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Rude mum at playgroup

(165 Posts)
Jellybean14 Fri 16-Dec-16 19:18:24

Hi all, my 2 year old is at that age where she likes to hit other kids. She does it usually when she thinks other kids are taking her toys. I've tried explaining it's not nice to hit and am tried my best to manage her. I've also got a 5 month old who demands a lot of my time. Anyway the reason for the post is today when I went to playgroup I was approached very aggressively by a rude mum who said my daughter was hitting all the kids ( she wasn't) and that she hit her girl and made her cry ( I didn't see it happen but maybe she did). I calmly apologised and explained how tough it is having to manage two, to which she said something along the lines of, I have two kids too and I can manage. She demanded my girl apologise to her daughter which she did, but just went on and on about the hitting. I felt really embarassed and now angry that she made me feel this way. I don't mind she approached be but the manner was quite shocking! Am I being unreasonable to expect her to be more understanding? Perhaps share her experience and maybe say, I know how hard it is.... rather than being rude?

RuckingMarvellous Fri 16-Dec-16 19:23:57

If you know your daughter is in a hitting phase then you need to be closely monitoring her behaviour.

RuckingMarvellous Fri 16-Dec-16 19:25:30

Posted too soon.

I have 3 children, close in age and have had the same issue. But using other children as an excuse not to closely monitor your child is not on. You need to be on hand to stop any hitting before it happens.

I'd be angry too tbh.

srslylikeomg Fri 16-Dec-16 19:27:16

Oh dear. Sounds like you weren't supervising closely enough and got called out on it. People generally understand that toddlers can be brutes but I think you need to understand your response is paramount. If you're not dealing with it then other parents will get upset.

witsender Fri 16-Dec-16 19:27:22

None of what she said was really unreasonable, if a little optimistic at a play group. However if the way she said it was rude, that's rude! However has this happened over a number of weeks perhaps!

NerrSnerr Fri 16-Dec-16 19:28:50

If she's going through a hitting phase then she needs to be closely watched. We had similar at our playgroup where a mum had a new baby and her daughter just had free reign to hit all the children- she would look to see if her mum was watching then go for it.

You should know if your daughter made another child cry as you should have been watching her.

Spudlet Fri 16-Dec-16 19:29:10

You need to be there. I know it must be tough with two, but the five month old could be in a sling, which would give you the freedom to follow your older one more closely.

We were at a child friendly coffee place today and a child of about two was rampaging around our younger ones (11-12 months old), taking things from them and frankly, being a nuisance. Not the child's fault - her mother was letting her get on with it, and it was very annoying. Fortunately this one didn't hit or anything, or I would have had a word too. (Poor child also had a stinking nappy the whole time, but that's a whole other issue!)

CinderellaFant Fri 16-Dec-16 19:29:36

I've had a 2 year old and a newborn before. I didn't stop supervising my child just because I had a new baby. You should have been keeping a closer eye if you know she liked to hit- i would have been pissed off at you too

DorotheaHomeAlone Fri 16-Dec-16 19:33:13

I'm sorry she was rude. It is so so hard with two so young and close in age. I'm in the same boat but I'm afraid you really can't take her to playgroup and leave her unsupervised if she's going through a hitting stage. I sympathise but would have been hugely frustrated by your response if I were the other mum.

netflixandsleep Fri 16-Dec-16 19:33:45

If my another child hit my DS at playgroup making him cry I wouldn't be rude about it but I would make it clear I wasn't very happy and expect the child to apologise.

TheWitTank Fri 16-Dec-16 19:34:14

Sorry, I agree with PP. As you are aware she has been hitting, you should have had a very close eye on her. How do you know she hadn't been hitting lots of children if you were not watching? The other mum was obviously riled at your lack of supervision. I understand your position with a 5 month old to look after, but I have been there with similar age children and it isn't impossible to keep an eye on both.

witsender Fri 16-Dec-16 19:36:12

I think telling another parent it is hard with 2 is a little is very common to have more than 1 child! And if you know they are a hitter, you need to be right with them. Get a good sling and go with her.

JaniceBattersby Fri 16-Dec-16 19:36:47

I had a very prolific two-year-old hitter and kicker and biter and a newborn. I just had to follow the two-year-old around everywhere at playgroup and pay extremely close attention to what he was doing. I often had to grab his arm as he was going in for a smack. I didn't get to sit down and have a coffee for a good year.

That said, I know it's really difficult and she will grow out of it. My boy is an angel now, at 6.

luckiestgirl Fri 16-Dec-16 19:37:04

I disagree with the PP.
Maybe it was okay for the mum to come and tell you your DD hit her child, so you can stop DD and tell her not to, or discipline her or whatever it is you do.
It wasn't okay for the mum to be rude or anything other than an 'oops, we've all been there, better keep a closer eye on her' attitude.

This phase happens to us all and it's particularly hard with 2 little ones. She was BU for being rude to you.

DailyFail1 Fri 16-Dec-16 19:38:13

I would not only have been rude, I would have tried to get you banned from the group for not supervising your child appropriately. Toddlers with known behavioural issues shouldn't ever be unsupervised in a baby group setting as they could seriously hurt a baby , no matter how many other adults there are. It's not other adults' job to supervise your child, it's yours.

WeDoNotSow Fri 16-Dec-16 19:41:50

Don't let her walking round hitting other kids. It's fucking annoying
Don't brush it off as something 'all kids do'

It's something 'some' kids do, and behaviour that needs to be tackled.
They don't 'grow out of it' they need you to teach them it's unacceptable.

luckiest The mum probably started off doing that, and is now bored of doing it and decided if OP isn't gong to tell her DD, then she will

Mishegoss Fri 16-Dec-16 19:42:13

YABU. A lot of parents manage to supervise their toddler and take care of a younger baby. We all know sometimes kids will lash out, that's why parents should be there supervising them and if for some reason you're not supervising, you can't really complain if you're approached by a pissed off parent. It really annoys me when a child hurts one of my kids and their parent isn't even watching them. Just supervise your kids!

Hellmouth Fri 16-Dec-16 19:43:56

Maybe she was rude and aggressive cos you weren't monitoring your kid who is apparently in the hitting phase. I don't blame her, I'd be pissed off too.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Fri 16-Dec-16 19:44:23

I'm sorry but you sound a little too relaxed on the hitting front for my liking. A hitting phase is not unusual but if your child is doing it you should be watching them like a hawk, whether you have another child with you or not. If you can't do that, then unfortunately you should have a break from playgroup for a while. You sound as though you think it's just one of those things, which it isn't really.

A group I have been going to for a long while has massively changed dynamic recently on account of a toddler going on similar rampages. Mum has recently had a baby. Hard for her, hard for the toddler, hardest of all for the children who are getting hit and their hair pulled, and the parents who are trying their best to be understanding but also wanting to cry at how hurt their children are getting.

Spudlet Fri 16-Dec-16 19:45:20

Hmmm, sorry luckiest. I'm all for good manners, but if another child made mine cry and the parent was not only nowhere near but made some 'oh but it's so haaaaard with two' bleating, I too would reserve the right to be somewhat... terse.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Fri 16-Dec-16 19:48:11

If you know your daughter is in a hitting phase then you need to be closely monitoring her behaviour.

^ this

Buttwing Fri 16-Dec-16 19:49:46

Yeah sorry but I'm with the other posters you need to be close enough to her at all times to stop her doing it. I've got 4dc and yes lots of children do go through the hitting/ biting stage but you know she is hitting at the moment so you need to be near her at all times. I know it's hard with a baby too (I had 3 under 4) but maybe you need to give playgroup a swerve until it stops if you can't stay with her.

baconandeggies Fri 16-Dec-16 19:50:20

What action do you normally take when you see your child hitting another Jellybean?

baconandeggies Fri 16-Dec-16 19:51:05

if that should say (instead of when)

holidaysaregreat Fri 16-Dec-16 19:53:35

Sorry but mine were 19 months apart in age & yes it was hard at the start. But neither of mine were 'hitters' and I would have been upset if they had been hit by another child.
There are some stereotypes that need to be challenged e.g. oh all girls are bitchy/all boys are a nightmare and can't sit still/all toddlers hit other kids.
You were rude to not be monitoring her behaviour. Not ALL toddler hit out.

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