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To bring up a friend's wedding when I am pretty sure I haven't been invited (and I'm fine with this)?

(18 Posts)
Latenightreader Fri 16-Dec-16 17:58:35

Background: at school I was close friends with three other girls (A B and C). I am still in regular contact with A and B, and more sporadically with C (maybe once or twice a year). I am going back to my home town this Christmas and have arranged to meet C for a drink while she is also home. I haven't seen her in over a year, but I am looking forward to catching up.

C got engaged this year and is getting married in 2017. I am pretty sure she isn't inviting me to the wedding or hen do, and I have no problem with this - I barely see her and weddings are expensive. A and B see and speak to her regularly and will definitely be going to both. I'd like to ask C about her wedding plans when we meet for a drink, but am concerned this will sound as if I am expecting an invitation. Saying "I know I'm not invited..." sounds petulant when I am really not that fussed. Equally I don't want to ignore such a big thing in her life.

Can anyone think of a tactful way to bring it up? Am I overthinking this?

(sorry if AIBU is the wrong place for this - I couldn't decide where was the most appropriate topic for social confusion...)

miraclebabyplease Fri 16-Dec-16 18:01:41

Just say 'how are wedding plans going?'

SelfCleaningVagina Fri 16-Dec-16 18:06:04

I would say nothing and allow her to be the one to bring it up if she wants to. If she chooses to mention it then enthuse about it and ask all the questions you want without making it sound like you are grilling her about invitations.

Leeds2 Fri 16-Dec-16 18:08:47

Do you know whether A and B, or anyone else, has actually received an invitation? Then easy to say something about the church/registry office/reception venue to start the conversation off, and she will know that you know you aren't invited.

BackforGood Fri 16-Dec-16 18:14:27

I'd just ask how the wedding plans are going. I've talked to loads of people about their weddings when I'm ot going to the 'do' - it's just and exciting thing that is happening in their life.

baconandeggies Fri 16-Dec-16 18:19:13

Don't say nothing - it'll be a massive elephant in the room! But don't say "I know I'm not invited..." - it'll put her on the spot.

Just show an interest and ask how the plans are going as pp have said

Latenightreader Fri 16-Dec-16 18:28:42

I think B said she has had a save the date card and they both mentioned something about the hen do. I could say something like "A/B says you've gone for a May wedding. How is everything coming together?"

This is reassuring me a bit, thank you! I was worrying about it being the elephant in the room.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 16-Dec-16 18:28:48

Yes ask how her wedding preps are going.

Candlestickchick Fri 16-Dec-16 19:06:24

Personally I wouldn't raise it as I expect she will feel uncomfortable even if that's not your intention. I don't think she will think anything of it if you don't mention it.

I wouldn't worry though, if she's anything like most brides to be it won't be 5 minutes before she has brought it up and is going on about it!

Latenightreader Wed 25-Jan-17 10:36:41

Just found this while clearing out my watched threads list and thought I'd update it on the vague possibility than anyone is interested!

Saw C on Boxing Day, she did mention the wedding (and my presence at it), and my invitation arrived a few days ago! So yes, generally overthinking on my part...

ArmfulOfRoses Wed 25-Jan-17 10:41:36

I had a lady I know tell me that she wouldn't be able to come to my wedding because she was on holiday.
That was a bit awkward given that she wasn't invited grin

abbrev Wed 25-Jan-17 11:23:54

That was a bit awkward given that she wasn't invited

How so?

ArmfulOfRoses Wed 25-Jan-17 11:44:12

Because I have a lady being all apologetic completely out of the blue, my mind went blank.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 25-Jan-17 11:50:28

That's a nice update.
Enjoy the day.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst Wed 25-Jan-17 11:52:18

OP, thanks for the update. It's nice when we do get one grin

ArmfulOfRoses Why would the lady think she'd be invited?

ArmfulOfRoses Wed 25-Jan-17 12:19:59

I have absolutely no idea, she's someone I occasionally see when I visit a family member, we don't have each others phone numbers even!

Hippee Wed 25-Jan-17 12:22:02

Armful - I would have thought it was a relief! I was certainly relieved when a friend told me she couldn't come - as my husband had absolutely banned her from being invited and she had so offended the only mutual friend who would be at the wedding, that the seating plan would have been awful. Bullet dodged grin

xStefx Wed 25-Jan-17 12:23:04

Aw lovely update OP x

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