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AIBU to genuinely ask why men need 45min to crap?

(276 Posts)
littleoysterslittleoysters Tue 13-Dec-16 23:04:59

I'm not joking. I have been married 3 years and my dh spends 45mins day on the loo. It will be announced the time has come and he is off! No questions allowed he is gone, whether we have guests or not! We have a lo now and I did say to him that he may have to cut down the time in an emergency. The answer was a shocked face!
I literally poo as fast as I wee, usually with a baby and a dog looking at me! Why do men have a god given right for this time? Or is it just my dh? I know he goes in the first few mins so what does he do the rest of the time? Does it take 40min for mens arses to close? I did ask once but what told not to question a man on the subject! Help me understand!

eyespydreams Tue 13-Dec-16 23:10:26

I dunno the answer but I totally hear you OP. Exact same scenario here, minus dog.

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 13-Dec-16 23:12:04

I don't know why..but also seems that the words "we need to leave in 5 mins" are the trigger fir a bowel movement also...

5BlueHydrangea Tue 13-Dec-16 23:12:05

Does he take his phone in? Sometimes I do just for a bit of peace! In theory anyway as dd just opens the door and wanders in..

Ummmmgogo Tue 13-Dec-16 23:12:45

I have asked quite a few men. It is because they just Sit and wait for the poo to fall out they don't like topush it out. Then they just relax and recover for a while. Does this help? Xxx

I'm not saying I approve of this behaviour, but it does seem quite common xx

unlimiteddilutingjuice Tue 13-Dec-16 23:12:46

YANBU. My DH does this. I call them his "luxury shits"

Putsomepeasonit Tue 13-Dec-16 23:12:53

5 mins pooping, 40 mins chilling on his phone.

GriefLeavesItsMark Tue 13-Dec-16 23:14:07

Dh gets up at 6am especially to allow 45 minutes for a toilet break before work.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Tue 13-Dec-16 23:14:27

"It is because they just Sit and wait for the poo to fall out they don't like topush it out. Then they just relax and recover for a while"

I suppose that explains it. Ffs angry

littleoysterslittleoysters Tue 13-Dec-16 23:15:17

they just Sit and wait for the poo to fall out they don't like topush it out

So lazy....

70sDinnerPartyClassic Tue 13-Dec-16 23:15:26

This comes up on mumsnet all the time! It really is weird. Mine is the same. After the last thread we got to the bottom (ha!) of it maybe. Apparently lots of men go for a "try" while sensible women tend to go when they actually need to. Why this is, no idea. But it seems a reasonable theory. They don't have different digestive systems to us ffs.

70sDinnerPartyClassic Tue 13-Dec-16 23:16:47

Took me 82 years to type that, seems cross posted with similar ideas.

They all end up with piles as well don't they.

ViveLesVacances Tue 13-Dec-16 23:17:39

"Luxury shits" gringringringrin

littleoysterslittleoysters Tue 13-Dec-16 23:18:06

If it is this non pushing recovery thing then where is woman's automatic arsehole recovery time?!?!?!

70sDinnerPartyClassic Tue 13-Dec-16 23:18:27

Maybe women have stronger pushing muscles? So we can squeeze it out quick while the poor weak men have to sit there waiting yearning hoping

AHolyGuacamole Tue 13-Dec-16 23:18:47

Luxury shit is excellent.

PaulineFowlersGrowler Tue 13-Dec-16 23:19:12

I know your not joking, because my OH does it to, usually just before school run or when I'm serving dinner. It doesn't make sense. I Feel urge to poo, go to the toilet, poo. If it takes 45 minutes to get the shit out you need to see a doctor. Plus sitting on the toilet for too long gives you piles.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 Tue 13-Dec-16 23:21:36


mylittlephoney Tue 13-Dec-16 23:21:50

Hallelujah I am not alone! After 21 years I've figured hes spent about a month out of it on the loo. More but my maths is terrible. It's worse now we have tablets/phones. Dont their legs go numb. I swear he's also fallen asleep on their. I wish I could shut myself away from everyone for an hour.

littleoysterslittleoysters Tue 13-Dec-16 23:23:10

saltandvinegarcrisps1 I would but how can I be sure the next one we will be any different. I don't remember these marathon luxury shits in our courtship. How can I identify a fast shitting man and be sure....?

AHolyGuacamole Tue 13-Dec-16 23:23:16

Isn't it really odd that so many men do this? And we don't know the answer as to why?

PaulineFowlersGrowler Tue 13-Dec-16 23:23:34

so most men have post childbirth style shits? No straining, Feet elevated, deep breaths, wait for shit to peacefully fall out of its own accord?

OhtoblazeswithElvira Tue 13-Dec-16 23:24:23

Well I have been meaning to start a thread along these very lines!

I am consumed with bafflement every morning when finally everyone is ready, coats are on and I'm about to open the door... DH scurries to the loo to produce his opus magnum. He Will Not Be Rushed angry

However he is more of a 20-minute poo man so it seems that I should count myself lucky hmm

45 minutes of trying can't be good for you your bum really, can it? Are men's bowels so different to women's?

littleoysterslittleoysters Tue 13-Dec-16 23:26:28

I reckon they all get pulled aside in college and get told they have shitting time rights above women and should always take 40minutes plus to have some me time. They are in it together. Maybe its like meditation?

Putsomepeasonit Tue 13-Dec-16 23:27:11

This is the thread that made me realise I am a man. grin

It's not just a man thing!

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