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AIBU as to how this has made me feel?

(5 Posts)
Petal12 Sat 17-Dec-16 13:14:31

So my dad died almost 10 years ago, I recently found out that he was maybe going to leave my mum for another lady but fell ill and died shortly after. This is my mums suspicion, there is no evidence I know of. Since finding this out it seems to have tainted my memory of him and whereas I used to speak about him in glowing terms to my kids (that he never met) I now find myself unable to do so. I think I feel he wasn't the man I thought he was (big family man etc). Anyone any experience of this? AIBU to feel this way? Thanks

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 17-Dec-16 13:17:25

It's just a suspicion - there is no evidence or proof of this whatsoever.

It's a shame this is tainting your memory of him. I would focus on YOUR memories of him, and what YOU liked about him. Not what your mum suspects.

Especially as your dad is sadly no longer here to defend himself.

flowers

gamerchick Sat 17-Dec-16 13:17:55

I understand, my mother has totally ruined my memories and thoughts about my grandmother. If you need to talk it out then don't choose your kids angry

No idea what to suggest though. sad

Petal12 Sat 17-Dec-16 13:20:16

I wish she'd never said anything! I'm trying not to let it but I'm struggling.

scottishdiem Sat 17-Dec-16 13:28:35

Could this have been a way to rationalise the death in some way? Although we know its not, a sudden death can be felt as an abandonment and I wonder if your mother has built something around one or two innocuous things which has resulted in her thinking he might have left her soon anyway, regardless of his death. A coping mechanism maybe that was always internal but has become so real that she has voice it?

I would not let your mother spoil your memories of your father. You have no proof and he is not here to say otherwise. Hold on to the real memories you have, the real facts of your existence and life with him and view your mothers thoughts with a pinch of salt.

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