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To have little sympathy for dh?

(39 Posts)
MusicalChairsOh Sat 17-Dec-16 09:00:23

We have 2 dc under 2.
Dh is away at work from 7am-6pm Monday to Friday.
Last week he went out twice, Friday he went out straight after work and Saturday had a hangover that made him pretty useless for the whole day. Sucked it up and got on with it.
Also last week me and 1 of the dc had the diarrhoea bug and I just got on with life. we're over it now except smallest dc has woken up with it this morning.

Dh went out again last night and has now got the diarrhoea bug. He's curled up in bed hardly talking but complaining about feeling rough.

This will be the second weekend I just have to get on with things. It's exhausting looking after them through the week especially being ill. I was looking forward to the help this weekend.

I guess I'm just pissed off I wont get help yet again and dh has the luxury of staying in bed. I didn't have a very nice bedside manner with him this morning. Aibu to just not care?!

Jellybean83 Sat 17-Dec-16 09:02:02

YANBU, not even a little bit.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight Sat 17-Dec-16 09:04:09

Yanbu flowers

Sunnydaysrock Sat 17-Dec-16 09:05:42

It's so annoying that it works like this, ie mums deal with all the illness and still have to get on with it when we are ill. You are most definitely not bu to not care. You've done your bit, you're still doing your bit. He's a grown man, he can look after himself. Make sure you get a day to yourself soon.

BillSykesDog Sat 17-Dec-16 09:10:07

It is Christmas so a hangover is not that unacceptable at this time of year.

And he was working when you had the bug. It's not really his fault that you're at home when he's ill, he's just struck lucky (sort of). If you'd got it this weekend he would have had to take over from you too.

NavyandWhite Sat 17-Dec-16 09:13:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ellisandra Sat 17-Dec-16 09:16:24

7-6 is no big deal, that's normal hours and commute for a lot of people.

It really depends on how life usually is.

It's not his fault he's ill when you're their to cover "lucky" but not his fault. And it's Xmas - can mean lots of going out.

It all depends on the history.
If he's usually fully involved and leisure time is fair, then this is just a bad set of circumstances.

What's he usually like?

LucyFuckingPevensie Sat 17-Dec-16 09:17:11

Yanbu to feel the way you do. That sounds hard going. My Dp works away too - not all the time but often. It's a long bloody slog and I really look forward to the opportunity of another parent being able to look after the Dc. It is annoying always being the one who has to deal with the shit stuff.
I had a training week away with work not long ago and it was fucking awesome. I stayed in a hotel , didn't have to cook, clean, do the homework with the dc.
When is he back at work op ?
Can you squeeze in a night out or .....<whispers> spa day grin to give you a bit of a break.

LucyFuckingPevensie Sat 17-Dec-16 09:18:14

Obviously it's not his fault he is ill, but yanbu to feel a bit hard done by. You must be shattered.

MusicalChairsOh Sat 17-Dec-16 09:29:47

He goes out maybe twice a month, sometimes more sometimes less. I've never got annoyed about that as I just add it to the bank of favours I will hopefully get back one day.

I've not been out in 3 years, dh has never been on his own with the 2 children for more than 2 hours. It'll be my time soon though as youngest is getting a bit older and able to be away from me for longer.

I know it's not his fault. I look forward to the help so much that it was almost typical of this to happen!

I may have warmed a bit now, dh poked his head around the door and told me he's been sick now also...

I've told him to stay away from us all and clean the toilet. Oh dear. I hope we dont re-catch it, is that possible?

DeepanKrispanEven Sat 17-Dec-16 09:33:09

Why haven't you been out in three years? Surely your DH could look after the DC in the evenings or at weekends to let you do that - or you could get babysitters so you could go out together?

Gooseygoosey12345 Sat 17-Dec-16 09:34:15

Yanbu and quite frankly he'd be out of bed if he was my OH. You didn't curl up in bed when you were poorly, you had kids to look after, so why should he get to? And as for being hungover... that's not your problem and is entirely self inflicted. He knows he has children so he should be more responsible. No sympathy for him here, he'd have to be up unless he was actually dying.

BakeOffBiscuits Sat 17-Dec-16 09:38:44

From Jan start a new thing, you go out for the day, at least every other weekend and leave him with the DC.

It doesn't matter what you do- visit friend, relatives, go shopping, museums, hobby etc.

You need a break and he needs to know how to look after his dc.

Olympiathequeen Sat 17-Dec-16 09:38:51


Put a sick bowl by the bed, a roll of toilet paper and a jug of water and close the door on him and ignore him.

BalloonSlayer Sat 17-Dec-16 09:39:22

My DH was once struck by a sick bug that left him prostrate on the sofa, calling weakly for glasses of water, paracetamol and hot water bottles. If the children asked him for something - anything - he was unable to do it for them. After a little while he detected a certain coldness coming from me and asked in a hurt tone of voice why I was not being very sympathetic.

I told him that if he really couldn't do anything, fair enough, but that if he gave it to me, then I would EXPECT him to take time off work to look after me and the children, because if he couldn't do anything at all with this bug, then neither would I be able to.

Reader, he got up and started doing a few things.


(Another triumph was the day when he was ill and I suggested he stay off work. Without thinking he said, there was no point as he couldn't get a proper rest with the children around and it was easier for him to go to work. Immediately he realised his grave error and tried to take it back but TOO LATE. Ha! Ha! Haaaa!)

BakeOffBiscuits Sat 17-Dec-16 09:40:01

To be honest today I wouldn't want him near the dc. He might pass on the bug and you'll be the one clearing it up, again!

Nanny0gg Sat 17-Dec-16 09:43:23

I've not been out in 3 years, dh has never been on his own with the 2 children for more than 2 hours.

Therein lies your problem.

pipsqueak25 Sat 17-Dec-16 09:46:58

mn shows time and time again how resilient women are in times of need, trouble and child care . [purely because we get on with it] !
high fives balloon nice one !

MusicalChairsOh Sat 17-Dec-16 09:50:59

I've shut him in the bedroom and told him not to come out. Held my dressing gown over my face and acted like he was a serious threat.

I've gone overboard telling him about the importance of handwashing and bleaching the toilet after he uses it. Offered him water looked with sympathy etc etc.

I'm definitely going to do as a pp suggested, January I'm going to start getting all these 'favours' repayed.

MusicalChairsOh Sat 17-Dec-16 09:53:11

To be fair to him though, its been my choice not to go out. Ebf bottle refuser has been the main reason for me not taking an evening off and going out.

NavyandWhite Sat 17-Dec-16 09:54:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pipsqueak25 Sat 17-Dec-16 09:54:34

meant to ask op why haven'y you been out in 3 years ? sorry, but this seems off, please don't take this the wrong way but it seems that some women put themselves in the 'dc won't settle without me' scenario and don't encourage dads to do so much so they don't get the 'knowledge' then mum complains that 'it's all left to me' why would someone not share the care from the word go ? my exsdd took charge from day one of her first child's care, her dh wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING for the lo, when lo was 10 months old her dh walked out, he'd had enough of her controlling behaviour and it turned out he was mentally abused by her as well, [sorry for trailing off the thread]

NavyandWhite Sat 17-Dec-16 09:54:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pipsqueak25 Sat 17-Dec-16 09:55:52

sorry x posted

1horatio Sat 17-Dec-16 09:57:02

I mean, it isn't his fault he couldn't help you when ghoul were sick, he was working.

And getting a hangover this time of the year is normal. If I drank alcohol I'd certainly have one, there are so many holiday events, I'm happy DH is understanding.

However, I do understand you're being annoyed. And seeing as you simply had to get on with it when you were sick you not being his personal nurse makes sense.

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