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AIBU?

To feel like I'm doing life all wrong

26 replies

Trixiebelle16 · 14/12/2016 22:34

I am married with a four year old dd. You wouldn't know this if you met me - I'm all smiles to the outside word but truthfully I just feel like I'm not doing life very well at the moment.

I'm finding everything overwhelming - dealing with dd's behaviour, trying to organise all the things she needs for school, trying to do a job I feel unsuited for. Spending money then panicking afterwards. I just don't ever ever feel relaxed or happy. Dh is my best friend but all we do nowadays is bicker over dd or his family.

I find myself often feeling angry about things that people say or do and I rant to him about it and it eats me up inside and I feel like a horrible person for talking that way but I can't stop it - I just get so fed with people. I'm constantly second guessing myself and worrying about what others think.

Life just exhausts me and I wish I could just stop and breathe for a moment. I feel like I'm doing it all wrong and don't know how to make life feel right again. Am i going bonkers?

OP posts:

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Jellymuffin · 14/12/2016 22:55

Oh goddness are you me? I could have written this! I just feel like getting off the ride! It's so hard isn't it?

littleoysterslittleoysters · 14/12/2016 23:00

This was me a year ago before I was diagnosed with anxiety. Go see your GP.

woodenmouse · 14/12/2016 23:01

I think you might be me!! I feel life is passing me by. No advice though sorry, hopefully someone will be able to help.

ThatsWhatYouDo · 14/12/2016 23:02

This is me! I could have written all that. Watching with interest.

JungleWait · 14/12/2016 23:03

Do you work full time? Perhaps you are just exhausted?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/12/2016 23:18

What can you stop doing to take some pressure of yourself? e.g. can you cut down on chores or allocate some tasks to your DH?

What can you start doing to take some pressure of yourself?
With school age children organisation and preparation is key. We have a timetable on the fridge of uniform/kit/after school requirements and pick up drop offs etc.
Uniform is sorted out over the weekend and laid out the night before.
We have a stock of spare stationary so we always have spare pencils, glue sticks etc.
We have a stash of craft stuff and wrapping paper, ribbons, boxes to deal with the build a model of the Taj Mahal by tomorrow situations (we might have built ds2's Roman fort out of a takeaway pizza box)
I have a pot of £1 coins for random charity requests.

None of this will make your job easier or stop your DD behaving like a 4 yo. What it does is give you more capacity to deal with those things because you aren't running yourself ragged trying to sort out loads of small things.

bunnylove99 · 14/12/2016 23:22

I totally empathise with you. I think life is just far too busy. You need to build in time for yourself and take time to examine what needs to change in your life to make it happy again. Please be wary if you do go to your GP. I'm posting here as Im in same boat as you. The GP gave me pills to help me and I've never been so ill. If you are offered a prescription make sure you are warned of side effects etc. Perhaps you could try and talk to your DH and explain how you feel and come up with a list of things that might improve your situation? Do you work many hours? Does DH help at home? Are you getting any time to yourself?

GravyAndShite · 14/12/2016 23:24

I could've written that six months ago. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and it really has helped me not only get back to where I was, but really thrive.

Doesn't feel like it now but if you get help you can get better.

💐

GravyAndShite · 14/12/2016 23:25

Sorry just realised it has been about 9 months.

GravyAndShite · 14/12/2016 23:26

Also have a look at mindfulness it is just the most wonderful thing!

Crazeecurlee · 14/12/2016 23:26

Second Oysters post, GP is the way to go. When I'm depressed or anxious I experience similar to what you describe in your post; finding everything overwhelming, feeling on edge, nervous and irritable, constantly tired, feeling like I can't do anything right etc. My GP has been very helpful.

Trixiebelle16 · 14/12/2016 23:28

Thank you all. Dh does a lot to help. I work part time at a preschool- my two days are taken up with studying for an early years qualification and writing up learning journals. I have several assignments overdue and I've just found out dd has got to bring partywear to school next week. I've only just forked out for a Christmas jumper they want her to wear on Friday, now this. She's over tired at the moment with school Christmas play etc and is really playing up. Every morning is so stressful because she won't get ready. My husband's family keep making demands. I am so bloody tired.

OP posts:

PenguinsandPebbles · 14/12/2016 23:32

There is the amazing belief/notion going around... this crazy notion we should all be

Happy

Real life doesn't work like this :) regardless of what we have or don't have some of us will feel sad

And do you know what, It's ok to be sad, it is ok to feel really annoyed at things it makes us human.

Speak to your GP, sometimes we are at the end of our tether and need some medical help.

But what you feel is ok all humans feel it

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/12/2016 23:40

Can you get your DH to manage his family for a bit? Make it clear that the one golden rule is that he cannot make promises on your behalf or commit you to doing something without having agreed it in advance.

BTW all parents I know are quietly praying for the end of term as we are all knackered.

GravyAndShite · 14/12/2016 23:45

OP didn't say she felt sad. Overwhelmed is very different.

OP if you see your gp - and I think you should, don't just let them give you medicine. It is a quick fix but doesn't get to the roots. You need to push for counselling, or cbt... a referral to a children's charity that offers parenting courses (not the same as your early years training)... take all or anything they offer.

The shopping is another factor - which implies you don't have a handle on your finances. Seek help for that now. Learn about money management, debt recovery if required... what are you buying? (For me it was self esteem based buying).

Finally you are not a victim of your life. You are the creator of it, and although you are lost just now, try to remember that.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/12/2016 23:51

You do sound overwhelmed. Let your DD sleep in on the weekend if possible and have a quiet pyjama day. It'll give you all a break.

Another practical tip based on experience- if possible stick some money aside each month to cover - uniform/ school clothes replacement, trips, costumes, fundraising etc. It is less painful if you already have an allocated pot of money.

ChasedByBees · 14/12/2016 23:57

Another one wondering if I wrote this. It's uncanny! I have been diagnosed with anxiety for other symptoms - what you're describing though is all the stuff I didn't say. Interesting to hear it might be related.

What can you do to take the pressure off OP?

Trixiebelle16 · 15/12/2016 00:00

Chaz dh does stand up to his family but they give him a hard time if he says no to them. We said no to a family event next week straight after school as we know dd will be exhausted. They took it as some kind of personal affront and were awful to dh so now we have to go. These are the things I lie awake stewing over.

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/12/2016 00:06

I think your DH's family are a source of stress in your life. You and your DH are going to have to find a way of managing that together. Maybe pick something smaller to say no to and stick to it no matter the pressure. Start to push boundaries on to them.

GravyAndShite · 15/12/2016 00:07

He gave into them bullying him. They'll keep doing it until he stands up for himself

redexpat · 15/12/2016 06:58

Your DH needs to put his dds needs above those of his family. She is exhausted. They can wait a week until school holidays.

Does his family usually bully you both into stuff?

I read a book called how to do everything and be happy by peter Jones. One of the strategies is to have a "boxing day" every month where you do exactly what you fancy doing on that day. If you want to do laundry do laundry. If you want to read a book, watch netflix or go for a run do that. But you have to book it in on the calendar or it wont happen.

We have a policy of no more than one thing every weekend because otherwise it gets too much. You simply HAVE to say no. It is ok to put yourself first. In fact it is necessary.

Stillwishihadabs · 15/12/2016 07:35

Chaz you sound amazing- uber organised, some great ideas.

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/12/2016 09:38

Stillwish
Thank you. I have two school age DC and work long hours so I have learnt to be organised or it all goes horribly wrong very quickly.

Meemolly · 15/12/2016 10:32

Sounds like you have a lot going on, as I read your post I was wondering how much you have benefitted from writing it all down? Do you have a diary? It's not a particularly big suggestion but I wondered if just having a daily vent in a diary might help you? Sometimes I just write down all the things that have annoyed/upset me that day. It helps me sleep better and keeps me calm, my own little space for all the stress that builds up. You have had lots of other great suggestions but this helps me!

Meemolly · 15/12/2016 10:33

Ps There isn't any right or wrong way of doing life, it just is what is it is... look after yourself though!

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