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"I don't care about your birthday"

(29 Posts)
BirdBrain85 Sat 17-Dec-16 01:52:43

It's my birthday today - I'm officially 31. Had a lovely evening out celebrating with 3 friends, 1 of whom is meant to be a best friend.

Towards the end of the night she made a joke about not having got me a card - which is fine, not all that bothered about material things.

Anyway when I later asked her to stop filming me and another friend (repeatedly) she refused, commenting that I was just embarrassed. In the end I said well it's my birthday so... And she very flatly replied well I don't care about your birthday.

This friend has put me down and belittled me so much in the years I've known her that thus was the last straw and in the end I said I was going to go home. She questioned why I was upset and I was honest and told her I felt she didn't care about me, and that I didn't want to wake up on my birthday morning with someone who feels like that. Her response was well I have an appointment at 9 so I don't care what you do.

She tried to turn it around by saying do you really think I haven't got you a card?? Now she hasn't ever bought me a birthday card in all the years I've known her so I'm pretty certain she hasn't - but frankly I really don't care whether she has or not, and told her just that. I made it very clear that I felt she hasn't cared for a very long time and this final comment proved just that.

I have spent my birthday evening in tears and I'm fairly sure that's the end of our friendship because she'll never reach out and apologise as she's so stubborn. She's actually well known for how she speaks to people.

I'm currently at friend 2's house, still feeling upset and just wishing I could go home but it's 2am so think I'm stuck here now 😑.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Sat 17-Dec-16 02:00:00

No great loss, surely?

Birthday gift to yourself, ditch the frenemy.

xingbake Sat 17-Dec-16 02:03:39

Any person who puts you down and belittles you is not a friend, let alone a best friend. Coming to that realisation and ditching them is a painful process, but one you'll feel better for on the other side.

Sorry she has upset you on your birthday flowers I hope you can do something tomorrow that makes you happy so you can forget about all the nastiness.

Butterymuffin Sat 17-Dec-16 02:04:56

Agreed. All sounds disappointing for a birthday night out but you'll never have to put up with her again now. No more belittling comments. Well rid.

PenguinsandPebbles Sat 17-Dec-16 02:04:57

She is not your friend

Anyone who puts you down isn't a friend

Ditch and move on

WizardLizard Sat 17-Dec-16 02:08:01

You really don't need this kind of negativity in your life.

Cut her loose. Yes, it'll be difficult as she's been a part of your life for so long but ultimately you don't need to be around someone who's belittling you like this.

CountessWindyBottom Sat 17-Dec-16 02:13:32

Happy Birthday! You list a whole litany of character flaws and how awful this person is so give yourself the best birthday gift of all and extricate the toxic cow from your life once and for all. Surround yourself with people who love and support you and forget the rest.

kerryob Sat 17-Dec-16 02:23:46

Happy birthday!

Best gift you can give yourself is to get rid of her she's not a friend

Cat0115 Sat 17-Dec-16 02:48:00

Happy birthday. smile

Theconifers25 Sat 17-Dec-16 03:22:54

What/why was she filming you?

Marmalady75 Sat 17-Dec-16 05:26:06

Best birthday present ever! At 31 you are old enough to understand how toxic this relationship has become. You are so much better off without her in your life!

BirdBrain85 Sat 17-Dec-16 08:55:55

Thank you all for the kind words - means a lot!

She was videoing me and the other friend dancing, but not in a nice way more of a taking the piss way - which only inflamed the situation more.

I will be extremely surprised if I hear from her today.

Softkitty2 Sat 17-Dec-16 09:02:35

She is not a friend. Why would you want a friend like that anyway? Do not reach out to her 1st because if you do she will think her behaviour is ok. If she reaches out to you tell her straight you are not children anymore and you should have meaningful, respectful relationships and what she has been to you is not what true friends do.

Badcat666 Sat 17-Dec-16 09:05:40

Happy birthday!!!

Seriously you don't need such a bitch in your life, trust me. I had one who always belittled me and everything had to be about her. Told her one night out exactly what I thought of her after another evening of snide comments and laughing at me because she "couldn't believe my b/f could find me attractive". It was bliss and ignored her phonecalls, no idea what she is doing now and never cared after that night!

Also she was most prob jealous because she wasn't the centre of the attention.

You have gained a lovely birthday pressie... freedom from a narcissistic self absorbed twat! grin cake

shockthemonkey Sat 17-Dec-16 09:08:24

In what way is she "meant" to be your best friend?

I suggest you let go of this notion of who is and who isn't "supposed" to be close to you, and let nature take its course. You don't like being with her, so you should avoid her in the future.

Had the evening worked out, would you have slept in the same place? Confused a bit by you saying you didn't want to wake up with her.

Flatmate friend or lover, you certainly don't need this woman in your life.

Bluntness100 Sat 17-Dec-16 09:10:15

Happy birthday!

And yes she's unpleasant, it's not just the birthday thing, I hate people who video their mates drunk or otherwise and who do it to be superior and embarass them,

Maverickismywingman Sat 17-Dec-16 09:11:02

She knows it's not about a flipping card, doesn't she? hmm

If she disregards and disrespects you, it's not really much of a friendship.

And happy birthday

HunterofStars Sat 17-Dec-16 09:12:03

Get rid of her, she's not a real friend at all. Real friends support each other not put them down. I'm so sorry she spoilt your birthday. You are better off without her. flowers wine cake chocolate for you - Happy Birthday btw!

DeepanKrispanEven Sat 17-Dec-16 09:39:06

Happy Birthday! Celebrate by ditching this woman, she adds nothing to your life.

ssd Sat 17-Dec-16 09:40:56

you poor thing, thats horrible to be made to feel this way

I'd try to see this friend for she really is, and take steps to detach yourself a bit more

and happy birthday thanks

liberatethebuns Sat 17-Dec-16 09:46:01

This is a great day, OP. It's one where you start off your birthday by getting rid of a terrible non-friend. No more belittling or put-downs ever again. She'll probably spend the rest of her life cycling through friendships as people get sick of the way she acts and leave her behind. Good for you for realising what she's like, even if it hurt to face it.

Happy Birthday!

pinkieandperkie Sat 17-Dec-16 09:53:18

Happy birthday.

1stDinkyDecker Sat 17-Dec-16 09:55:08

Happy Birthday, forget all about her and enjoy your day.

harderandharder2breathe Sat 17-Dec-16 10:47:38

Happy birthday

Why are you friends with this woman?

SomewhatIdiosyncratic Sat 17-Dec-16 11:13:41

Happy birthday.

You now have the gift of freedom from her smile

She sounds easy to cut off. Leave her be. Her not chasing you to apologise makes life much easier for you.

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