of him is also supervising three others, HOWEVER, if the nursery were to be as inclusive and outstanding as oftsed believe they are - could they not have hired an additional member of staff to work closely with your child and support them rather than solving the problem by getting rid of your child?
Has he had a 2 year check done yet by the nursery? Was anything picked up on there?
I am behaviour management leader at the nursery I work in, unless he has been a danger toward the other children, I believe they should be looking at ways to support him! How long has this been going on for? Have they excluded him straight away or has this been a long running issue?
I hope you and your son find the support you need, it doesn't seem fair you've been turned away by professionals who should be supporting you!

Allthewaves Sat 17-Dec-16 13:43:00

Also he may be entitled to dla - could help with childcare costs of a nanny. You don't need a diagnosis but def advisable to contatc charity with help filling in the form. Behaviour I felt with and thought wasn't too bad was actually quite abnormal and didn't realise until oustude party helped me do the forms

Finola1step Sat 17-Dec-16 13:43:06

Do you have a social worker who can advise?

Floralnomad Sat 17-Dec-16 13:45:56

Presumably he has a social worker so can't they help find him somewhere appropriate

Shockedshell Sat 17-Dec-16 13:51:52

It has all happened so quickly, there were always concerns about him hurting himself when frustrated but basically it was only 4 weeks ago they called a meeting and told us they were struggling and now they have excluded him.
They feel he needs one to one the whole time he is there. They have said staff are at breaking point and parents have complained and they just can't help him any further.

Shockedshell Sat 17-Dec-16 13:54:04

He does have social worker but she doesn't really seem to know what to do, she has found a nursery that have more experience with special needs but they can't offer the days I need to enable me to work.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 17-Dec-16 13:55:13

Not so inclusive eh op. It does not sound like they tried hard enough, they were denied funding, so they should have gathered more evidence, and submitted for another funding, as well as funding from their budget, another 121 for him. He could well be on the ASD spectrum, some of the behaviours are similar to what my dd who has ASD experienced at that age. I am glad he's under the paeditrician and is being assessed.

Excluding him without any forewarning is unacceptable. when dd struggled in her mainstream infant school. Strategies were tried, also they got her a Statement of Special education needs. When after that she was still unable to cope, and was hitting and biting other kids, the HT called a meeting with us to inform us, and to look at other more suitable settings. I know that in our area, there are specialist Autism preschool settings, or early intervention nurseries.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 17-Dec-16 13:56:46

At that meeting 4 weeks ago, they should have told you that they are struggling, and that they may have to exclude him if this continues, gives you time to find another setting.

user1480946351 Sat 17-Dec-16 13:57:21

I can't understand how they can justifying excluding him

I can. If he needs one to one care, and it sounds like he does, they have to have the funding for one to one. They've been turned down for this, so they simply can't provide what the child needs. And if they are trying to do so, they then are not providing for the other children.
I sympathise with OP and hope she can find an alternative, but I don't see what else the nursery can do in these circumstances.

If he is a looked after child and the local authority are paying for childcare, it sounds like they are your first contact to help find new childcare?

Aeroflotgirl Sat 17-Dec-16 13:57:57

Your really stuck between a rock and a hard place, that is why it is so difficult for parents of children with SN to work. There is limited childcare providers, and no flexibility.

TheWitTank Sat 17-Dec-16 14:00:50

I am in a similar position op in that I can't put my DS in childcare as he just wouldn't cope. It makes it incredibly difficult to find a job to fit. Can you speak to your boss and see if there is any chance of swapping days/hours around to fit around the new nursery?

Blueemeraldagain Sat 17-Dec-16 14:02:37

I work in a secondary school for students with social, emotional and mental health difficulties. A fair number of our students were first excluded from nursery.

I know it doesn't seem this way now but this could be a blessing in disguise (eventually). He has been excluded due to dangerous or unmanageable behaviour (or whatever they have put). This is an irrefutable fact that cannot be denied or dismissed by SEN or the LA. Get as much in writing as possible (details about why he has been excluded and their thinking he needs a one-to-one) and use it to get the diagnosis and support your grandson needs.

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